food for fish

I can only imagine it.
Walking up the hill.
Talking as friends do.

And then a great radiance began.
At first the warmth.
Then being in awe.

It becomes glorious.
To be one of the three.
To stand in the awesome splendor.

To see the radiance of our Lord Almighty.
In my heart it is there, the glory, the light.
In my spirit I am one of the three.

James 3:1-2
Dear brothers and sisters, not many of you should become teachers in the church, for we who teach will be judged more strictly. Indeed, we all make many mistakes. For if we could control our tongues, we would be perfect and could also control ourselves in every other way.

How many of us have been wounded by a pastor? How many of us have witnessed a pastor fail? There is a lot to say about the calling of pastorship. Yet because of our human tendency for shaming and measuring people by their behavior (which is simply being religious instead of relational) rather than their character we become easily jaded and cynical towards leaders in the church. It is true that pastors/teachers in the Church "should" live above reproach, yet, no where do we see that there are two levels of Christians, the ministers verses the followers... we are all on the same playing field and we need to be aware of people's internal character, firstly with our own.

Then the world will know us for our love, loving a person in spite of their behavior is what our Christ did for us.

In the past few weeks I've had a number of people ask me about hearing from God. Or, more specifically, hearing God's voice.

Since it is nearly 1am, I'm not going to elborate to much on this, but I do have a few thoughts.

First I think many of us try far to hard. I actually think a lot of us have probably heard His voice clear and strong, but we either thought it was our own, or too afraid to obey it in faith.

For me, his voice is always the gut feeling, not the fleshly desire, but the inner thoughts that guide me in decisions, letting me know if something is right or wrong. I've learned to tune into this voice more and more over the years, and without doubt, I know it is His voice.

It has taken nearly a decade to come to this point, and I still fail miserably in actully giving time to listen to His voice. But growing up I always had an inner sense of right and wrong, and I believe it was the Holy Spirit, but since I didn't have the relationship with Jesus as I do now I simply thought it was my "conscience".

God has been giving me a lot of insight into his love of all people. But not the kind of love that the world says, you know what I mean, the one that says we shouldn't disagree with things like pre-marital co-habitation, pre-marital sex, homosexuality... of course those the some of the "big ones".. but along the same line, and as God has shown me recently, his heart grieves the same for those that avoid conflict with people, the people pleasers, manipulators, deceivers, etc.

You see, I have a growing anger inside of me, one that I believe is righteous. Everwhere I look I see broken people, inside and outside the Church. I see people who have been pushed over, "in the name of love", I see people who "in the name of love" argue to the end on politics, I see my friends making choices to please people that just gets lorded over by another person. This anger in me about these things is so hard to walk out though. I want to tell people the truth, but many of them just are not ready for the truth, they see it as shame, hate, or just religion.

If God's people were to truly focus on Jesus, if they were to struggle listening for him, rather than their world desires, I believe we would see a lot more happening. We must focus our dicipleship efforts on brining people into a healthy understanding of faith, humility, and submission in Jesus.

True love of others and of God is loving the hell out of people. Not shaming people, but giving them grace to be human, to be selfish, to be well, full of sin. We simply can not expect people who haven't given their life and heart to Jesus to understand our values, principles, and morals. We can't logically argue with a person who doesn't understand living by faith. We can try, but many times (not all) it's in vain. Someone who is avidly pro-choice abortion, or pro same-sex marriages, isn't going to understand the reason having faith nulls those issues.

Faith gives us a much bigger understanding beyond ourselves, it gives us the courage to carry a child even when circumstances are terrible. It gives us the courage to see that our sexuality is more than physical. Faith gives us the understanding that God will take it into his hands when we give it to him. My faith in Him has relieved me of my homosexual desires. Having faith gives us the courage to tithe first and give our offerings even when when our bank account is empty or negative and we still have hundreds of dollars of bills.

So, we must first love people, live in faith, and remind ourselves that Hell is real. When we love people, in and out of the Church, we bring them out of Hell and into the Kingdom of God. That is why Jesus is the savior. He desires for us to be in relationship with him, not stuck in Hell, 100% alone, but with the knowledge that Jesus simply wanted our hearts so he could bless us in our free will to choose him. Those that do end up in Hell, they won't be partying, they won't be hanging out with like minded people, they'll be utterly alone, unable to be in relationship for eternity, yet knowing, and I believe seeing the rest in relationship and living in the glory of God.

So, love the hell out of people. Bless them. Speak the truth. Live in faith. Live the truth of God's love.

This Thursday I'm speaking at our young adults group, I'm calling it "An obligation to love".

We really don't have a choice to love. Our God doesn't have the choice, He gave us free will so that we would love genuinely. As a disciple in the teachings, divinity, and person of Jesus, I do not have a choice to do anything but love people. For who they are... human. Everyone sins, we all make mistakes, our flesh is weak. And still I must love, I must accept people's faults. None of this is a free license to be walked on, beat up, and spat on. No, that would mean I wasn't loving myself.

To love God, is to give him praise, allow him to speak into my life, and obey Him in his commandments (to love Him and people). To love people is to treat with respect, listen, have sympathy for, speak encouragement, and most of all speak a life of truth. If I notice another brother with red flags in his life (IE, spending habits, the way he talks with girls, etc) than to truly love him I must confront him out of the relationship that I have. Confront someone is not shaming them, it's not condemning them, it's speaking truth where it counts (as Jesus did w/ the woman at the well). If a friend is always seeking to be with people, and is feeling lonely when not with friends, than I may probe into the priority prayer in their life.

For our culture, these ideas usually prompt the response of "it's none of your business" or "that's personal". Yes, I know, and because I love you I want to see you grow in that area. The key to all of this is relationship though, and speaking gracefully, the more grace, and the more relationship we have, the more our love for Him and others can be shown.

We must stop being afraid to love in truth. This is what I believe worshipping in truth and spirit is.

Worship for me is not just about music, not just about emotions, and not just about verbal praise. It's all of those things but much more. Worship for me is putting myself in the throne room of God, being right in the heavenly realms. It's serving him as if I'm in heaven. It's praising him as if I am in heaven. It's loving him and others, as if I am in heaven.

I can only imagine what heaven will be like, and it is what I imagine that brings me to raise my hands, sing at the top of my lungs, and allow the emotions to fill my heart. It's what I imagine that pulls me to serve him in truth and spirit. Lastly, it's what I imagine of heaven that bids me to be as humanly close to Jesus as I can be with people, myself, and him. That is my worship.

Sometimes I struggle with the general cynical and jaded attitude of my peers. I'm really grieved by other Jesus followers who look at life as if the glass if half empty. But it goes deeper than that, many times my generation hangs onto the seams of life with just the logical, western mind-set that we have to climb the proverbial ladder of success before we even be in authority over anything. Not that we desire authority, but for most authority for some reason is how they view their confidence and relation to the rest of the world.

The truth is, we have been given all authority, to do even greater things than Jesus did. Yet we let the world system tell us we don't, we need this paper, and that paper, and X years of experience. Bump that, bump it all, we need to realize what we are called to, seek wisdom from those that have gone there before, learn from them and experience it for ourselves!

If you know that you are called (and all followers are called) then step into it. Of course you'll make mistakes, that's why we have mentors (Timothy and Paul), that's why we week wisdom, and that's why we submit ourselves to grace-filled truth tellers (or as I said the other day, butt holes for Jesus) - people who we have given permission to point out the boogers in our lives and the blind spots so we can have more confidence and authority to speak Jesus' gospel.

I was called to be a pastor over four years ago, this created a fear in me because I had never thought about it before and I've always been afraid of rejection. But now, even though I'm not "ordained" or "licensed", I am doing pastoral kinds of things, such as mentoring, being relational with others, and allowing God's voice to be heard and his flock cared for.

PS check out this new blog I found, fits the topic of this post quite well, none the less, I love what he has to say - it's grace filled truth at its finest!

HA! I have no idea. Everyday is a new day, and each day brings its ups and downs. But, I choose to remain dependent on God and inter-dependent on my brothers and sisters in Christ. I choose to allow my bride to love me, nurture me, and be my helper, and I choose to be vulnerable with her through my ups and downs, and her ups and downs.

For when I fail any of the above, the downs are never padded and feel like I've fallen hard onto concrete and ups take me way out into an orbit beyond Pluto. Neither of which is very healthy.

So I'll stand and remain balanced holding onto what God has shown me, told me, and provided. I'm here to serve, love, and be loved.

and oh yeah, keep it sweetly simple (new version of KISS).

The moment I gave my life to the Lord was right in the middle of a worship song, and the words were "And step by step you'll lead me, and I will learn to walk in your ways" a song that had been written (at that time) ten years earlier.

I am so thankful that I am still taking each step, learning to walk in His ways. Although I have a bit of a job crisis, and the financial future is unsure, each day brings a blessing of provision, not just in our personal lives but also in our calling. The trip to Poland is almost fundraised, about another $1,000 and we'll be on budget. Praise Jesus.

The words of Jesus say it all "Do not worry about tomorrow, for today brings enough worries of its own".

Amen.

There's this man I know who has very strong convictions, not just "religious" ones, but ones that help people be better people. He normally thinks the best of people and most of the time he sees hope in their lives. As he encounters people he strives to bring them into deeper relationships, most of the time it's relationships with people that go awry. Sometimes though people have either a philosophical problem, or a knowledge problem when it comes to them and God. It's these questions that this man has a tough time with, and lately, it seems to be more difficult to address these.

You see, this man is no ordinary man, he's a disciple, he knows the Lord Jesus, and he loves the Lord with his whole self. Yet, there is a deep dark corner of his life that breaks through all to often. He's been incredibly open, spilling his entire life story to everyone he ever meets. He's been honest with those he is closest with. Everyone who knows him usually describes him as a "man of faith" or "a Godly man" - yet he's not so sure. He's accepted God's grace to fill these dark corners. One at a time the light has pierced the darkness and the good news has inhabited those places. But then the bugs come in, the house cleaners leave, and darkness begins to creep back in.

The man screams, he fights, he doesn't understand why it seems impossible to keep these places in his life filled with God's light. The voice of the world, the enemy, says life isn't worth living if you can't live up to Jesus' standard. But the spirit makes it clear that live is still, and always, worth living.

This emotional roller coaster he feels is beginning to take its toll, anger, frustration is met with passionate repentance. Repentance is met with overwhelming temptation, temptation is met with the power of God. There is victory in his life, then there is defeat. Victory... defeat... victory... defeat. When does it end?

He screams to his Lord: Father! Father! Why do I feel forsaken? Where does my tempter go? Where is your strength? I "know" you, I live for you. I declare victory in your name, I speak in your authority NO MORE DEFEAT. I want your connection, I want your spirit to fill mine. Praise your name that you would use me, I am but a man, a broken vessel, simply willing to be used by you! Help me oh God, help me to know and understand within my soul the strength which is in my weakness. Change me oh God.

And with that the man sought after the glow, the dim subtle glow deep within his heart. The tiny burning flame that pierced the dark place. He fanned it, and added fuel to it. He sat by it, he listened, he wept, he felt the flames warmth. As if on a bitter cold winter night, in solitude with just his creator, the man stared into the flame and pondered these things.

This man, he is no normal man, this man is a child of God. Any child of God is not normal, he is uniquely crafted for a mission bigger them himself, and far "under qualified" in the the Accuser's and world's standards.

If there is one thing I have learned over the past few years it is that I can't stop running. The instant I stop, is the very instant a funk begins to form around me. Of course as a part of this running there is rest involved as well. But I'm talking about the spiritual race, the one with the ultimate prize. As Paul writes about, it is the one where I must have faith and endurance. I must persevere and never let go of what I know God has promised.

There are all kinds of things that could lead me off track, so many ideas, and so many people with their own ideas. But what God has told me directly is the only thing that will produce fruit.

Am I open to hearing advice from others, of course, am I open to looking at different paths that end in the same plance, of course. But what I am not willing is to not walk out the path God has given me. I am not willing to finish someone's elses work, I am willing to encourage others, and I am willing to support others. God has a plan, that is good, gives hope, and he will bring it to full fruit.

Love God, Love People, and work it out in full truth and grace.

In recent months, I have had both external and internal confirmations urging me to take a hold of my proper authority, both authority as in status and authority in wisdom and knowledge. I believe now that the stagnation that I have felt over the past few months has been mostly due to me failing to step into this authority. Half of me does not know how and the other half is scared of this. I know in my head what it looks like, but my heart is weary and unsure. Moving the knowledge from my head into my heart and then actually asserting this authority is a scary thing. The Lord is urging me to do this quickly, deep down I know in some strange way it is only I that has this authority.

To step into this new territory is going to require a lot of administration, emails, scheduling, and much prayer. Some of it I am walking into completely blind, feeling as if I have no tools (weapons in some cases) to be victorious, yet I know that He never lets go. A mentor of mine gave me Isaiah 30:15 a couple of weeks ago, I have taken until just a few minutes ago to read it. This is what it says (click the verse reference for the content):

This is what the Sovereign LORD,
the Holy One of Israel, says
"In repentance and rest is your salvation,
in quietness and trust is your strength,
but you would have none of it.

In the full content of the chapter, I realize that God’s grace is fully sufficient to cover the unknown into this new authority, and to cover whatever areas I “feel” unequipped to do. I must step forward, and say “here I am, use me.” My natural instinct is to wait until I am approached by someone to step into ministry, however I believe the time has come for me to step up to the plate on my own.

Lord, here I am, use me, I accept this new responsibility and authority. I receive your grace, and praise you. May I walk in your strength, authority, wisdom, and power in the areas where I know you have called me. Grant me boldness to speak, with wisdom and grace, and proclaim to my fellow soldiers that you have called me and I am not waiting for human confirmation any longer. In Your son Jesus’ name, AMEN.

Poland is a wonderful place. Thanks to everyone who has sent encouraging words, yes it's a little tough, but then I am reminded that God's creation is beautiful even the parts that irritate me, I am simply human. I am reminded that we are here for a reason, a reason that surpasses my understanding and the feelings around me. We are here for his work, his amazing, glorious work. We have friends here, true friends, and we have brothers and sisters in Him, the two are not necessarily the same, most of the time yes, some of the time not. It's the some of the time that get's me irritated. Alexis and I should go and take a walk, enjoy the God's creation, and simply be, instead of trying to do, that seems to be God's desire for the moment.

Thanks again,

Hey everyone,

We're here in Poland now, been here since Wednesday. The youth camp in France went very well, I plan on posting some videos and pictures soon. The theme of the camp was "Coming together, going deeper", each night (except one) a French pastor spoke to the campers. Before we left I felt the Lord tell me to have no expections, and simply observe, this is precisly what I did. It was good, although at times I wanted to minister and wanted to feel God's touch, just to recieve, yet none of that happened. Instead the Lord had me obeserve, and intercede for others. God is creating in me a sense of peace through all of this, I'm learning to process things, and listen to his instructions, instead of jumping on knowledge and instinct.

There is an Episcopal priest in Seattle claiming to be both Muslim and Christian... As I am a far cry from Episcopalian I have a hard time saying that she is a true believer in who Jesus is and what he did and does for us.

While I do believe that the extreme basics of Muslim and Christianity (in terms of the way of life and surrendering to God) are similar, the main issue (which many water down because the reality is too difficult to stomach) is the heaven and hell question. Hell is not what Hollywood pro trays, and it isn't what we traditionally have made it, it is complete separation from everything, for eternity. That is the issue, and that is why Jesus made it simple, accept him and his sacrifice for us and our fallen nature, or deny him and live in a fallen state alone forever.

In the article she talks about how she was moved by the Muslim leader's prayer, and kneeling to the floor and surrendering his entire prayer and body. This is not unheard of in Christianity, maybe in Episcopalian circles, but certainly not in the book of Acts and the first believers. At the church my wife and I attend this is completely accepted, and it is encouraged, while many don't feel this need since our musical worship time allows us to express in many ways, within order, to surrender our entire lives to God as a daily walk. I could go on, but for me this is my life with God, it is complete surrender, and being reminded to do that... not as a works related issue, but as a lifestyle, and the blessings and relationship with God has been nothing short of stunningly amazing.

Actually I do know what to say, and I've said it.

All I have is my own experience to speak about, but grieves me to see so many people, Christians and not, who don't understand submission, meekness, and humility. Even the Lord, with all of his power, submitted, was meek and is meek (he even allows us to do our will despite his power), and was/is humble (even though he has all the reason to tell us off).

Some may say that my life looks religious, it's a far cry from anything religious, I don't do what I do because I feel guilty, or I might, or I'm trying to "earn my way" for anyone, anything, heaven, nor God. I do what I do because when I do things my way, my life just isn't full, I find myself climbing and going down, I look around running towards something but ending up where I started, and I try to get close to people and end up further away.

I am submitted to my job, not to "show off", not even to "move ahead", I'm submitted because Jesus says to love your neighbor, and when you do, peace is at hand. I am meek, meaning I am confident yet do not overuse what I know or what power I do have, because encouraging others and helping others helps everyone. I would like to say I'm humble, and with most external things I am, I know where I could exert myself but I restrain, because after years (and much more time is needed) of climbing up and going down, I have learned that turning the other cheek, not gloating about myself, and living in a fallen world and not complaining has brought a peace that only comes by living humbly. I mess this up on an almost daily basis, but even catching myself allows His light to shine.

For me, I submit because I have learned that serving others is extremely rewarding, not in a material way (although the Lord has blessed us immensely, and I know it has been because we choose to submit to His will and serve our neighbors, and because he's gracious, that's actually the first reason). The blessings of submission lead to life long relationships, peace, understanding, authentic forgiveness, and keep us where we belong, focused on the Lord, Others, and it allows Him to use us and provide for us.

He called me out
And I could not believe
He called me out
To touch for Him
To walk for Him
But why me?
Why then?

Why now?
For no better time exists
It's his will, let mine be beat
All my woes, all my foes
Are taken by Him

And so I will go
So I will touch
'Cause it is He who I trust
And it is He whom I am in

Man, sometimes I am so ashamed of myself, in a good healthy way. Let me explain, many times I dodge, withhold, or otherwise avoid talking about Jesus in a real way. Yeah I'll mention what I believe, what I think, and at times give simple encouragements. BUT, it's always in a very politically correct, benign kind of way. He is so real, and he has and does so much for me, I should talk about what he does as if it were my parents doing something great for me. He deserves even more praise! He is great, and his name shall reign the earth. Yet I inhibit myself all the time... this I shall investigate, this I shall dig into. I want him to be apparent in my life.

I actually timed that it takes just under 3 min to read this, please do :)

Hello Everyone,

A quick update on our Poland & France mission trip this summer; we are experiencing God's financial provision in his amazing ways, last month we raised another $1000 towards the trip, we now need just $2,860 (donation information below). We praise God for his work in all of this, and for the past two trips we have made with East Hill to the U-Turn summer camp to serve and disciple youth. Our excitement grows stronger with each trip, and our love for Poland, her people, and God's heart for them, grows stronger and more compassionate with each step we take.

This is, to date, the most expensive trip we have made, and in light of this we have done some praying and thinking about future trips. We are currently in the process of applying to be mission team leaders sent out of East Hill. This means that we will be leading teams to Poland on our own, giving us much more flexibility and allowing us to dig in deeper with the relationships we are building. Please pray for us through this process, for discernment in choosing team members, and in casting our vision and passion for our future in Poland. The most exciting part is that we are tentatively building up for a much less expensive trip (currently looks like $1,200 per person, verses the $3,000 per person for this trip) in February/March of 2008. As we plan out the details of this trip we hope to communicate a more focused vision for all of you to tangibly partner in.

Blessings and thanks for your prayerful support,

If you would like to financially support us:
Just $30 from each recipient of this email would pave the way for both of us.

Look to the right for "Poland Mission Information" and click on the PayPal donation button. Sorry not tax-deductible.

For tax deductible donations:
Send a check made out to “Mission Dispatch" to:

Travis & Alexis Mielonen
C/O Mission Dispatch
21911 76th AVE W. Suite 211
Edmonds, WA 98020--

Enemy-occupied territory – that is what this world is. – C. S. Lewis