My blog has moved!

You should be automatically redirected in 6 seconds. If not, visit
and update your bookmarks.

Thursday, January 30, 2003

So something was brought up tonight at my young adults group, which made me think. The speaker asked us to think about the things which open the door for Satan to get a hold of us... I eventually thought of things... like being busy, finding something else to do rather then spending time with God, and doing other things rather than reading God's word. Now these are all fine and dandy, but, beside those things, which a good majority of us suffer from (at least here in the Seattle Metro area), I couldn't and still have not thought of other real hard core things. This scares me, there must be something, I don't want to get to the point that I don't know what I need to work on!

So far though, I know of these things:

Get more into the word, instead of finding other things to do.
Stop being afraid to just study my Bible where ever I want (work, school, parks, etc).
Continue to bounce lustful thoughts out of my head.
And a new goal, try and be encouraging about everything!

So, pray for me, I�m praying for you, we are all in this together, and it can only get better from hear!

Tuesday, January 28, 2003

Now I know I just blogged like three min ago... but I have this to say. I love comments, good and bad, but especially the bad. You know why? Because all I want to do is grow, and if someone doesn't understand, doesn't agree, or has something to shed truth onto, I love to listen. The Holy Spirit leads us to the truth, and lets us know of false teaching, so listen, I love to! Just something that popped into my head; that's all for now folks.

So here I stand. Waiting for you. Where do I go next?

So I did, I hit my goal, one month of staying clean of the grasp of my past!
Now a new goal, boy if I can do a month, I can do eternity!
I'm surrounded by love; I�m exploding with wonder, awe, and excitement!

Finally i've gone step by step and followed you, you know what? It works, one step at a time, it works.

The first step, staying out of Satan�s grasp on my past.
The second step, working for you by getting to work on time, I�m still on this step, but I�ve got momentum now.
All I have is you to thank!

So be it.

Sunday, January 26, 2003

Hello all welcome to the continuing saga of me, I�ve been trying to make this site a place of encouragement, and at least that was my original intention. So� I�m at a lost for words right now, I feel like I�ve let my self down in this endeavor. But this is just a sign of how I�ve been feeling the last few weeks, like a let down. I�ve put these expectations on my self; all I want to do is make relationships with people, which screams Christ. But I always feel like this doesn�t happen. I�m either not outgoing enough, or I never steer the conversations to Christ; I never let myself have the opportunity.

I don�t believe there is a �pinnacle� to Christianity, but what happens when you reach the point that all you want to do is share Christ with people, and to serve? What�s next? Now I know I�m almost 21, and I have a lot more to learn, but right now I feel like I�m camping� I�m growing spiritually, I�m learning a lot, things are going great in my life, but what else can I do? The scary thing is� full time ministry? I�ve been so against the idea for so long, mostly because I feel like, how can I do anything to reach the �pre-Christ� if I�m around Christians all the time? Okay, so I need to pray, I don�t know what else to do.

And the last thing; I have spent much time fretting over the idea of my brother being baptized. Has he really made the decision from his heart to follow Christ? Is he just doing it because people have told him? Why? I called him on Friday hoping that he would go to the show that night, but he never returned my call� big surprise. So I�ve decided to just pray about it, try to talk to him about it, and let Jesus do the rest of the work. But until that day Feb 16th, I�m going to be full of anxiety.

.: prayers, prayer requests :.

God you are so awesome, you do things in such strange ways, but they are the perfect way.
God I ask for you to just give me a peace, or lead me in the direction I should be going in respect to my brother and family.
God please help me change to show your glory in all I do, I want to honor you in all I do.
God I thank you for just being there at all times, showing yourself, and I thank you more than anything that my brother and family are opening up to you.
God, you know my heart, you know my ideas, I just ask for you to make clear what I need to do, help me to encourage people all the time, I want to shine for you!

Saturday, January 25, 2003


A beacon of safety.
Standing strong at the shores of life.
Guiding lives to the rock, you stand upon.
A glorious light, seen afar by many.
So glorious, that the closest to you, can not look at you.
I want to be you, at least reflect you.

Since Tuesday.

On Monday night I had a huge database that I was working on, infact I worked on it so hard, that I got no sleep that night, went to work Tuesday all day, and continued until about 11:30 that night� ugh� never again.

Last Saturday I sent out an email to Foursquare Missions, the pastors at my church, and to the missionaries currently in Poland who I will be working with, asking for help in setting up funds, prayer support, and all that kind of stuff. I heard back from all of them with in two days, it was a little overwhelming. Foursquare missions said that unless something changes, I can�t go under them directly because they have no ordained pastors in Poland to work under, and the people I want to go with don�t work under Foursquare, I understand all the procedures, and I have no hard feelings, they just won�t be the way for me to get there. My church wants to meet with me and learn more about what I feel I am being called to, and the people in Poland just sent me more information, I need to email them about the new news I have and what I think needs to be done, I�ve prayed a lot and I feel like am to go about this the same way they did, through the existing organization.

I also learn that my brother dropped all of his classes in hopes of getting a job in Portland, OR, which I never supported the idea to begin with. He ends up not getting the job (he says he has a �slim� chance of it still), so now he�s dropped all his classes and lost his health insurance, and at this point he hadn�t told my parents he didn�t get the job. He also now has no car, so he�s borrowing from my parents. So I went and talked to my mom a couple of days later and found out he�s decided to move anyway to Portland, and live with a friend, and he�s leaving on the 2nd of Feb.

So the next day my mom leaves me a voice message to call her back, which is pretty normal, so I put it off until I�m off work. She asks me if I got her Christmas present done (my brother and I are putting together a CD of their favorite songs, for my parents, but it�s taken a little longer than I thought, mostly because of the lack of time), she then proceeds to tell me, on the 16th of February my brother is getting baptized! This shocks me out of my mind� The last time I talked to my brother about baptizing he didn�t know exactly what it meant, except his Boss was kind of pushing the idea (his Boss has been inviting him to church, which is awesome, praise God) and telling him he had to be baptized, this of course made me nervous, because being baptized should be a reaction of your heart, a personal decision, a public announcement that you have made the decision to follow Christ and everything he teaches. I told him this, so I can only pray that this is the decision he made.

I�m also a little wigged out by the Idea of going to Church with my family, this has never happened in my entire life, plus the idea of going to a charismatic church, I have no problem with this, since becoming Christian I�ve always attended a charismatic church, but my parents do not come from any kind of charismatic background, so this will be interesting. Another thing which has bothered me, but I�m okay with now, is the fact that my parents didn�t make any fuss over my baptism, and didn�t see me get baptized. So I just ask for prayer, for wisdom, the will of God, for me to be a light and for this whole situation to be a light, a door, a new beginning for my entire family!

Also I just ask for prayer for my friends, once again I believe Satan is causing animosity, confusion, hurt, and misunderstanding between my friends. In fact there is so much happening, I want to have a prayer time sometime in the next week or so, just a time to worship and praise God and pray for everything from this I�ve mentioned above to anything else in anyone�s life.

Oh yeah, by the way... I had my fix of Christian Emo Rock, it was great!

Wow.... My brain hurts.
My soul aches.
My body shakes.

My spirit, somehow, has grown.

Friday, January 24, 2003

Okay. So I thought I had some thoughts, well... Now I have even more and less time to write, so I promise you all, I will write.

I am conjuring thoughts, they will soon appear.

Tuesday, January 21, 2003

Sleeper/ written by Andrew Martin + Trey Pearson

The seas overtaken with fire, men giving into their own desires. The world wrapped up in itself, not even noticing truly what is wealth. And I don�t know what to do. And I�m waiting for you. Wake up O sleeper, rise from the dead and Christ will shine on you. Lay there no longer it�s time to arise and never go back through. Scared of the thoughts, the way you�re in, wanting to get out of this sin. You look around and just feel walls, and can�t get out of this eternal crawl. And I don�t know what to do. And I�m waiting for You�

[everyday sunday]

Everyone knows them
They adore them
All see them
Pop culture idolizes them

These people are special
In the name of entertainment
These people "have it all"


But are they happy?
Are they scared?
Why do they live?
What is important to them?

So lost
So hurt
So needy
So followed


I know there are people all around the world, the poor and homeless, who need Christ. But there are people in TV, the movies, music, and pop culture who need him too, just as much. Every time I look at the culture my heart aches for not just the people in the lime light, but the people they are affecting. I want to affect people too, but I want to be in another kind of light, his light! People are looking everywhere for total fulfillment, they just want to be loved� I don�t care how bitter someone is, that is what they want, to be loved and cared for. But people are human, they want all of this, but can�t deliver it. So I remind all of you, and my self, don�t leave the culture because it is bad, be in it, know the people and love them as Christ loves us. Then they too will know him, and love him, and learn that his ways are better than anything they could ever do with out him. Sex and Money may drive the culture, but they will not produce love. So let that light shine, let his love affect everyone you come into contact with. We are all in full time ministry. Pray for boldness, and opportunity. The Holy Spirit will guide you, do not be afraid. Pray for those people in powerful positions in our culture to meet Jesus. This is my ultimate calling, I don�t know how I will fulfill it, but I know it is to meet the needs of our culture and generation.

Monday, January 20, 2003

The Holy Spirit: Because I felt like writing a message, and its been on my mind for a while.

I�m sure you�ve made a bad decision before. Think of a specific time you made a decision, something deep down was telling you not to do it, but for whatever reasons (most of the time selfish) you did it anyway. Now, was this before or after making the decision to follow Christ? Most likely if you felt compelled to �justify� it, it was after accepting Christ, doesn�t matter how closely you were following� I believe this is one part of what the Holy Spirit does for us. If it was before accepting Christ, the Bible says �Right and wrong are written are your heart�. For me, I made plenty of decisions before Christ was in my life, many of them not good for me, or the people around me, some times I thought, this isn�t the best, but I never felt compelled to �justify� it or really double think about it. But, after accepting Christ things were different, I would actually have little �is this right or wrong� wars in my head� Well this lead to some confusion, so for some time I decided to �justify� things, make them right in my head� but even this, a lot of the time I felt �wrong� about it anyway, the still, small voice in me was saying NO.

What is the Holy Spirit?
In short the Holy Spirit is the �Mind� of God, when you accept to follow Jesus you are then filled with the spirit� Being filled with the spirit allows God the ability to speak and work through you. It�s like a teleprompter for your brain.

[1 Corinthians 2:1-16]

1 Dear brothers and sisters, when I first came to you I didn't use lofty words and brilliant ideas to tell you God's message.2 For I decided to concentrate only on Jesus Christ and his death on the cross.3 I came to you in weakness--timid and trembling.4 And my message and my preaching were very plain. I did not use wise and persuasive speeches, but the Holy Spirit was powerful among you.5 I did this so that you might trust the power of God rather than human wisdom.6 Yet when I am among mature Christians, I do speak with words of wisdom, but not the kind of wisdom that belongs to this world, and not the kind that appeals to the rulers of this world, who are being brought to nothing.7 No, the wisdom we speak of is the secret wisdom of God,* which was hidden in former times, though he made it for our benefit before the world began.8 But the rulers of this world have not understood it; if they had, they would never have crucified our glorious Lord.9 That is what the Scriptures mean when they say,

"No eye has seen, no ear has heard,
and no mind has imagined
what God has prepared
for those who love him."

10 But we know these things because God has revealed them to us by his Spirit, and his Spirit searches out everything and shows us even God's deep secrets.11 No one can know what anyone else is really thinking except that person alone, and no one can know God's thoughts except God's own Spirit.12 And God has actually given us his Spirit (not the world's spirit) so we can know the wonderful things God has freely given us.13 When we tell you this, we do not use words of human wisdom. We speak words given to us by the Spirit, using the Spirit's words to explain spiritual truths.14 But people who aren't Christians can't understand these truths from God's Spirit. It all sounds foolish to them because only those who have the Spirit can understand what the Spirit means.15 We who have the Spirit understand these things, but others can't understand us at all.16 How could they? For,

"Who can know what the Lord is thinking?
Who can give him counsel?"

But we can understand these things, for we have the mind of Christ.

In this passage Paul is telling the people of the Corinthian church why he spoke to them the way he did, instead of using words that the people wouldn�t understand he leaned on the knowledge of the Holy Spirit to guide him (v2-6), he kept it simple and basic for the new Christians. God�s spirit knows how to meet people just where they need to be, so we do not need to worry about talking to people, for we have the Spirit to guide us. We also learn that no one can know God�s thoughts except God�s spirit, and God has given us HIS SPIRIT! (v12). Remember though, only people who have the Spirit can understand the Spirit, the Spirit will help us speak to these people about spiritual things, but they will not understand God�s truths until they meet Christ for themselves. But we, Christians, can understand these things for we have the Spirit, we have the mind of Christ (v16).

When you begin to follow and release your self to the Spirit you develop certain qualities, which the bible refers to as the fruits of the spirit�

[Galatians 5:22-23]

22 But when the Holy Spirit controls our lives, he will produce this kind of fruit in us: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,23 gentleness, and self-control. Here there is no conflict with the law.

Love � Loving God first, his people and all people, God is love
Joy � Possessing what we desire or love
Peace � Knowing that everything is good
Patience � Time does not matter
Kindness � Serving other people�s needs
Goodness � Generally thinking/doing good
Faithfulness � Knowing God is there when there is no proof
Gentleness � Having compassion for others
Self Control � Able to control emotional and selfish outrages

Some versus to ponder�

1 John 2:26-27 � The Holy Spirit helps us discern false teachings
Ephesians 5:18-20 � How much of ourselves is under the Holy Spirit�s guidance?
2 Corinthians 5:16-17 � Holy Spirit makes us a new person
Luke 4:1-2 � Holy Spirit may test us
Ephesians 4:1-6 � It binds us together as a body of Christ
Ephesians 4: 28-30 � We can bring sorrow to the Holy Spirit
Philippians 1:1-11 � Holy Spirit helps us do God�s work.
1 Thessalonians 1:5 � By the Holy Spirit and the way we work gives assurance to those we share the good news with.

If we are sensitive to the Holy Spirit�s calling in our lives God will use us to spread his great news through all situations in our lives.

Friday, January 17, 2003

I now know what puts me in a bad mood, what rubs me the wrong way, and what I hope I never do to people, but I know I do sometimes.

You know what it is?

It's when I get to work and the first thing someone asks or tells me is "I have this problem", "Can you help me", "Quick, blah blah blah's computer isn't working and he/she needs it NOW!!!!".... AHHH people, calm down. When this happens to me first thing in the morning, I get really defensive, and it puts me in a bad mood, I give quick snappy answers, and don't make eye contact with the person... Grr I hate it, I hate it, I hate it.

No "Good morning Travis, how are you?"... That's all I want... just some polite greeting, a smile, not a frantic angry person who has no idea what to do but complain.

I wish that this didn�t affect me and that I could just turn the other cheek� I only remember one time where I was like� �And how is your day?� with a smile. But that was a special day, not sure why I was just happy. I don�t always get angry or annoyed, but I always notice it, and it usually makes me a little less happy to be at work.

So, anyways, this is one of my biggest pet-peeves, just say HI people� Start a small conversation; don�t complain to me right away! I�ll be more than happy to actually help if you don�t attack me right away!

Wednesday, January 15, 2003


So here we are, in a black, cold, wet room. The world seems to be entering a vortex, spinning out of control. What can we do? Life just gets faster and faster, busier and busier, and every day we see less and less of each other. Our families go days, weeks, months with out seeing us. We talk to people, but do we really talk to them? Do we relate to people, do we really care? A man nearly 2003 years ago taught us how to deal with the world, keep it simple was the basis of his speeches. What can we do? The rain falls, the sky is gray, and the sun never rises. We make a trip to the top of the mountain, the sun rises, the air is warm the sky is blue and everyone lights up. But when we return the sun never comes out, and the rain never dries up. Our heads spin, our worlds collide, our lives are full, their busy, they keep us from enjoying our own little mountain top experience. The small still voice continues to thrive, although we do not listen. The doors open and they shut and we keep walking on by, or breaking down the shut doors. What can we do? Be still, be quiet, and be simple. Stop thinking, stop worrying, it's going to be okay. These hands are small, his hands are big.

Questions for him.

What are the stars for?
Why did you make the planets?
What's with the other galaxies?

You painted the sky so beautifully, you created the Earth so wonderfully, I can not but only imagine what the heavens are like, and what your glory feels, looks and hears like. Thank you for being you. We all need something bigger than our selves, to save our selves from our selves.

Monday, January 13, 2003

A nightmare to be told. Sex, Scandal, and Life.

This is an actual dream/nightmare I had last night.

The scene: Some kind of �Christian� retreat or conference (at least everyone involved were Christians in my life at the current moment). In some kind of mountain resort, but in the summer time, possibly in Canada� in a Hotel/Resort.

The people: All people I know in real life, but it involves different groups of people I�m involved with, but the groups are not associated with each other, therefore these people don�t know each other.

It�s the first night of our little �retreat/conference� and before I know it, I�m having sex with one of the girls in our group, I don�t recall any details, I just know it happened (you know how dreams are). So after this little night of sin� about half the day goes by before everyone realizes that this girl has been murdered. Yeah that�s right murdered, so apparently I have a problem� The thing is� I didn�t murder her. For some silly reason everyone knows that I was with her the previous night, so of course everyone assumes that it was me who killed her.

After about what seems like 2 hours, the police and FBI (dreams sure are strange) determine through �biological� evidence that I was with her the night before. I distinctly remember the sheets where my sin took place being held up for all to see, as in a really bad movie version of �Clue�. What to do� well it turns out that after a whole lot of humiliation that the leader of the group (who is a real group leader in my life) is the one who killed her. Why? I don�t know. This is where I woke up� with all kinds of things going through my head�

What on Earth, In hell, or Heaven does this all mean?

I�m guessing either it�s what my life would have been had I not decided to follow Christ. Or what it will be like if I fall away� Wow bad stuff, good reminder� a little harsh� maybe� but I�m glad that I�ve decided to continue to follow him. Otherwise, my goodness!

Sunday, January 12, 2003

The boy now...

He stands at the fragile edge of a new life.
Before him, a few doors to oppurtunity.
But for now he continues down the same dusty path.
This path has been the same for four years now.
Coming soon, a break in the path.

At the break he finds two doors,
one to adventure and obedience,
the other to cowardness and comfort.
He takes the steps to the door of adventure,
but he must wait and sit at it's steps.
Until the resources are in, and the time is right.

For now his heart is to serve,
but at the same time he is too tired of the current path.
He has no motivation to continue down this path,
he would rather sit at the door of adventure and do nothing but ponder what is to come.

When he worships the creator,that is the only state of complete satisfaction for him.
He wants to stand at the edge of his throne and fall to his knees before the king.
He is frustrated that he has not taken the oppurtunities to teach others of Christ.
The boy wants to move on with his life, but life is not moving that fast.

The boy prays to God for peace, and wisdom in his decisions.
How much, how far, how fast, how will he do it.
God has called him to these things.
God has provided him with skills which produce the resources.
How can he use his skills to teach others of Christ.

When he returns from his adventure, what doors will be waiting to be knocked on.
Which ones will open?
Which one will he choose?
What school will he go to?
Who will he work for?
Who will be his friends?
What people will be in his life?

So many questions he has.
So many unanswered.
But he feels God's spirit in him,
guiding him.
He knows what will happen,
the anxiety is strong,
but the will must be done.

Our society makes me sick.

So there I am, sitting in a movie theater watching images of pour souls who are so lost. They have no idea what they are doing to themselves, they know there will be consequences but it�s all they know, they have never seen a good relationship with Christ. The majority of these people in the theater laugh at these things, find them entertaining, normal, and do not see why they are wrong. All I do is find my self getting upset, then I remember okay, this is a movie. I find my self praying, and asking God to just help these people see the consequences for their actions.

I want to scream at the top of my lungs and let these people know that they are loved, that I love them, that there are other people out there, that if they just opened their minds and listened that they could have this same love, we are all human, we all make mistakes but give us a try, or two, or ten, but you will see the love you will receive it. Why do people close their heads up, why do people just want to be left alone, this is so backwards! God I ask for you to give me the opportunities to talk to people, give me the wisdom, and give me the life to help people come closer to you! I am always praying for this� I also pray and ask for you to help me remember things I can use to do this work. Change me Lord to be a servant of yours.

�Catch me if you can� was good; in fact I liked it a lot. It was a good example of how the things in our life can be used for good. Although Frank had bad circumstances in his life he always found something to move ahead, although his means of this were not good, and he used the system and he used people, and he used women. Frank was just a lost soul making it through life the only way he knew, until he was finally given the chance to do it another way, but even then he wanted to revert to the old ways, it was more comfortable. That is where most people mess up, we get to comfortable with our selves, our jobs, our relationships to the point that we become blind and stop looking to better our selves and to grow. But the FBI guy (I forgot his character name, he was played by Tom Hanks) kept a relationship with Frank (which BTW was played by Leonardo DeCaprio), mostly because he had no family, but you see that�s just it, he wanted/needed a relationship and he found it through Frank as his mentor. I think the answer to the age old question of �what is the meaning of life is�: To have a divine relationship. Until each and ever person makes that relationship, we can not be happy, we can not have peace, we can not have hope.

So I challenge you with this� Never get to comfortable, never settle for anything until you are completely satisfied, never worry about the future though, for if you worry about the future than you will not have peace, always move closer with your relationships get to know your friends, your family, meet their needs as a human. Smile, you never know it may change someone�s day. Compliment people, everyone has something to compliment. Thank people, when they don�t �deserve� to be thanked by our cultures standards. Don�t be overwhelmed by everything going on around you. Remember God has GOOD plans for you, he will not give you more than you need, but the opposition may. Always strive to get closer to God. Remember to sit still sometimes, listen, do nothing but listen, don�t think.

I leave you with this favor to ask, always challenge me, if I say or do something you don�t agree with, tell me. If I get upset or angry, tell me. I am always open to being corrected. If you ask me how I�m doing, don�t let me get away with a bad answer like �fine� or �okay�� But most of all, let me know how I interact with people, because one thing I know is that I get into my comfort zone, and I don�t leave it, even as much as I want to, I don�t, if all I do is talk to people I know, then how will I reach people for Christ. Okay, that�s all I have to say right now. I�m done.

Saturday, January 11, 2003

I'm sorry about the pride.

I'm so sorry about the pride.
You've warned me a few times.
The first was at the great yellow arches,
but your grace was amazing, thank you.
The second, well a few days ago,
the parking garage got the best of me.
Each of these times, i've just polished up my image,
got it all looking preatty, then bam I lose my self.
I'm so sorry about the pride,
I'm gunna keep on tryin', because I want to be humble,
I want to serve, I must serve.

Lord! I'm frustrated!

I just want to show your love to everyone! I just want to wrap my arms around you! I just want to fall at your feet! I want to serve you! I want to serve people! But I keep failing too, I keep cowering away from things, I keep putting people in their bubles, finding excuses to just ignore them. I am so frustrated.

So this entertained me for a few hours today...

Fake check for $95,000 clears... Click here

You'll need a lot of time for this... but it's funny! Life is so strange sometimes, what would you have done? I think I would have done something along the same lines as this guy. Although I would have never tried to deposit the check to begine with... if I had... hmm... Infact I liked it so much I even tipped the guy $5 for entertaining me for the afternoon...

Well i'm going to see "Catch me if you can" tonight, i'll let ya'll know what I think...

Friday, January 10, 2003

Have this generation see.
May you live in all of us.
Have your news spread.
Our generation longs for you.
It longs for you.

Touch the others for you.
Have them see your love.
Have them touched by you.
The whole long for you.
They long for you.

The lost want you.
They search for you.
We want to bring them to you.
Our generation will live for you.
Live for you alone.

This is a new generation.
Open to you.
Let us serve you.
We love you,
we love everyone.
We love you,
we love everyone.

Every sunrise is yours.
Everyday we will work for you.

So this is who I am. I use to have a fuse the length of my pinky, but now I only get mad at machines which should be in working order and have no apparent reason for not working. I use to have sexual fantasies all the time, but now I have dreams of being in heaven with God forever and that is more exciting than anything I can reproduce here on earth by my self. I use to think the world was going got end, everything was getting worse, people were generally mean and had no meaning, but now I know we all have a purpose and unless you've met God you will always feel empty. I use to be shy, I hated talking to people I didn't know because I just knew they didn't like me for some reason, so why talk to them, now I love all people I know some people still don't like me for whatever reason, but it's not my fault. I have real brothers and sisters now, brothers and sisters who I will enjoy forever.

Although my past is not the greatest, it has made me who I am, and I will not be ashamed of it. I have more confidence now than I did just a year ago, and every day it gets better, and it's a Godly confidence, not an overbearing one. God gives me joy that is unspeakable; he gives me love that is irresistible I can't fight it! He took my shame and I believe it, he shines his light on amazing grace and I receive it! God has battled for my spirit and the invasion is complete and I like it! I was down and broken, thrown into the mud, stomped on, spit on, laughed at, hurt in every way imaginable but now I am a new person.

I have found myself; I have found myself in Christ. I have been set free of the sins of this world, I know I will have times where I will fall, but I am forgiven because I truly want to change. All I want to do is serve. I still have things to work on, I'm still lazy, unless I have an outside person to be accountable towards or be threatened by, I will continue to be late to work, I recognize this, but in the morning I don't!!! But I know I am blessed, all I have to do is wake up in the morning to realize that. I want to dance in the streets and sing of his mercy to everyone! My love overflows, my brain hurts just thinking about the possibilities, I feel so lame sometimes, I feel so selfish for sharing with everyone! Why do I get to have this love? I don't deserve it! But God gives it anyway! I know what keeps me away from sharing w/ everyone! My own fears of how people will react, and Satan, there is a spiritual war out there, lift up all your prayers in Jesus' name that his will be done.

I like Blue, I like blue a lot! I like old school Prince. I like my apartment, my car, my stuff to be clean. I love people. And now for the first time, I like the way I physically look, and you know what, not much has changed, just my attitude. There are a few quirks I don't like, I'm still getting over the touchy thing, Because of the sexual assaults against me in my teen years still linger, I have a problem with hugging people, and simply being touched in an affectionate way, but I will overcome this, God will do this in me! I pray that I remain in his will!

Sit Travis, Stay Travis, Be still. Listen for him, he is there. Have faith his plans are good. Stay in his will. Never lose the passion for him.

Right now as I look out my window, over the balcony, and down at the play area, I see children playing kick ball. They laugh, they smile, they are happy. What happens to those things? Have faith like a child. Lift up your voice to God, sing praise. God has infinite love for us, for me, for you, for everyone.

Okay enough about me. What about you?

Thursday, January 09, 2003

So we look at the Sun, and we feel its warmth.
There?s something about the sun that reminds us of your love.

And we look at the earth, and we see its beauty.
There?s something about the earth, which makes us see your glory.

We see the moon, it reflects the sun.
There?s something about the moon, which reminds us of your son.

The sun gives life to the Earth and light to the moon.
We just want to stand at the ocean,
turn our faces to the sun feel the warmth,
watch the beauty of the Earth all day,
ponder at the moon and the stars.

Every day the sun rises
Every day the earth turns
Every day the moon shines

You�ll just have to wait.

When I look into your eyes they will sparkle.
When I see your smile I will smile.
When we talk we will finish each others thoughts.
When we are alone God will be there.
We will annoy each other.
We will play with each other.

I seek for you my love.
I want the time to worship our God with you.
I see our children laughing and playing.
We love people because we love Jesus and he loves us.

But for now I wait.
For now I grow with God.
God is my soul mate.
My soul was created for a relationship with him.
Your soul was created to be filled by him.
I seek him and him alone.
You will be my gift from him.
And together we will grow for him.

For now you�ll just have to wait.
Because I am not ready.
No I�m not ready.
Not ready.

Wednesday, January 08, 2003

This is Travis

I usually get a mocha or frapacinio mostly when I'm with people or on my way to something entertaining.
I am chronically late to work.
I have a new found love of writing.
I am a chameleon but don't care.
If I've tried it a few times before and didn't like it, then I won't do it again.
Sometimes I do things I don't like because I would rather be doing something with people.
I love Jesus.
I love people.
I wish I was an affectionate person, but I have a mental block with it.
I like the outdoors, but only in perfect conditions.
I love driving, even bad traffic.
I like decorating and making things look neat.
I don't care if people use my car, as long as I give them permission.
I want a Godly wife.
I want kids, preferably one boy and one girl, but whatever God gives me is good.
I love music, all kinds.
I want to be more blunt, not so much tolerance, no more wishy washy.
I want to shine w/ God's love to others.
Tolerance is not love.
I will eventually get into Political Science, I've always like it I think I''l do that when I get back from Poland.
I'm independent, wasn't always this way, but now I can be by my self and be ok.
I hate being bored, I have to find something to do.
I like roast beef sandwiches.
I love to praise and worship God.
I nearly have the exact same lunch everyday and I HATE IT!
That lunch- Turkey sub sandwich w/ Mayo, lettuce, tomato, onion with American and Swiss cheese, and either fries (if all they have is nasty Caesar salad) or green salad and potato salad.
I try to not worry about tomorrow; I'm usually successful in this area.
I wasn't cut out for school part time, and work full time.
I like cats, and I like only smart dogs.
I like fish, but find it really annoying getting a fish tank working right.
I like all kinds of music, a lot of stuff others don't like, but I don't care, just wish I had the money to buy more, and get better systems to play it on!
I love the city and I love the mountains.
I am never fully happy with my self, but I love my self.
I sin everyday.
I sometimes say things just to be part of the conversation or to have some attention, I always feel retarded afterwards.
I'm a spontaneous buyer.
I love shopping.
I love getting new clothes.
I'm already dead, so I'm going to live for God instead.
Above all of this I love God.

If there is any random person out there who I do not physically know, please tell me what kind of person you think I am... I'm quite curious as to how people may perseve me just by reading my blog.

No matter what I do, what I hear, what I see, what I say or how I react, I will always continue to get closer to people and to God.

I don�t always know who my friends are; I don�t always treat my friends like friends.
I don�t always know if I�m hearing God or my self; I don�t always listen to God when I do know.
I don�t always understand people; sometimes I don�t try to understand people.
I don�t always feel love from others; I don�t always display love towards others.
People who know how to communicate good I admire; sometimes I don�t like what people have to say.

Sometimes I just look out at the earth, and I see pure beauty, the mountains are awesome, the sun reflects off the water, the sky is blue, the birds sing, the squirrels play. Other times I look at the city and I see amazing structures of man, the reflection of the mountains, water and sky off the buildings is amazing. Both the creations of Man and God are amazing, but God�s are awesome, and they were created divinely.

When I start to get confused about life, people and God, I just have to calm down, stop thinking and look around me. I think god created the �keep it simple� rule, when you make life too complicated it will get confusing.

I will always be there for my friends, and family. I will always look for the opportunity to serve people and to meet their needs. I will be a servant to others and to the Lord. Although I can hardly get up in the morning for work, my desire is to serve people. Whatever you need, if I can do it, I will.

.: prayers, prayer requests :.

Father God you fill my heart with your awesome love and glory!

I ask for you to give me the passion and desire to serve people everyday, I want to be in your will, I want to serve you and your people. Lord, I ask for the opportunity to show your love and life to all I meet and interact with for the rest of my days here. I also ask that you put people in my life who will challenge me; and others who will be there for accountability.

Lord I thank you for giving me the power to overcome my sins the last few weeks, I thank you for your grace and forgiveness, help me to continue this path of change and discovery of who you really are and to do your work. I ask for continued support every day, I know I can fall anytime, but I don�t want to, I want to live in freedom and you have provided me that path. Your love endures forever your kingdom reigns forever, you remain the same, you are never changing, THANKS!

Thank you Lord for my friends, each and every one of them! I am so thankful for them, they have all helped me in some way to grow and become a better person. But, even though they are all awesome, I ask for a brother who I can be specifically accountable with, a brother who may also need the same accountability. Lord I also pray for whoever my future wife is, I simply lift her up and I pray that your power and love just pour into her life and the life of her friends. I pray for all the people I will be meeting when I go to Poland, Lord I ask for you to give me the courage and the wisdom to talk to people here at home about what you have asked me to do for you. I ask you to just prepare everyone for the next 2 years of many changes and I ask for you to be with me, all my friends and family, and to never have any of us leave you, I ask for your protection too. Thank you lord.

In my Savior�s Name, Jesus Christ,


Jesus Teaches about Asking, Looking, Knocking [Mathew 7:7-11]
�Keep on asking, and you will be given what you ask for. Keep on looking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened. For everyone who asks, receives. Everyone who seeks, finds. And the door is opened to everyone who knocks. You parents--if your children ask for a loaf of bread, do you give them a stone instead? Or if they ask for a fish, do you give them a snake? Of course not! If you sinful people know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give good gifts to those who ask him.�

The Golden Rule [Mathew 7:12]
�Do for others what you would like them to do for you. This is a summary of all that is taught in the law and the prophets.�

Friday, January 03, 2003

So i'm on the move again. I'll be back on Sunday. So I leave you with this.

Everything in bold I found to be applicable in my life at the moment

To learn, you must love discipline; it is stupid to hate correction.
The LORD approves of those who are good, but he condemns those who plan wickedness.
Wickedness never brings stability; only the godly have deep roots.
A worthy wife is her husband's joy and crown; a shameful wife saps his strength.
The plans of the godly are just; the advice of the wicked is treacherous.
The words of the wicked are like a murderous ambush, but the words of the godly save lives.
The wicked perish and are gone, but the children of the godly stand firm.
Everyone admires a person with good sense, but a warped mind is despised.
It is better to be a nobody with a servant than to be self-important but have no food.
The godly are concerned for the welfare of their animals, but even the kindness of the wicked is cruel.
Hard work means prosperity; only fools idle away their time.
Thieves are jealous of each other's loot, while the godly bear their own fruit.
The wicked are trapped by their own words, but the godly escape such trouble.
People can get many good things by the words they say; the work of their hands also gives them many benefits.
Fools think they need no advice, but the wise listen to others.
A fool is quick-tempered, but a wise person stays calm when insulted.
An honest witness tells the truth; a false witness tells lies.
Some people make cutting remarks, but the words of the wise bring healing.
Truth stands the test of time; lies are soon exposed.
Deceit fills hearts that are plotting evil; joy fills hearts that are planning peace!
No real harm befalls the godly, but the wicked have their fill of trouble.
The LORD hates those who don't keep their word, but he delights in those who do.
Wise people don't make a show of their knowledge, but fools broadcast their folly.
Work hard and become a leader; be lazy and become a slave.
Worry weighs a person down; an encouraging word cheers a person up.
The godly give good advice to their friends; the wicked lead them astray.
Lazy people don't even cook the game they catch, but the diligent make use of everything they find.
The way of the godly leads to life; their path does not lead to death.
[Proverbs 12]

Thursday, January 02, 2003

I learned a lot, made awesome friends, boosted my self confidence, my self image, and my self esteem, but i'm tired physically and mentally but not emotionally! God is (insert the best compliment you can think of).

So I leave you with this.

He made the earth by his power,and he preserves it by his wisdom.
He has stretched out the heavens by his understanding.
When he speaks, there is thunder in the heavens.
He causes the clouds to rise over the earth.
He sends the lightning with the rain and releases the wind from his storehouses.
Compared to him, all people are foolish and have no knowledge at all!
They make idols, but the idols will disgrace their makers, for they are frauds.
They have no life or power in them.
Idols are worthless; they are lies!
The time is coming when they will all be destroyed.
But the God of Israel is no idol!
He is the Creator of everything that exists, including his people, his own special possession.
The LORD Almighty is his name!

[Jeremiah 51:15-19]