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Tuesday, December 16, 2003

sexual lust and temptation

Anyone who has been visiting here for any amount of time knows that I have had a long battle with sexual purity. I know many other Christian guys younger and older but mostly my age who struggle with this all the time. Some of them would never admit it in public as I choose too, but they have admitted to me they are enslaved to it. I know I felt like a slave to sexual lusts, desires, and sin for years and years. Before I was Christian, I did not feel as guilty about it, but I had a small thought in the back of my mind which made me uncomfortable. There are actually many good resources to help us, but the best piece of advice I ever received was "turn your thoughts to someone else, some other person's needs", but even with that advice, I was not strong enough. So in order to strengthen myself I had to make myself accountable.

I signed up for Covenant Eyes, it is a small piece of software you install on your computer, which creates a log of all your internet activity. Then it sends the logs in a scored format, to any accountability partner(s) of your choice via email at whatever interval they choose. It does cost $75/year, but I believe this to be a fair price, it is not a simple program and if you do not have someone you can trust they will provide (an) accountability partner(s) for you . For just $75/year, you have another weapon against the evil that tempts us. As far as I can tell, it is a very hard-core piece of software, very well written, and can not be fooled (I have tried, and I am a certified IT technician, but when you disable it, or prevent it from loading, your internet connection is broken, it replaces crucial files) and in order to uninstall it you must get an uninstallation code from them, which is only good for that day. There is no slow-down in your internet access, and it works with any kind of connection. You only pay per username, so you may install it on multiple computers, but it will be under your username and sent to your accountability partners, so if you do not trust someone in your house-hold, do not let them use the internet under your name (you can also set it up so you must logon, therefore no one can use it under your name). In my opinion, it is far better than an internet filter, because those can be fooled, plus covenant eyes is written by Christians for Christians, and you can not fool a good friend.

Even with this I have fallen to sexual temptation (temptation is not the sin, giving into the temptation is the sin) a few times, but from what use to be at least once, if not two, three, or four times, has now turned into maybe once a month. It is getting better all the time, I hope to go a year, but I will only go one day at a time, and continue to always think of others when the temptation comes knocking at my door.

I made a covenant with my eyes not to look with lust upon a young woman. [Job 31:1]