food for fish

Yesterday was a day of reflection. A day for me to just relax, not be worried about getting anything done, and vent some much needed frustration to some of the closest people to me. I had some great conversations with my bud Matt, Leanne (my youth pastor from high school), and Alexis (this morning). Each one of them confirmed that I really am where I am suppose to be (I was completely doubting, but I surely wanted to be with them, rather than by myself here). With Chris being gone for the weekend, and having no car, I really had no where to go� It�s true I could have gone downtown (it�s only a 15 min walk) but it was �All Saints Day� and basically everything is closed. So, while I waited for it to be a decent hour in Seattle, I read some books, prayed, listened to some worship music, and just meditated on all the things which brought me here.

This past weekend is a good example of the huge contrasts in emotions I have been going through. On Friday night we had a �harvest party� for the little kids and the later on that night, the young adults which I was in charge of. I was a little stressed by the pace of everything, I like to mingle, simply talk, and let things flow naturally, but others wanted things to go one thing after another, plus when I was back home I was more of the announcements and speaker guy, rather than the games guy for CRU. Near the end I just wanted to quit and go to bed, I wasn�t having much fun and I was just tired. Then we did worship, worship has been another area where I�ve been struggling, but I was disparate to reach out for God this night. So, thankfully all but one of the songs were in English, and I ignored what was going on around me, and worshiped like I haven�t since I was in Seattle (except for when I was in Switzerland).

Near the end Chris did �Open the flood gates of heaven, and let it rain, let it rain), we worshiped to just those words for about 10 min, then God was prompting me to pray what this �Harvest celebration� really was all about. I tried two times to get it out, but both times it was muffled, finally after Chris prayed in Polish, and we did another sting of �let it rain�, it happened. (As I�m typing this Michael W. Smith�s �Let it rain� has come on randomly from my MP3 player!) I just let it come out, with all the passion, and all the confidence I could muster, I was able to let them know �God is ready to harvest our hearts, he�s ready to pour out his refreshing sprit on each and every one of us, the cry of our hearts is for people to know him. The flood gates of heaven are opening, for us, and for others, just focus on reaching God, and you will meet him. The harvest is near, the seeds have been planted, we just need to go out and harvest, and God will rain on us.� I have never prayed outloud with so much confidence, and boldness in my life, I don't even remember everything I said, it was completly lead by the Holy Spirit.

So I may be climbing up the mountain, but as with any mountaineer I need to remember what is at the top, and then remember to go beyond the top, to the creator of this mountain. All glory be onto God.

Lord Jesus,

Open the flood gates of heaven upon all the earth, and let it rain, let the refreshing waters of your spirit, love, and justice pour onto all the people of Earth, I pray for everyone to be looking for you, in a truly relationally way, not intellectually, or scientifically, but in an emotional, heart tugging way. That is the cry of my heart� Let it be. Amen.

by the way, i've added a whole lot of blogs under "departures" take a look, very good reads.