food for fish

This Thursday I'm speaking at our young adults group, I'm calling it "An obligation to love".

We really don't have a choice to love. Our God doesn't have the choice, He gave us free will so that we would love genuinely. As a disciple in the teachings, divinity, and person of Jesus, I do not have a choice to do anything but love people. For who they are... human. Everyone sins, we all make mistakes, our flesh is weak. And still I must love, I must accept people's faults. None of this is a free license to be walked on, beat up, and spat on. No, that would mean I wasn't loving myself.

To love God, is to give him praise, allow him to speak into my life, and obey Him in his commandments (to love Him and people). To love people is to treat with respect, listen, have sympathy for, speak encouragement, and most of all speak a life of truth. If I notice another brother with red flags in his life (IE, spending habits, the way he talks with girls, etc) than to truly love him I must confront him out of the relationship that I have. Confront someone is not shaming them, it's not condemning them, it's speaking truth where it counts (as Jesus did w/ the woman at the well). If a friend is always seeking to be with people, and is feeling lonely when not with friends, than I may probe into the priority prayer in their life.

For our culture, these ideas usually prompt the response of "it's none of your business" or "that's personal". Yes, I know, and because I love you I want to see you grow in that area. The key to all of this is relationship though, and speaking gracefully, the more grace, and the more relationship we have, the more our love for Him and others can be shown.

We must stop being afraid to love in truth. This is what I believe worshipping in truth and spirit is.

HA! I have no idea. Everyday is a new day, and each day brings its ups and downs. But, I choose to remain dependent on God and inter-dependent on my brothers and sisters in Christ. I choose to allow my bride to love me, nurture me, and be my helper, and I choose to be vulnerable with her through my ups and downs, and her ups and downs.

For when I fail any of the above, the downs are never padded and feel like I've fallen hard onto concrete and ups take me way out into an orbit beyond Pluto. Neither of which is very healthy.

So I'll stand and remain balanced holding onto what God has shown me, told me, and provided. I'm here to serve, love, and be loved.

and oh yeah, keep it sweetly simple (new version of KISS).

As I have grown up, moved out, moved on, and moved away from home I have always had a lurking voice and feeling that I'm "just a jack of all trades, and a master of nothing".

There are certainly some things that I'm close to a master, my career for one, but even in that I sometimes feel stupid for not knowing things at times - but that's all of us in this field of I.T., there is just too much to know, it's better to be specialized.

So, with a baby on the way, there's just one more thing to try to measure up to "good dad". Now I "know" that I don't have to measure up to anything, and I know my wife will think I'm just being hard on myself (which again, I "know" I am) and at the same time I am keenly aware of areas that I need to work on. I know that in God's eyes, it only takes effort for him to call us "good and faithful servant". This is what I need to focus on... another step by step moment.

A quick list of things that I'm struggling to grasp right now in my life and walk with Jesus.

1. Raising funds without sounding like a broken record/beggar (see previous post, didn't the apostles help the beggars though , but they didn't enable them to continue in poverty, right?)
   
2. Dicipling a generation and/or individual people that are not open to confrontation, either they are afraid to confront others about moral issues, or they don't allow others to confront themselves. The big defense: DON'T JUDGE ME! Where did this reaction start? Where did loving someone into a closer relationship turn into condemnation?
   
3. How to love people through differences. I'm a person that loves to disciple people, hates to offend, yet I am a disciple of Jesus, which Jesus naturally offends people. Sometimes I am so passionate about discipling on things like, the importance of living above reproach, all are called to ministry (we all have gifts for the kingdom), the blessing of living and walking in moral authority, that all I want to do is either ring people's necks who blatantly live lives contrary to this, or I just get depressed and grieve over the state of people I love.
   
4. A regular, near daily, prayer-life. A prayer life that focuses on God, and his relationship to me and others, not just a selfish, me-centered prayer life, but one that is about moving forward and listening (such as listening about these four areas).
   
5. Added 10:05 - The conflict of our needs, and other's resources. This is a completely jealous conflict ion, but one none the less that I struggle with. Alexis and I pour a lot of our resources into our calling, our time, our money, and our relationships, it's all about our calling for discipleship. All around us though we see people spending their time and money on their own desires, cars, houses, that in our opinion (and judgmentally) are well beyond what they need. Why does a single 24 year old need a new Mercedes? Why does a single 25 year old spend over $600 a month in entertainment? Just some thoughts.

So those are the four, now five big things in my life that I feel stuck on right now. I don't expect to just "get it" one day, I expect though to process through these things, some of them probably for the rest of my life (2 and 3). But I do expect for me to take responsibility in these areas, to do the hard things and ask, to address people on things when I feel conflict yet all in Grace and with the basis that no matter the outcome my care for them won't change - that my friends is how Jesus lived.

Updated 10:00 am. - Each of these things I think is related to surrender, we/I need to surrender and allow God and his church to do it's work, unhindered. We have to live as examples, so if we do something that isn't above reproach - that is against the path that Jesus has called us to live - we must surrender it. It's not easy, it's a self-less act that says I will follow my Lord, even though my desire is something different. Sometimes even our God-given desires are not the right path, for the time. I know this, I've lived it, I'm living it right now. So instead of crying about it, I'm living my life on the path, and it's full of blessings! A CHILD! A BABY GIRL. That wouldn't be such a blessing if I/we had gone on our own whim on our own path.

There's this man I know who has very strong convictions, not just "religious" ones, but ones that help people be better people. He normally thinks the best of people and most of the time he sees hope in their lives. As he encounters people he strives to bring them into deeper relationships, most of the time it's relationships with people that go awry. Sometimes though people have either a philosophical problem, or a knowledge problem when it comes to them and God. It's these questions that this man has a tough time with, and lately, it seems to be more difficult to address these.

You see, this man is no ordinary man, he's a disciple, he knows the Lord Jesus, and he loves the Lord with his whole self. Yet, there is a deep dark corner of his life that breaks through all to often. He's been incredibly open, spilling his entire life story to everyone he ever meets. He's been honest with those he is closest with. Everyone who knows him usually describes him as a "man of faith" or "a Godly man" - yet he's not so sure. He's accepted God's grace to fill these dark corners. One at a time the light has pierced the darkness and the good news has inhabited those places. But then the bugs come in, the house cleaners leave, and darkness begins to creep back in.

The man screams, he fights, he doesn't understand why it seems impossible to keep these places in his life filled with God's light. The voice of the world, the enemy, says life isn't worth living if you can't live up to Jesus' standard. But the spirit makes it clear that live is still, and always, worth living.

This emotional roller coaster he feels is beginning to take its toll, anger, frustration is met with passionate repentance. Repentance is met with overwhelming temptation, temptation is met with the power of God. There is victory in his life, then there is defeat. Victory... defeat... victory... defeat. When does it end?

He screams to his Lord: Father! Father! Why do I feel forsaken? Where does my tempter go? Where is your strength? I "know" you, I live for you. I declare victory in your name, I speak in your authority NO MORE DEFEAT. I want your connection, I want your spirit to fill mine. Praise your name that you would use me, I am but a man, a broken vessel, simply willing to be used by you! Help me oh God, help me to know and understand within my soul the strength which is in my weakness. Change me oh God.

And with that the man sought after the glow, the dim subtle glow deep within his heart. The tiny burning flame that pierced the dark place. He fanned it, and added fuel to it. He sat by it, he listened, he wept, he felt the flames warmth. As if on a bitter cold winter night, in solitude with just his creator, the man stared into the flame and pondered these things.

This man, he is no normal man, this man is a child of God. Any child of God is not normal, he is uniquely crafted for a mission bigger them himself, and far "under qualified" in the the Accuser's and world's standards.

This is simply a list, a cloud of ideas that somehow I want to, eventually, incorporate into our Poland missions, both our short term, and our long term trips.

• Genesis process - how to prevent addictive cycles (drugs, alcohol, sex, food, avoidance, and much, much, more) before they happen, and how to deal with current addictive issues.
• Wounded by shame and healed by grace - Shifting from a shame based lifestyle/paradigm, to a grace filled one. Deals with child-hood issues that filter how we view the world, and most importantly our relationships with others.
• Healing of the father wound - How the absence (either spiritually, mentally, physically, etc) of a father affects our relationship with our Heavenly father.
• Boundaries - How to create healthy boundaries that actually promote amazing relationships, creating doors/gates and not walls. Not allowing the guilt trips of others to control you, nor allowing the guilt of your past to control you either.
• FMO/FWO (For Men Only and For Women Only) purity groups. Not just sexual purity groups, not just accountability groups, not just "post-crisis" groups, these are groups that hold us to the high road. Groups that promote grace-filled truth telling, holding us to our priorities for the call that God has you in that particular season, weather that be a stay-at-home mom, or dad, an employee, a minister (which we all are), a disciple of Christ (which we all are), a friend, etc...

As I mentioned above, these are all a "cloud" of ideas, the actual time line for these things is not in stone, although elements of all of them will be used on all occasions. I will always put myself through these processes each time, as I know God has something new to reveal through them each time. How each thing will look, I have no clue, but I do know that these areas are trans-cultural, it's kingdom culture based, it's biblical, the delivery will certainly be different though.

Thoughts, comments?