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Saturday, December 28, 2002

*** Amendment 01/02/03 ****
This post is not about anyone who actualy reads my blog, it is about a friend who does not attend a school anywhere in the Seattle Metro area. I was actually offended and hurt that people would jump to the conclusion that I would write so blatently about someone as if I had no back ground information, no thought as to how someone would feel, and no wisdom from God. I have never used names in my Blog, and I never will, but this particular post was made very vauge because the details are not for me to announce, and I do have to say (now) that it did resemble a very different situation, but it was a coincidence.

Well here I sit in my bed. Today we take off for the CRU winter conference, I am so excited but in a mess of frustration, a really awesome friend of mine is being waylaid (in my opinion and experience) by Satan, and may not be able to go. This conference last year changed my life, and I know everyone always hears of things like this, but this truly did happen, all the seminars in the world couldn't add up to the importance of this conference last year. This isn't just a "retreat" in fact I am trying to steer away from calling it that; it is a conference of God. 1000 College students from the Pacific Northwest gathering to worship and learn and discuss God! How awesome could that be? If I knew a better word for awesome I would use it! Well I�m almost ready to get ready for the day, have a great time; I�ll be back on the 1st! Great times will be! Thank you Lord!

Thursday, December 26, 2002

Talk about DREAMS!

UW - Dorms, Weird Smoke, blocking all the air, people dieing... emergency radio alert...etc.etc.

Okay so a few days ago I had this dream.

I was in "my" dorm room at the University of Washington (I�ve always wanted to go there, but never have, I�m stuck in community college), talking to who was apparently my roommate, then all of a sudden we were down in a large grassy field (much like the fields of the "shire" in the Lord of The Rings) playing football (I hardly ever play football) with a bunch of guys and friends (some of which I currently know, but at this point I don't remember who they were now). The buildings were not actual UW dorm halls, and I have no idea where on campus we were since there seemed to be just acres and acres of grass fields and trees. I remember it was like a mid-spring day, it was gorgeous, the sun was out and it was a comfortable temperature.

Then all of a sudden a city-wide alarm went off, and that emergency alert system alarm was going off on the radios, and we all looked up and saw smoke rising up from the downtown area of Seattle. It was suddenly a very scary looking sun-set type of sky, it was a horrible sight, and it was freaking everyone out, I remember running up the stairs of my "dorm" building and going into my room, turning on the TV. Then all of a sudden everyone started to duck tape the windows and doors, I started to also. Then I noticed everyone dropping dead around me. Then I turned to watch the TV in horror as the local news channel disappeared and went to snow. Then I woke up. The end... grrr what a confusing dream!

So today was Jesus' birthday! Yay! My Mom's family is pretty good. No one gets drunk, there is no arguing mostly people just are happy... But they surely don't celebrate CHRISTmas for the Christ part of it... now they may think they do in "spirit" but they do not truly understand his love (except for my grandparents, and my mom to a point). I love them all though, and I just wish I could actually talk to them about Christ, I just wish I would always be able to bring up Christ, in such a way that they would question everything, that they would want to fill that hole w/ love from God! I so badly want this more than anything else in the world! I just want to be able to radiate Christ's love in everything I do, and in everything I say! I am so FRUSTRATED!!!! I only want to love people like he did, and have people see that!! I have such a confidence problem, such a problem with being touched, LORD I PRAY THAT THIS BE REMOVED!!! Okay... ahhh, I�m so mad at myself.

.: prayers, prayer requests :.

Oh God! All I ask is for you to remove the "touch" issues, remove the "confidence" issues, remove Satan from my life, and remove these sin traps from my life!! I only want to live for you! ONLY! I also ask for you to bring people into the lives of my co-workers, my family and my friends to bring them closer to you and for them to know your love!

Witnessing... [2 Timothy 1:5-8]

5 I know that you sincerely trust the Lord, for you have the faith of your mother, Eunice, and your grandmother, Lois. 6 This is why I remind you to fan into flames the spiritual gift God gave you when I laid my hands on you. 7 For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline. 8 So you must never be ashamed to tell others about our Lord. And don't be ashamed of me, either, even though I'm in prison for Christ. With the strength God gives you, be ready to suffer with me for the proclamation of the Good News.

Tuesday, December 24, 2002

** Please read the post below this first **

So I decided to take the "Why are you still single?" test on and this is what it said...

Travis, you're single because you don't want to settle...

You, more than others, have a fairy tale fantasy of how things should be. Ever since you were a kid, you've probably dreamed of the perfect wedding, coming home to a white picket fence, dog, and 2.2 kids (how does that work, anyway?). When someone asks what you're looking for, you don't skip a beat: You're likely to have a handy checklist that details your perfect partner. Hair and eye color, height, religion, education, career, interests, the list goes on.

While it's great to have standards � Hey, you shouldn't have to settle, after all � there's one slight glitch in your master plan: No one has made the grade in real life � at least not yet. Next time you're out with someone, keep yourself from mentally checking that list, and give love � and others � a chance. That special someone who you've written off may be perfect for you after all...

So for the most part this is true. There are a few things I will not deny though, who ever I date/marry/even to be slightly intrested, must Love Jesus! I truly believe that someone is out there to meet the grade, God will bring her. But it's not as strict as it seems, basically here they are:

1. Must love Jesus with all her heart, mind and soul.
2. Must love others as Jesus does with her heart, mind and soul.
3. Must love worshiping God in song and action.
4. Must like music of all kinds.
5. Has to be called to a "compatible" life, IE. I'm being called to evangelism in Seattle, she must be called to something which doesn't conflict.
6. I of course have to be attracted to her (the "types" very a lot, so don't worry, it's not an abercrombie girl) and be around my height or shorter.
7. God approves.

Looking into your eyes I see the rest of me.
You complete me in every way I need.
Because of you I continue to grow.
Your touch is amazing.

And you complete me.
You fill me up.
You strengthen me.
All of you is what I need.

When your down,
I'll be there.
I'll look into your eyes,
to comfort you.

Jesus is real.
He is our center.
I love you for him.
Keep it real.

And you complete me.
You fill me up.
You strengthen me.
All of you is what I need.

You are everything this world can offer.
Everything else can not come close.
Thank God for you.
What else would I do.

Thank you God.
Thank you God.
Thank you.

Monday, December 23, 2002

Tired, Just, Need.

I'm tired.
I'm tired of petty people issues.
I'm tired of "nitpicking".

Just do it.
Just go and tell the person.
Just have confidence.

I need to speak up.
I need someone to be acountable.
I need to listen to God even more than ever.

Saturday, December 21, 2002

I have one prayer. I have friends, they need to feel God's true love, they know God, but they don't see him in everything. They need to see him; they also need to guard their hearts, not only from the opposite sex, but from the things which hurt. They need to realize that God has taken away those things, they those things can not hurt them again, and they only continue to hurt because they have held onto those things in some way. I also have this same problem, I continue to hold onto these things that hurt, because it is all I know, I did not know the truth, I still continue to turn to those things rather than God. This is why we must always seek to know God and his truth. I ask all of these things in Jesus' name. Thank you Lord, thank you Friends, thank you to all who pray these things and who also struggle with them. God is good all the time; I want to always seek him, which is my ultimate goal.

Friday, December 20, 2002

Knowing your love.

I know your love when I'm looking into the eyes of a child. I know your love when I�m looking up at the cosmos. I know your love when I can be content with my life. Your love is the warmth that I feel. Your love is love that can not be broken. Love from you is never ending, never inconsistent and never conditional. Love from you is amazing. Knowing your love is what keeps me sane. Knowing your love helps me with all that I do. Knowing your love is what I love. I hear your love in the voices of people, broken, happy, sad, ill, void of hope, I hear your love if it�s there or not there I hear your love. I see your love in all of your creation, your people, your trees, your grass, your rain, your snow, your everything. With out your love, I don�t know what I would do, I don�t know how I survived before your love. Only with you can I move on now. Only you are love. For me, your love is felt most through worshiping you with my spirit, soul, voice, mind, actions, and emotions.

Thursday, December 19, 2002

Dear Jesus,

What was it like to be here on earth? What did you really look like? When are you coming back? Why will/do some people refuse to believe of you? I want to know you more! What will it be like to be with you forever? I want everyone to know you even more than I do! Lord, how can I help? Why do we have to do the job? I know that all of these questions can be found in faith and knowledge in your word, but i'm lazy I want to know now! But I will wait, for I understand that paitiance is important. You have given me so much! Why? To worship you is to have the smallest hint of what heaven will be, I want to worship you by my actions, what I say, what produce, in my relationships, I want to not only worship you in song, but in everything else! I want to worship you with my entire life! Only then, will I continue to constantly enjoy you, otherwise the instant I forget my main goal, which is to live for you, and to love others as you do, the world as you designed it will eat me alive. But I have this one last hope, you will never leave me, I can leave you, but you won't leave me and I believe since I truly believe and follow you with all my heart I can not leave you, why!?!? That would be just stupid.

In your awesome name,


Dear God,

You are amazing. You fill me up with joy which is unimaginable. Your love overflows my soul. I�ve been afraid of changing, but I slowly understand why it is necessary. I am getting older, wiser, and I have more questions than ever before. Thank you Jesus for this amazing life you have given me. Thank you Jesus for my friends. Thank you Jesus for my family. Thank you Jesus for everything. I have been deeply touched by the friends you have given me, I love them so much. Thank you.

I love you.



Tuesday, December 17, 2002

Falling to Temptation.

I'm going crazy.
Temptation is huge.
I've been so strong.
But the more I remain strong;
The stronger the Temptation!

Pray for me.

Another one of those personality tests... To see my real personality I suggest you read the rest of my blog...

This is the inkblog test from

Travis, your unconscious mind is driven most by Imagination

This means you have a deep desire to use innovative ideas to enhance your life and influence the world around you. This drive influences you far more than you may realize on a conscious level.

Your need to be innovative drives how you look at new opportunities and the kinds of experiences in life you choose to have. On an unconscious level, the reason you may be so driven by imagination is your fear of destruction, the opposite of creation. When you are unable to create due to restrictions imposed by your environment or even ones you unwittingly impose on yourself, do you feel trapped or confined? You may find these feelings of unease only get better when you find another outlet for your imagination.

With such a strong creative orientation, you are willing to entertain a broad spectrum of ideas at any given time. The world is a fuller, richer place because you can contribute new ideas to any experience. Your natural curiosity inspires those around you and encourages them to come up with ideas they wouldn't have thought of without your help.

Though your unconscious mind is driven most strongly by Imagination, there is much more to who you are at your core.

Monday, December 16, 2002

Once there was this boy

He was born into a "normal" American household,
Normal looking that is.
The boy's father was alcoholic,
The boy's father tried to hit the boy.
The boy's mother left his father,
They soon divorced
But first another child was conceived by another man.

This second child's father left soon after his birth.
The boy and his new brother along with their mother lived on well-fare.
Then came along another man,
Who would wed this mother and take in these boys.

So the boy, his brother and his mom along with his new step father moved to the small town.
Here the boy eventually went to preschool.
Visited his birth father on the weekends.
He met a good friend in this preschool,
This friend was a girl, a girl in deed.

Soon the boy went to kindergarten in what was then a small school,
In a small town, in a large valley.
The boy's birth father died that year,
His burial included the 21 gun salute, and the American flag handed to the boy,
The boy was petrified by the uniformed men who handed him the red, white and blue flag folded into a triangle.
This was the end of an era for the boy.

The boy was soon transferred to a brand new school only a few miles from home.
Here he met, and made many new friends,
Only one would last.
Another would impact his life forever.

He left that school to enter middle school.
In those years the good, the bad, and the ugly appeared.
The good - more friends.
The bad - a friend taking the boy's trust, abusing his kindness, and his love.
The ugly - a "friend" discovering his sexuality with the boy.
In those years, it was dark.

Three long years of finding ones path,
The boy was lost,
The boy was broken,
And the boy needed a true friend.

The boy grows up,
He enters high School.
High school treats him well he's now been playing music for four years.
In fact music becomes his passion, he learns, he plays, he has fun.
But, the boy's parents have only been to one concert, his first, back in grade school.
The boy decides to join other activities,
Cross country and track,
He runs from life.

The boy is confused,
Sexual desires,
All messed up,
What shall he do?
He does not know.

The ugly friend leaves the boy's life,
Thank God, is there a God?
His friend from preschool, she's back.
They become the best of friends again.
Life is good, but sin is in.

The boy's preschool friend,
Claims she's found God.
God, how could this be?
You can't "find" God.

The boy's parents
They love him.
They teach him.
But he desires more.
His parents teach at him,
Of the ways of the good book.
But, it's religion.
The boy is not inrested in religion,
It's fake, it not real, it's not tangible.
It does not touch.

The preschool friend,
She's real, she sees God.
The boy wants to see God.
He wants God.
He wants unconditional love.

The boy's parents see their last concert of his,
Seven years and they have seen two concerts.
3 years of high school sports, they see none.
Where is the love, he knows it, but he doesn't see it the way he wants.

The preschool friend invites the boy to her God's school.
He takes six months to finally make a visit.
He's scared, confused, but drawn to what he sees.
The teachers in this school are much different.
They too have real lives,
They are not religious!

The boy makes new friends in this school of God.
These friends have the knowledge of God.
The teachers know God personally.
The teachers have God.
The boy wants to know God.
The boy wants to have God.

The new friends from this new school go on a trip,
The boy decides to go too, but his preschool friend can not,
The boy goes anyway.
The boy sees the true love of God, his people, and his students.
He believes, he knows there is a God.
But he still doesn't know God personally.

The sin continues in his life,
He's confused, sexual desires, boys, girls.
The boy does not know anything else, but what the ugly one did.

The boy is in a dark world,
A world full of hate,
A world of no love,
A world where God is a four letter word.

The boy is at this school of God's.
He listens to the music, the words, the people
He then for the first time hears God's voice.
The boys will follow God,
Step by step,
He will follow God all of his days.

The boy steps out of the black void, and into the light.
He's met God.
He knows God.
He now wants to know God's plan,
And will for him.

He continues to fall,
But now he knows he's forgiven.
He tries to turn around now.
He wants to change now.
For he loves God, and God loves him.

He moves on,
He moves out,
He's in college now.
He has a new pack now.
He leads a pack, he's a teacher and student of God now

He's left his first school of God now,
But that's okay; he still loves those people,
And they still love him.
God is good, all the time, all the time, God is good.

He's in a new town now,
He's got new friends now,
But he seeks God, his friends do too.
He's got a new school of God,
It's full of people just like him.

Life can still be hard,
But God is there all the time.
Life may bite, but God heals that wound.
The boy knows this, he fully accepted it.
For the condition of the boy's heart is for God alone,
No one can destroy that, take it away, or abuse that.
That is why the boy has the life he has.

The boy did nothing except ask for God's son to take control of his life.
God did everything else.

And another thought by Travis...

I am an introvert in a group of extraverts and I am an extravert in a group of introverts.

I am happy with this, case closed on the "I�m not in the pictures, I�m not in the stories� blog.

Sunday, December 15, 2002

I have nothing profound to say except this.

"Grr on it. Profound words from Travis."

I want to say more, but I can't think of anything right now. I had a blast tonight. I still love Jesus, and that's what's important. I do not want to go to work in the morning, actually I don't want to go all week, I don't want to go the rest of the month. Hmmm... that's a problem, big problem.


Friends are forever if the Lord is the Lord of them... I believe this is so true in ALL relationships. If Jesus is the Lord of your life and, the center of your relationships with people then you NEVER should have to worry about those relationships going bad. Now we are all human, we all make mistakes, but as a Christian we know these things, we continue to love people for those reasons. I Love every one of my friends more every day! I may get annoyed or upset with someone but I still love the person, I will never get mad at someone enough to drop them as a friend, I will keep on loving, seeking, and wanting to grow with that person forever. This is all true because these are all the things that God does in our lives, he will always continue to seek after you, grow after you and love you forever no matter what you do. I will always do the same for him, and the same with all my friends! I love everyone. So just remember that I love all of you, and I will always love you no matter what you do to me, or how I act, or whatever.

Now onto another subject.

Am I untouchable? Do I put of this "don't touch me" aura? I'm just wondering... It just seems that sometimes everyone else gets a hug and I get a handshake... sometimes not even a handshake. I know I have issues in this area, but I don't know how to stop it. It really hurts to see others get hugs and for other guys to be flirted with, and i'm just kind of ignored, or just smiled at... do I smell? (j/k) I mean, what is it? This is really bothering me, I may not ever actually talk about this, because sometimes I feel like it's in my head.... A lot of the time I feel awkward when I go to hug someone, and a lot of times i'm an idiot and I shove my shoulder up someones nose, or something stupid like that. There have been a few times where I have gone home almost crying because everyone else had the hugs except me... :( Now I know a lot of this might be me being over analyzing... but I think there are some valid points. Please help me in knowing this. I mean, sheesh something... Like I said I know I have issues in this area, I feel really awkward with girls, mostly because I don't really want them to think I like them more, or i'm afraid they'll think I like them, and reject me, as a friend or boyfriend, doesn't matter they'll just reject because i'm ugly or something. There's a lot of other reasons i'm messed up in this area, I just pray that it's resolved soon, and i'm writing all of this so that you'll all know, and that maybe you might understand. I've been told before that I do put off a "don't want to be touched" type of thing... I really don't mean to! I have no idea why this comes out... some sort of defense mechanism I think, but I don't like it! So, never feel afraid to hug or touch me... I want to work in this area, i'll never reject it... I like (not in that way you sicko!) it. This is one of my next goals, is to figure this thing out, please help, if you want. :-) I love you!

Friday, December 13, 2002

Like A Child
Dear God, surround me as I speak,
I ask for this everyday
the bridges that I walk across are weak
This would be my job
Frustrations fill the void that I can't solely bear
This would also be my job
Dear God, don't let me fall apart,
I also ask for this everyday
you've held me close to you
Yes he has, Amen
I have turned away and searched for answers I can't understand
This is also true, i'm glad he has the answers


They say that I can move the mountains
Wow, imagine that! AWESOME
And send them falling to the sea
Again, how awesome is this?
They say that I can walk on water
I can't even swim!
If I would follow and believe
Okay, God I do!
with faith like a child
Now, this is a problem, but i'm trying, with all my heart i'm trying

Sometimes, when I feel miles away
Which is just about every morning when that stupid beeping/buzzing sound goes off
and my eyes can't see your face
Well, yeah that happens in the morning too, but through out my day too
I wonder if I've grown to lose the recklessness
I sure hope so, I want to become solid
I walked in light of you


Little girl:
"I've got joy like a fountain!"
I've got joy like a fountain too! Amen... I just wish I could always be aware of it...
"Be kind one to others"
I try, I try so hard, I still need help in this area... I know, I can not be perfect
"In Jesus Christ Your son"
That's right baby!

They say that love can heal the broken
I believe this with every part of my soul and spirit!
They say that hope can make you see
Of course, otherwise what are we doing?
They say that faith can find a Savior
Faith will find a Savior...
If you would follow and believe
That's the key.
with faith like a child
And this is hard, but it will happen, and it is so true!

Written by Jars of Clay <--- I LOVE THESE GUYS!!!
Copyright 1995 BridgeBuilding Music (BMI)/
Pogostick Music (BMI). All rights reserved.

Thursday, December 12, 2002

Imagine being in a black void, you see a pearl of light, swirling in on your self. Soon, it enters yourself, you are feeling this awesome sense of joy, peace and love filling you up. Soon, the dark void begins to get brighter, you look at yourself, and you are glowing, it gets brighter and brighter. Pin hole beams of light begin to flow out of your body, out of every pore. Now it is at the point of blinding you. You are so awe struck by the happiness you feel inside, you don't even notice the pain your eyes are feeling. Soon the black void is filled with such a magnificent light, that all you see is white, white light which is living. You take a deep breath, and your lungs are filled, with a breath of fresh air, a crisp air which is found nowhere on Earth.

You soon realize that for the first time you are truly loved, this love can not be broken. You can feel the love all over and inside your body, mind, soul, and for the very first time, your spirit. Your entire world is rocked, what was once an enormous void which seemed impossible to fill, is now over flowing with a love you have no words for. You begin to hear thousands, maybe millions of voices, they are singing, you can't quite tell what the words are, but they resonate through your body, mind, soul and new spirit. You realize that, they too, have found this same love.

Once you return back to earth you can't do anything except yearn for everyone to embrace this same love you have experienced, and from that day forward, you can not but tell and show everyone of this love. Otherwise you feel selfish.

You have been filled by and with the Holy Spirit, the mind of God. You have come to know Christ. You have entered into a personal relationship with Jesus Christ and God the creator.

Wednesday, December 11, 2002

YAY... I think i'm done w/ Cascadia for a at least a few months now! There were no winter classes I could take, they were all durring times when i'm working... or sleeping (Saturdays), so you won't be seeing me around much, actually maybe you will I love the campus life... so i'm thinking of just hanging around when i'm bored... if it's any more entertaining than home... :-)


I had nothing to worry about, my class was canceled!!! YAY

Right now I have this nasty feeling in my gut, I guess you'de call them, butterflies... I really don't want to go to class, since last week I made a fool of my self and forgot we had a presentation, so I snuck out of class, but now I don't know what we are doing tonight, which is the last day of class... ARG. I hate it when I put myself in these situations, but at least I know it is never as bad as I think it will be. Anyway pray for me! :-) I am so excited to hear Don speak tonight! He's an awesome spaker, and CRU will be great... we can go out and celebrate the end of the quarter! Anyway, have fun everyone and i'll see most of ya soon. :-)

Thank God for guy friends! It's been a while since I�ve had a group of just guy friends... actually its been since about 6th grade... So, yeah... I enjoyed tonight A LOT, even though their was some awkwardness, but that's all good. I just have to thank a good buddy for introducing me to these great guys. I am almost embarrassed to say this, but I like Halo! I really, really suck! But I like it, so I�ll get better. I can�t wait until we hook up four boxes at my place and play 16 man Halo! So� anyway, thanks for the great guys to hang out with, God, your awesome.

I think it�s really important for guys to have guy friends, and ladies to have lady friends... I use to think it wasn't necessary but I like it, and I�m not sure why it�s good, but it just feels right.

Another note....

If there is anyone out there reading these things, please post your comments... go back and look at some of the older ones... please... I like to know things. Let me know what you think , you don't have to agree, maybe you'll make me think about something I haven't before. I love finding out new things, learning different ways of doing things, and most of all I love hearing from people. Even if you don't have something nice to say, say it, that's what I love the most, I really do try to be an open person.


Tuesday, December 10, 2002

Let's Roll
We as believers of Christ, know true love, correct?
We as followers of God, know truth, correct?
We as people with the Holy Spirit, know right and wrong, correct?
We as children of God, know, feel, and love people, correct?

Why do we keep this love, hope, and sense of security, everything that we get from God, to our selves? I think we should all in some way be striving to love people, the way Christ loves people. I think we should all want to grow stronger, know more, feel more, be more in contact with God. I think I am upset at the church for not reaching our own communities, in the United States! We should all make it a point to know, befriend, and to talk to more non-Christians than Christians! Now, of course only do this if you are strong enough to not fall again� At least we have the reassurance that his love is forever, we can not fall too far. Amen.


Let�s roll.

.: prayers, prayer requests :.

Jesus, you are awesome, you reign in our lives forever!

I ask that you give everyone of your followers the fire, the burning desire, and the excitement to talk to others about you, we have this awesome gift, now let�s share it!
Help me to become stronger, and less afraid to share you word, remove the thoughts that are not yours! Thank you for putting me in such a secular environment, that I can be only thankful for you everyday. I can�t take you for granite because I see how I was everyday!
I want to see you enter the lives of every person, student, co-worker that I come in contact with! I ask for Satan�s plans to be destroyed, in Jesus� awesome name, and for Jesus� plans to reign through out my entire life, and every Christian on the face of Earth.

I ask all of these and every other need of my brothers and sisters to be answered, in your son�s name.


The Great Commission [Mathew 28:16-20]

16 Then the eleven disciples left for Galilee, going to the mountain where Jesus had told them to go. 17 When they saw him, they worshiped him--but some of them still doubted! 18 Jesus came and told his disciples, "I have been given complete authority in heaven and on earth. 19 Therefore, go and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. 20 Teach these new disciples to obey all the commands I have given you. And be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age."

To You

You are everything
You made my world
Everything it is
Without you I�d be dead
Lost in life
I don�t know how I ever survived

This is the life
The life you brought to me
I love you
I love every part of you
Life loved by you
Because of you

You gave everything
I give everything back to you
I own nothing
You own it all
I�m chasing after you
To get to know you more

I owe my life to you
I�m in love with you
You are my life
You�re the center of my life
Don�t let me fall
Keep me near

Bad days at work.

So I got up late again
And I take the same old highway into work
I go to the meeting where I�m told what needs to be done
I get stuck doing stuff I think someone else could do
I know that I should cheerfully work, but that's hard to do

When I�m done at that school I go back up the highway
And up the Big Rock road
I enter the high school, and smell the, oh so pleasant, smell of cafeteria food
I take two seconds to hear what wrong for the day
And I book my self to lunch where I try and forget the day

At lunch all they do is complain about the world
They have no hope, no desire, just to try and make it in the world
I pray that they ask me, what makes me tick
So I can tell them of the desire to live for God
I also pray for myself, that I can show the desires of God

After lunch, is when all H, E, double hockey sticks, breaks out
I get dragged in five different directions at once
Computers 5, 7, 9 don't work in room 123
All the new computers don't do this and that right
And my email won't send to who I want, but works fine for the people I don't want to...

At this point I want to literally
Run through the halls of my high school,
I want to scream at the top of my lungs
So I scream it to my friends online
It�s all good, God takes the rest

I finally leave, get to my other job
Where I finally take a breather for the day
All is good, and good is all
Thank you God, for another good day.

Monday, December 09, 2002

Today I did.

Down the curving road, and into the valley I went
Around that bend, and this bend, into town I went
I went through town, the lights twinkling on the town tree
In this town, there's no such thing as a shopping spree

I drive through town, and back into the open valley
The sun glistening off the morning dew
I turn up the CD player, and start praisin' the almighty
Down the highway, I only see a few

I get to work in the next small town
The kid's all look very down
I think to my self, God they need help
Then I smile at the kid next to me
He smiles back

I ask God to use me
He tells me he already has
I tell him thanks, and go back to work

Sunday, December 08, 2002

Okay, so i'm really bored tonight, but i'm having fun! So I take this "What's your theme song" test on and it says that "All Star" by SmashMouth is it... guess what... that's the song i've used in the past for my theme song... I love it! Notice the comment at the top of my comments comes from it... sorta... Anyway here's what they had to say...

All Star

With your elevated spirit and go-with-the-flow attitude, "All Star" is the theme song for you. It's the tune that you're humming when you decide to hop in your car and spend a weekend somewhere you've never been. And it's the song you blare on auto-repeat when you're getting lost (though you might call it "exploring") in that same new spot. You know life is sweetest when you live it to its fullest. The risks you take usually pay off, from starting your own business to relocating to another town. You aren't afraid to hit the brakes and speed off in a new direction. Your friends may scratch their heads and wonder when you're going to settle down. But you are definitely not your friends. And when exciting opportunities present themselves, "you'll never know if you don't go, you'll never shine if you don't glow." You only get one quarter to play this game, and with "All Star" as your inner beat, you're aiming for high score.

I then take the "Who's your inner rock star" test and they say...


Oh yeah, the rock star in you is definitely the ultimate bad boy, Eminem. You are a risk taker and a rebel who never sticks to the straight and narrow. Your irrepressible energy means that nothing can keep you down. You and Eminem rise to any challenge, doing and saying the outrageous and shocking whenever you feel like it, and keeping the fans on their toes with your controversial views. Look at it this way: a man like you knows how to find the perfect medium to channel your frustrations with the world. And lo and behold, we can't get enough of you. Keep your inner Eminem real.

So after that laugh I take it again and get...

Ricky Martin

Que hombre, ay yai yai. The rock star part of you is all Ricky Martin. You've got moves that make the ladies hearts go a-flutter, and style that goes for miles. That suave Latin charm is just too intoxicating, and it means that wherever you go, people read superstar all over you. Behind those bright eyes simmers a sensual lover who knows just what a woman wants. You're smooth, and we mean real smooth, but you don't let it go to your head (well not too often). And anyway, that irrepressible charm makes it all OK. Hey, it's not your fault that you've got more charisma than a tamale's got hot. Just enjoy it. Feed your inner Ricky.

And because i'm impossibly bored.... It's the "What friend are you!" test... :-)


How you doin'? Your inner Joey Tribbiani wants to know. Like the real Joey, people can feel your presence and red-hot, sex appeal the minute you walk in the room. And your good intentions are never far behind (even if you do let a secret or two slip at the wrong moments). The point is, your honesty and sweet-natured charm can get you out of any situation because you always mean well.

Your hidden strength may just be your tenacity. Did Joey give up acting because Dr. Drake Ramoray was killed off the soap opera? Nope. And even after he failed as Al Pacino's butt double he didn't abandon his dreams. So keep that in mind, aim high, and keep being the friend that your friends love having around.

By a friend

This is what I feel

Comfort is so underrated

I'd rather the old comfy love of a friend
than the new fangled lust of a stranger

the hotter you burn, the colder you turn when it's over
one day you could move a mountain with your feelings,
the next you just want to lay down and die.

and you've gained nothing for your pains
not an ounce of support did he lend to you in need
and now he's gone and you are so glad
yet you've lost something of yourself that you needed

Where do you get it back?
who gives you back pieces of yourself?
your friend(s)
plural if your're lucky

Your friend who's been there forever
your friend who knows your worst and your best
A friend who will always care
and be there a smile and hug
a comfy love of security and history

you've been there for them
they'll be there for you.
and your friend can give you back your heart

no matter who you gave some of it to,
you gave more to them
and your friend has parts of you that can be replenished
so you'll both have enough and some to spare

A friend's love is the love that I want in my life
A friend's love is better than any relationship and its false promises
a broken stare traded for an open heart
a dirty touch erased by a cleansing hand

A hurt in your soul can be healed by this love
that doesn't acknowledge barriers or distance
and revels in encouragement

My friend is the one who I will always have

I will always have that comfortable love
that heals and mends and helps me to grow
into the person I was meant to be

far away from all i've been through
into a new future of hope

My friend helps me bring along all that is good
and helps me to toss the bad.

So I will cherish this love
the friendship(s) that make life worth it
and i will always want it more than any other thing

*** Disclaimer: This is only sometimes, some groups, and not even always the same group....***

I'm involved with so many people, but why am I not in any of the stories or pictures? Why am I always the wallflower, the guy that people never mention in the stories or see in the pictures? Why can�t I just be comfortable, why can�t I just come out of my shell? Why do I always want to do something different, but never have the guts? Why can�t I ever flirt with a girl? Why am I never hugged when everyone else is? Why do I feel all weird, or stupid when I give hugs? Why do I always seem like I�m untouchable to people when all want is to be touched, emotionally as well as affectionately? Why when I do finally attempt to break my mold I make a stupid fool of my self and no one laughs, and think I�m just weird? Why when I speak, do I feel retarded? Why can�t I function in groups? Why am I so frustrated around natural leaders? Why can�t I lead? Why has God put people on my heart, but I can�t seem to communicate it? I love people, but can�t make a difference. I don�t understand people who follow, I don�t want to be a follower, I don�t believe I am, but sometimes I feel like a follower and I hate it. Why am I always afraid to interact with a girl who I�m actually attracted to (this is not a common occurrence)? I eventually do, but I never know what to do, I never have the guts to ask her on a date, WHY? Why am I so afraid of rejection? Why am I so conscience of people�s interactions, and my lack thereof? I only want to be real with people; I don�t want to be fake. I want to be, show, live, and radiate Jesus in everything I do, but I don�t, I just sit there as if I�ve been stunned by the people's eyes.

I want to be confident.
I want to be a leader with a plan, with respect.
I don�t want to be lazy anymore.
I don�t want to fall to temptation.
I want to show Christ in EVERYTHING I do.
I want to know God even more, every day I want more of God.

My problem right now?
I don�t have a friend at the same understanding of God, with the same convictions, with the same heart for all people, I need a friend who I can partner with, console with, show Christ with! I have awesome friends, awesome friends who love God, who love people, who have the same convictions, but there is something missing in me� God has filled my spirit with His Holy Spirit, I have accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior� but there is still something missing, I am incomplete� I need a wife. Not now, but eventually yes. I am not even looking right now, God has other plans for now, but I needed to vent, I needed to just let everyone know what I�m struggling with, because otherwise I wouldn�t. Thanks for reading.

.: prayers, prayer requests :.

Father God,

You are rad, awesome, cool, and just a good thing.
Let your name always be radical, always be trouble to people, and always be honored.
May your Kingdom grow, may people learn of your true love, may the people stop being legalistic, stop being petty about you, and start loving you and your people and all people of the Earth!
I give up my will, my plans, my ideas for yours Lord.
Help me to over come temptation, I praise you for the strength you�ve given me this past week.
I thank you that I am loved by my friends, my family and by you.
I ask all of these things in your Son�s name, Jesus Christ.

Love measured by how we treat others� [Mathew 10:40-42]

40 "Anyone who welcomes you is welcoming me, and anyone who welcomes me is welcoming the Father who sent me. 41 If you welcome a prophet as one who speaks for God,* you will receive the same reward a prophet gets. And if you welcome good and godly people because of their godliness, you will be given a reward like theirs. 42 And if you give even a cup of cold water to one of the least of my followers, you will surely be rewarded."

Love your enemies! [Luke 6:27-36]
27 "But if you are willing to listen, I say, love your enemies. Do good to those who hate you. 28 Pray for the happiness of those who curse you. Pray for those who hurt you. 29 If someone slaps you on one cheek, turn the other cheek. If someone demands your coat, offer your shirt also. 30 Give what you have to anyone who asks you for it; and when things are taken away from you, don't try to get them back. 31 Do for others as you would like them to do for you. 32 "Do you think you deserve credit merely for loving those who love you? Even the sinners do that! 33 And if you do good only to those who do good to you, is that so wonderful? Even sinners do that much! 34 And if you lend money only to those who can repay you, what good is that? Even sinners will lend to their own kind for a full return. 35 "Love your enemies! Do good to them! Lend to them! And don't be concerned that they might not repay. Then your reward from heaven will be very great, and you will truly be acting as children of the Most High, for he is kind to the unthankful and to those who are wicked. 36 You must be compassionate, just as your Father is compassionate.

Saturday, December 07, 2002

find me here
speak to me
i want to feel you
i need to hear you
you are the light
that is leading me
to the place where
i find peace again
you are the strength
that keeps me walking
you are the hope
that keeps me trusting
you are the life to my soul
you are my purpose
you are everything
and how can i
stand here with you
and not be moved by you
would you tell me
how could it be
any better than this
you calm the storms
you give me rest
you hold me in your hands
you won't let me fall
you still my heart
and you take my breath away
would you take me in
would you take me deeper now
'cause you're all i want
you are all i need
you are everything


This song sums up everything which I feel for God.

Hmmm.... I guess Beer is God?

What Flavour Are You? I tashte like Alcohol.I tashte like Alcohol.

Heh. Heh. I taste like beer. I like beer. Buy me a beer. I'm not drunk, I can drink plenty without... What was I saying? Beer. What Flavour Are You?

Thursday, December 05, 2002

I was meant to worship God. So there I was tonight, after a long exhausting day of work, visiting my parents, picking up fish, and driving from Duvall to Mill Creek with a stop over in Woodinville to drop the poor fish off and their home, which I haven�t had a chance to setup so they are just swimming around in a vase. Sometimes I feel like I�m just swimming around in a vase too, but that�s another story. I love Thursday evenings, young adults group. I love this group, it is so different from the other groups I�m a part of, it�s unique, and it�s challenging. The people are genuine, and the worship� great. I love worshiping, but I love being in a place of worship in which the leaders lead you into worship with God. This kind of worship is my favorite; it enables me to be free in my worship, and to allow God to talk to me.

Now, I�m an emotional person; some would say I don�t hide it very well, I would have to agree with them, I just can�t. I know most males, boys, men, don�t show their emotions that well, or even at all, but I think they have the same emotions as me. Some just do not know how to show it because they felt the pressure all their lives to suppress it, or something has happened or been done to them which has killed their emotional link. I had that happen for a while, I let everything stir up inside of me and then when someone did wrong to me I would just blow up, not good, not Christ like. I have learned through Worship, that God has made a peace for us, and we can tap into it, it�s awesome! That peace, is the Holy Spirit! It allows me to be emotional, not worry about it, and to do what is right and wrong and his spirit leads me in his will.

I actually came to know Christ while worshipping, although at the time I didn�t know what worshipping was all about, I realize that just the music alone (which worship is more than just the music) is enough to make a person think� I remember the words �and step by step you�ll lead me, all of the days of my life� those are the words that shuddered down my body like a flag in a wind storm. I wanted to know what it was like to follow God, so I chose to. Ever since that day I have come closer and closer to God not only through musical worship but by meeting people who worship God in everything they do, that is how I want to live my life, I want to worship God in everything I say and do, and I want it to be from my heart! I love God and he loves me, he loves US and he loves YOU. All of this is because God has reconditioned my heart, using something I already had a passion for, music, he turned my life around, and now I worship him with what I love. I may not play guitar, or have a good voice, but music of all kinds vibrates through my body, because music is an emotional thing. I love to worship, I love to sing to God, I love to praise God, and I love to express my worship for God.

So I love worshipping, I hope to keep it on him. I guess my thoughts are, love God will all your heart and soul, worship him all the time as if he's given you a new life, because HE HAS!

.: prayer, prayer requests :.

Lord I praise you, you are awesome, mighty, and simply the best friend we have.

I ask you to continue taking away the temptations in my life; I praise you for giving me the strength to beat those temptations I�ve been struggling with! It�s been almost 5 days now Lord, you�re awesome!

I pray for CRU, and I ask that everyone always feel welcomed, although I don�t personally talk to everyone I ask for you to use me, and use us on campus Lord.

I pray for all of my friends, Lord I ask you to just bless them and I ask that they continue to seek your heart. I ask that you bring three certain people closer to you lord, these people are searching for you Lord, I ask that you continue to just bless my life with these people, and I ask that they come to know your son Jesus, and come to know your hope, peace, love, joy happiness, patience, and agape love, the love that only God can give, 100% unconditional love.

Thanks for the changes in my life, and I continue to ask for repentance.

I ask all of these things and the unknown prayers of my friends, co-workers, family and peers to all be answered. Thank you Lord.

Worshiping in spirit and in truth [John 4:19-24]

�Sir,� the women said, �you must be a prophet. So tell me, why is it that you Jews insist that Jerusalem is the only place of worship, while we Samaritans claim it is here at mount Gerizim, where our ancestors worshiped?�

Jesus replied, �Believe me, the time is coming when it will no longer matter whether you worship the Father here or in Jerusalem. You Samaritans know so little about the one you worship, while we Jews know all about him, for salvations comes through the Jews. But the time is coming and is already here when true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and in truth. The Father is looking for anyone who will worship him that way. For God is Spirit, so those who worship him must worship in spirit and in truth.�

Wednesday, December 04, 2002

Do you ever get the idea that your just not as exciting as you want to be, or as entertaining as you should or want to be? I know I do. All the time, I�m thinking sheesh, if I could have just said this, or done this that way, then people would have felt good or laughed. I guess this stems from the whole idea that I want people to notice me, but I don�t really want them to all at the same time, for if people notice me then I feel this fake pressure that I need to act that way around them all the time. I�m constantly feeling like I�m boring around people� probably because I�m boring to my self.

So what do I do about this? A lot of the time I can snap out of it by listening in on the conversation, and then as soon as I have something to say I break in. But this is a problem, you see, my brain works faster then I can speak, and a lot of time what I say is not what I mean it to sound like. Many of the times I end up cutting someone off, and I HATE that, but I just don�t think about it because I feel like I�m going to forget the thought in my head, which a lot of the time I do, and then there I go again, looking either bored, or unexcited.

God has placed so much on my heart! But it all seems to be with interacting with people, and right now I don�t think I do a great job of that. I feel like a fool when I speak in front of groups, and I am really nervous around new people who I should be comfortable around, at least who I think are expecting me to know something. I know that going to Poland will help me in these areas, and I believe that God is going to train me, and make me stronger; it�s just not my time yet. As one of my close friends has told me time and time again, I just need to be more confident. I need self confidence. How do I get this confidence though? I�ve just got to know my stuff, whatever that is. Thankfully I�ve got the Holy Spirit to help me, with out it (and I know what it�s like w/o it) I�m a bumbling fool who can�t talk straight!

I need to slow down; I need to just take my time when I�m formulating my thoughts. I think I explain my self better in writing because I have to slow down and think. Would someone let me know if this does help?

.: prayers, prayer requests :.

Oh Father God,

You are awesome, incredible, never changing, the best thing to happen to me.

I come to you, broken, tonight I have new respect for you.
I ask for confidence. I ask for healing for my friends Mom. And I ask for more of you in my life.

I thank you for your grace, mercy and love. Thank you for answering all of our prayers. Thank you for being our God, our Father.

Lack of confidence makes us struggle [Jeremiah 1:6-8]

�O Sovereign Lord,� I said, �I can�t speak for you! I�m too young!�
�Don�t say that,� the Lord replied, �for you must go wherever I send you and say whatever I tell you. And don�t be afraid of the people, for I will be with you and take care of you. I, the Lord, have spoken!�

And another thought. So I�ve had this idea of a great day on the town, and until tonight I never really thought of it as being a date, but two really cool friends suggested it as one, so now it just might be one. :-) Of course it could be a really fun group activity too, but kinda expensive� maybe someday� we could all take our wives/husbands!

Here it is�. Imagine going down to the Seattle center, we arrive around noon on a beautiful winter day (hopefully with snow!). We have fun on the rides, go beat each other up with bumper cars, take a few rides on the roller coaster, look at all the art. Then right before the sun sets we go up to observation deck of the Space Needle. Watch the sun set, and have dinner in the restaurant (I�ve never eaten there, and I�ve read the new management is cheaper and has pretty good food). Then, we�ll take a ride on the monorail to Westlake center, go shopping in the mall for a little while. Walk outside, brrrr it�s cold out here, stop into the coffee shop get somthin� to drink, then go across the street and take a ride on the carousel. Then take one of those horse and buggy tour rides down to the water front, with all the lights around town lit up, and the Christmas carolers! Then we return to the Westlake area, and go shopping and window shopping in all of the big stores! And spend the rest of the night (at until the Monorail leaves, or maybe just we�ll walk back� that�s fun too) just loving Seattle, because we do! Thank God.

So how does that sound??? God, I think I want a wife who would enjoy this kind of stuff� :-)

Tuesday, December 03, 2002

Don't worry about tomorrow, for today brings enough worries of it's own....

Here I am, I�ve told my boss about my plans for Poland. Wow, God is good, he took it well. I was worrying about it so badly, and everything came out just fine.

So here I am, at work, bored, when I shouldn't be... but the first half of the day I felt like I couldn't breathe, so now I�m just burnt out. I have been thinking a lot lately about the future, and the past. The future holds many questions, and if you keep trying to answer them you'll turn your self in to a neurotic maniac!

What the future holds.

In one day,
another day of work,
three meals
and time with friends.

In one week,
more work,
many more meals,
and time with friends,
hopefully good times.

In one month,
Christmas will be done,
The new year will have come,
Hopefully I�ll have had some fun,
and CRU will be back from the winter conference!

In one year,
I�ll have been in Poland for about three months,
I�ll have had thanksgiving with new friends,
but w/o family
I�m sure I�ll be having some home sickness,
and I�ll be writing home to friends and family asking for prayer!
but I�m sure that I�ll finally have the feeling that I�m in a place God wants me!

Monday, December 02, 2002

So here I am. I have some questions....

Why is it so hard for some people to just be happy?
Why do people get so upset at things of which they have no understanding?
Why oh why do we try to understand everything?

What is the problem with just listening to your gut feelings of right or wrong?
What is going on in this world, why must we always bend over backwords just to make people happy?

Loving someone doesn't mean your going to make them happy!

I don't know... just questions.

So, there I was reading everyone's blogs!

(the words "holy oranges!" to the tune of silent night, the words It's getting... to the tune of "it's starting to look a lot like christmas".)
Holy oranges! It's gettin' to look a lot like blogmas, all around my life.

Yeah I have like eight blogs I catch up to on a daily basis. It's a great way to learn more about people, see the side you don't always see. If you wanna see all my friend's blogs, look the right, see the departures section, yeah that... click on those links, them all me friends.

So, yay, i've had my first customer, just now, as I was writing this... weee.... didn't buy anything, but he got the information, to take home to his boy... :-)

so now i start the serious part of this blog.

You know what really drives me nuts, when I fail to live up to my own goals! I am always making goals, goals, which seem fairly simple to achieve. In my case they are all goals to stop something, which is self-destructive. I think my problem is that I try to achieve all of these goals all at once, and I tend to start with the hardest one. That�s not good, how am I suppose to ever get them achieved?

As you may have guessed I have fallen once again, and now I�m beginning to feel like I�m not as close to God as I thought I was. I mean I still feel his heart beat, and his tug on my heart all the time, but why do I keep falling? Why do I keep on blowing it right in front of his face?

But I tell you this my brothers and sisters, it is getting better, what use to be every day, a lot of the time multiple times a day, is becoming less and less, and I actually go sometimes a week or two with out falling� so it�s happening, just not as fast as I imagined.

If it were not for my friends I have no idea where I would be today. In fact I would have probably gone off to the city, and left everyone behind, thank you to my friend from preschool you changed my life! If it were not for you I would have fallen into the world, so far that I would have never returned. Well I guess that isn�t giving God much credit� God is truly good, he used you to change my life, never stop serving the lord, you never know who you may affect. I am a life that was changed.

.: prayers, prayer requests :.

God on high!

I ask for the courage, and wisdom when I finally (once again I failed a Goal, but I had distractions I tell you, I did�) tell my boss that I want a leave of absence to go to Poland for next year. I know this is your plan, so I shouldn�t worry, so if anything calm my nerves.

I ask for a few close friends, which I don�t talk to much, to continue to seek your heart, and to know you closer. Thanks.

Thank you for the technology that I can have a great, awesome, wanna get to know you better, and all around great guy of a friend call me all the way from the freakin� south pole (freakin = freaking, as in wild)!!! I love you! (God and my friend).

Thanks for the change, albeit slow in my eyes, it�s happening, and I need to hold on, and stop diving at the temptation. Thanks for letting my share, somewhere, thanks. In Jesus� name AMEN!

PS. So there I was thinkin' I was postingon and I wasn't... it was my own... so now i'll copy and paste... boy get some sleep Travis!

Car! You have to catch up on your blog then! :-)

Anywho... I luve ya'll and I love the description deal thingy put in the template... the "quote" by sarah... fun fun... so I betta get to bed... got to getup in like uhhhh... oh boy 4 hours... yuck yuck... oh my oh my but i'm not tired.. that's a problem. So hmmm this is really annoying... I don't know what to do. Fiona and Jon have left the building, but my roomate Eric is still here.... so that's cool... yeah your probably thinking, yeah why wouldn't his roomate be there... well he doesn't live here... yet... so anyway that's why... What else can I ramble on... let's see. Oh yeah go to my Blog, find the "depatures" section... (just fyi, it's on the right, no left, no right, yeah your right). See everyone I brought to this blog world... yeah... crazy huh? Well... I think i'm almost done with this... well maybe not. This is getting fun... So, carly, what's up? Ryan? Jon? Sarah... anyone else out there??? Lauren! Yeah You! umm... well I think my job here is done. w/ much love. -Travis @ oh dark early, and he's gunna be late for work. :-) I've got a stupid server that keeps getting it's hard drive eatin alive by something... very strange gigabytes of data being eatin up... hmmm... OH YEAH!! PRAY FOR ME! I'm telling the Administration (and my Boss) about my escape (well ya know... ) to Poland... so... I NEED MEGA prayer... I'm REALLY nervous. So ... w/ much love, for real this time. -Travis @ oh darker early.

Sunday, December 01, 2002

Women are unique. I believe they are the glue of our society, personally with out women in my life; it would be boring, not because I lust after them, or have another other desire, then to just be their friend. I love talking to females; they give a point of view that is so much more than simple logic. Now, don�t get me wrong I very much enjoy talking to other brothers; they let me know that I�m not alone when I�m having women issues, or just have questions. God made women, he said man (as in human kind) should not be alone, so he married Adam to Eve, the first and only perfect couple.

Eyes, they tell so much, I love looking into a girls eyes, and talking to them with their eyes, I think they say so much. I love girls who laugh, and can laugh with joy! I also love girls who are completely in love with Jesus, and have no fear of sharing their faith! Women of God are women who know how to communicate. Now, we all have our insecurities, our little quirks, but I adore those little things, that is what makes us unique, and I just yearn to know those things. I thank God for women! I thank God for making relationships like this! I love God (in the highest way possible, the English language is so blah). Can you tell how excited I am?! So back to the topic at hand� I am truly thankful for girls (I say girls, and I don�t know why� I guess it sounds more innocent).

Girls provide a balance which only they can provide, I think men need that compassionate side shown and provided to them. Men could learn a lot if they just watched, and took notes on the way women communicate; I have a few guy friends that know this, and they have awesome relationships with their girl friends/fianc�s. I like girls who are almost mysterious� but not so much so that they do not share, and then get them selves depressed, upset and/or angry. I like girls who know where they are, where they stand, what they believe and can explain it, although I can�t always explain my self until I write it down, or blog it down.

Life is just awesome, and in many ways it is a box of chocolates, you never know what your gunna get, and I like it that way! You know what? Chick flicks rock, flowers are awesome, God is love, pictures are rad, decorating is fun, and I like matching my clothes and wearing shoes which match too! I love having a fire, and listening to Christmas music and having only the Christmas lights on, and sipping hot cocoa. I also like my Car, hiking, mountain biking, riding horses, running, anything out doors (although I don�t get to do it much), watching �geek� shows (Tech TV, Discovery, etc), political science� And more than anything else I LOVE, adore, and am very passionate in worshiping GOD almighty!

.: prayers, prayer requests :.

Lord Almighty,

I ask for the courage and strength to tell my boss about my missions trip to Poland, I ask that he feel/see your wisdom through me, I ask that you hold me accountable for my actions, and I ask for your strength most of all!

I continue to change, I continue repent, my life is a box of chocolates, but I am so thankful for that.

I thank you for providing me with my awesome friends, my awesome family (and I ask that you bring them closer to you, in everyway possible), my awesome Job, the awesome opportunity to share your word, not only with the people of Poland, but with fellow peers at Cascadia, and with my family and with the people I work with! I am over joyed by all of this! AMEN!

Spirit-Guided Relationships: Wives and Husbands [Ephesians 5:21-33]

And further, you will submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. You wives will submit to your husbands as you do to the Lord. For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of his body, the church; he gave his life to be her Savior. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives must submit to your husbands in everything.

And you husbands must love your wives with the same love Christ showed the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by baptism and God�s word. He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man is actually loving himself when he loves his wife. No one hates his own body but lovingly cares for it, just as Christ cares for his body, which is the church. And we are his body.

As the Scriptures say, �A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.� This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one. So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

I want to understand people. And I want them to understand me. But I always find my self watering down the ideas and words which pop into my head; or I never find the words I want at the right time. This is so frustrating for me, I guess it all comes down to, I want to make an impression on people, I don�t want to impress people, I just want them to be inspired, or moved, or have something change in their lives because of what I said, or did, not because it�s me, but because I want people to have hope, love, and happiness. But I never seem to have that affect on people; at least I never see or hear that. I know that what I say will stick around, and is like a seed. For my own selfish reasons I would like to know that I have actually made a positive change in someone�s life. I want to be influential, I want to make a difference, and I want to change the world. This may sound scary, but I want to do all these things because Christ made a difference in my life, and he used people to do that, and I want him to now use me, I know he has, but I want to be used even more.

I think for Christ to use me though, I need to get out of the traps that I�m stuck in, and I�ve been stuck in them even before I knew Jesus. Therefore, I truly believe I am going to Poland because of this; to be some place where I will need to rely on God %100, and to seek him in everything I do. While I�m there I will be showing people there the love, hope and happiness that Jesus, God and the Holy Spirit have brought to me. I will share with them everything that has happened in my life. God has put people on my heart. This much I know.

I am not bothered by many things. But there are these few things that continues to bother me, over the past few weeks, and months�

1. Christians (and I truly believe they are Christians, I�m not judging their salvation) who claim to know the hope and life of Christ, but deny him by their actions and words.

2. Religion! I am sick and tired of being put into the pool of �religion�, people say that we, as Christians condemn people with out knowing them, and we don�t accept anything or anyone who does not fit the perfect image. FALSE, at least it should be! There are many �Christians� who do condemn others, like gays, blacks, other religions. Christ told us to love the world, hate the sin. On a side note, now in this world of �acceptance�, should we as Christians be accepted, shouldn�t the world learn what we are truly about? Shouldn�t Christians leave their boxes and learn and accept the world, and love it? Just because Christians know homosexuality is a sin (one of which I�ve dealt with in my own personal life, we were made only in one way to reproduce, you don�t see this in other animals, and if we do I would like to see the studies on this), doesn�t mean that WE (Christians) should sentence the person to death! Love the person as Christ loves US!

3. Christians love God! We love people! We love life! Why don�t Christians show this to people who don�t know God? Because we are human, we have faults, it is built into us, but we are also made to seek and to know that HE IS GOD. I find it interesting that people all around the world, wonder all the time are we alone here on this planet? Or when someone is angry, upset, gets hurt that they �pray� in whatever fashion it is, they prayer to a �higher power�, we were created to find him. He gave us that path, through Jesus Christ. We as humans have both sides, we have all fallen short of the awesome power of God, and we all seek to know him. At some time in your adult life you had a chance to deny or accept that God was real, but I believe that even until the day you die you continue to seek him, either by constantly denying he is there, or by always growing with him. I have a challenge to all Christians out there� Even when you don�t feel good, when your tired, when your angry, stop; look at your self, ask your self what Jesus would have done in this situation, ask the Holy Spirit to intervene, then continue. You�ll find yourself in a more pleasant atmosphere, and you won�t be offended as easily. I am tired of the hypocrisy in the Christian world; you either strive to be like Christ or not, you either strive to of the world or not; it�s your choice. But I�ll tell you what, I�m a lot happier striving to be like Christ, even when I don�t feel like it, even if my heart really isn�t in the right place, as long as I make the conscience effort to be like him, then my heart is turned around.

.: prayers, prayer requests :.

Jesus you are so full of love, hope and happiness. With out you, I would be completely lost, maybe temporarily happy, but permanently lost in the world.

I ask you to fill me up, take away the traps I�ve been in. I praise you for the time I have had today, and the time I have had with out falling into sin, I ask you to keep me strong.

I am changing, slowly I am, thanks.

Thank you for all of my friends, and everyone you put in my life! They are all AWESOME! Every single one of them help me come closer to you, and I just realized that you put me in people�s lives to do the same, and I thank you for that too!

I commit my life to you lord.

In the awesome and powerful name and life of Jesus Christ,


Jesus Clears the Temple [Mathew 21:12-13]

Jesus entered the Temple and began to drive out the merchants and their customers. He knocked over the tables of the money changers and the stalls of those selling doves. He said, �The Scriptures declare, �My temple will be called a place of prayer,� but you have turned in into a den of thieves!�

-= foot notes =-

Even Jesus got angry. It is okay to get righteously angry, in this example Jesus was mad at the merchants because they had turned the temple into a place of commercialism instead of a place of Worship. They were doing these things in the name of �God�, but their hearts were to only get rich and not to honor God. Just like you and I, we must check our Hearts; are we honoring God, or our selves and others?