So this is who I am. I use to have a fuse the length of my pinky, but now I only get mad at machines which should be in working order and have no apparent reason for not working. I use to have sexual fantasies all the time, but now I have dreams of being in heaven with God forever and that is more exciting than anything I can reproduce here on earth by my self. I use to think the world was going got end, everything was getting worse, people were generally mean and had no meaning, but now I know we all have a purpose and unless you've met God you will always feel empty. I use to be shy, I hated talking to people I didn't know because I just knew they didn't like me for some reason, so why talk to them, now I love all people I know some people still don't like me for whatever reason, but it's not my fault. I have real brothers and sisters now, brothers and sisters who I will enjoy forever.
Although my past is not the greatest, it has made me who I am, and I will not be ashamed of it. I have more confidence now than I did just a year ago, and every day it gets better, and it's a Godly confidence, not an overbearing one. God gives me joy that is unspeakable; he gives me love that is irresistible I can't fight it! He took my shame and I believe it, he shines his light on amazing grace and I receive it! God has battled for my spirit and the invasion is complete and I like it! I was down and broken, thrown into the mud, stomped on, spit on, laughed at, hurt in every way imaginable but now I am a new person.
I have found myself; I have found myself in Christ. I have been set free of the sins of this world, I know I will have times where I will fall, but I am forgiven because I truly want to change. All I want to do is serve. I still have things to work on, I'm still lazy, unless I have an outside person to be accountable towards or be threatened by, I will continue to be late to work, I recognize this, but in the morning I don't!!! But I know I am blessed, all I have to do is wake up in the morning to realize that. I want to dance in the streets and sing of his mercy to everyone! My love overflows, my brain hurts just thinking about the possibilities, I feel so lame sometimes, I feel so selfish for sharing with everyone! Why do I get to have this love? I don't deserve it! But God gives it anyway! I know what keeps me away from sharing w/ everyone! My own fears of how people will react, and Satan, there is a spiritual war out there, lift up all your prayers in Jesus' name that his will be done.
I like Blue, I like blue a lot! I like old school Prince. I like my apartment, my car, my stuff to be clean. I love people. And now for the first time, I like the way I physically look, and you know what, not much has changed, just my attitude. There are a few quirks I don't like, I'm still getting over the touchy thing, Because of the sexual assaults against me in my teen years still linger, I have a problem with hugging people, and simply being touched in an affectionate way, but I will overcome this, God will do this in me! I pray that I remain in his will!
Sit Travis, Stay Travis, Be still. Listen for him, he is there. Have faith his plans are good. Stay in his will. Never lose the passion for him.
Right now as I look out my window, over the balcony, and down at the play area, I see children playing kick ball. They laugh, they smile, they are happy. What happens to those things? Have faith like a child. Lift up your voice to God, sing praise. God has infinite love for us, for me, for you, for everyone.
Friday, January 10, 2003
Posted by TravisM @ 4:42 PM |