I am not having an identity crisis, but I would like to become a little bit different in the end of this year. I know being here, I cannot avoid changing a little bit, but I would like to set some characteristic goals. For instance, I would like to have the courage to speak about my relationship with Jesus a little more freely without worrying about what someone might think. I am not talking about throwing it in someone’s face; I am talking about when I get that little voice saying, "he/she is ready to hear it, say it". Another quality I would like to have when I return to Seattle is to be a more openly affectionate person. Being affectionate has always been an issue, not sure why, but I just do not give hugs or show much physical affection or say affectionate things to people, I would like to be the kind of guy who (with proper discernment) can make someone feel loved and wanted. I know I already have good qualities but I do not see anything wrong with trying to improve myself, as long as I keep my focus on serving God and using these quality enhancements to serve others and God at the same time instead of self-serving.
To accomplish this I am going to study three strong new-testament characters, Paul, Barnabas, and Timothy. Paul was a great leader and mentor to Timothy, Barnabas as a "son of encouragement", and Timothy as another great leader and "child in the Lord". Great leaders require great mentors, self-motivation, and commitment. My motivation levels can be a bit on the low side, but with lots of prayer and studying, I can do it.
Recently more than one person has told me, that I am a great encourager, I never really thought so before, but I will take it, and work on it. This is a one hundred eighty degree turnaround from five years ago, when my youth pastor (thank God) told me I was a negative person. That statement turned my thoughts around, I thought I was an optimistic person; this is when I started changing. I started believing in Jesus five years ago, I have known Jesus for four years, and I have walked with Jesus for three, now I am depending on him.
When he arrived and saw this proof of God's favor, he was filled with joy, and he encouraged the believers to stay true to the Lord. Barnabas was a good man, full of the Holy Spirit and strong in faith. And large numbers of people were brought to the Lord. [Acts 11:23, 24 – on Barnabas]
For to me, living is for Christ, and dying is even better. Yet if I live, that means fruitful service for Christ. I really don't know which is better. I'm torn between two desires: Sometimes I want to live, and sometimes I long to go and be with Christ. That would be far better for me, but it is better for you that I live. [Philippians 1:21-24 – on Paul]
I have no one else like Timothy, who genuinely cares about your welfare. All the others care only for themselves and not for what matters to Jesus Christ. But you know how Timothy has proved himself. Like a son with his father, he has helped me in preaching the Good News. [Philippians 2:20-22 – on Timothy]
