food for fish

I don’t know the means, or the ends, but God does. God knows just how it will all work out. I know I am God’s, and that I love God. I know I have nothing to worry about, I know this just as I know my heart is beating. I don’t know the future, and I don’t know how it will happen, but I know it is good, and full of hope. I know I will never leave this path I have chosen. Some may think I’m foolish for thinking such thoughts “people fall away from their faith all the time, how can you guarantee you won’t”… I can’t, God does. God tells me I am righteous, I am unconditionally loved, I have a purpose, and that I am his child.

Whatever God has in store for me in the future on Earth, I know will not be anything less than what I have now. Every heartache to come, every moment of fear, all the hurt to come, and all the disappointments to be, will not detour me from the one who has it all, because he has shown me already that all this is used for his glory. As much as I am afraid to have one of my children die before me, I know that it can only be for the glory of God, even though it will be unbelievably hard to bear. Jesus is my king, my lord, and my savior – everything I do, I do it for him.

My heart is sometimes not in the right place, but it comes around, because the great joy of the Holy Spirit is in me, and reminds me to put my thoughts on Christ. Just today at our leaders meeting, I had this horrible thought during our musical worship of “I hate this”; I was referring to the worship! I have NEVER thought that (in my early steps with Jesus I thought it was “strange” but I never hated it), I was too distracted by the actual musical quality, and by the style. It wasn’t “me”, who cares! Worship is for God, not for me. I should only be getting something out of worship if I put something into it, and even then, I shouldn’t expect it! So, after a long 20 or so minutes of this nasty thought, I started reading Psalms, nothing specifically spoke to me, the Holy Spirit simply let me realize my attitude was all wrong.

So, whatever I do in the future, may I never stop making mistakes, or think I’m holier than any other brother or sister. Whatever I do may it always glorify god, and never myself or my church, or anything of this world. May my life only point to God!