food for fish

I completely feel like Paul in 2nd Corinthians 11:16-33, I have been going through many different things; preparing for a missionary trip to Poland, balancing relationships with my friends and with Alexis, and most of all maintaining my relationship with Christ. All of these things have been a drain on me and on my relationships, but I know I must suffer for the greater cause of Christ, and for others. I have not suffered anything near what Paul had, because my own selfishness has caused me to hold onto some of this word. I pray and pray for God to continue his work in me and in the lives of all my friends and family. I am closing this chapter in my life and starting an entirely different one, one with new characters, new experiences, new places, and most of all a different attitude. But the one character who is there, and will be there forever, and will not be changing is God. I will work for the glory of God, and be a slave to Christ Jesus, and serve his creation. Nothing is more important in my life than serving God and others, my life is nothing unless I can serve Christ and others, whatever that may be, let it be.

This time I'm off to Steamboat Rock state park, near the Grand Coulee Dam. I'll be with 21 other brothers and sisters in Christ from my church. It's going to be a lot of fun, it�s a smaller group that last year, although the actual group has grown, must just be a bad time for people to get time off or something. It should be great fun, hot, but fun. I'll be back on Sunday, and I might blog, or I might wait until Monday.

For all of those wanting to know Creation details, well my parents finally gave me an answer to using their truck/camper, and the answer was no, because they didn't want to be unfair to my brother, and they won't budge� so that's okay, we'll just have to rough it. So gather up your coolers, tents, flashlights, etc� because we gunna be camping out the old fashion way. Bring water, and lots of it, I'm going to see if Costco has those 5 gallon water deals, that would be cool. Okay, I'll be praying for ya'll, so have a good night, and a great weekend. God bless.

That is what Paul told the Corinthians in 1st Corinthians chapter eight. He told them do not do anything which may lead another Christian to stumble, so if there is a Christian who was raised that alcohol is a sin to drink, then don't drink alcohol with that person, even if you personally don't think drinking is a sin. Do this because, drinking around that person may cause that person to lose their morals, and standards, or maybe he or she is more susceptible to getting drunk. There are many reasons, do not disturb someone for who they are, the only thing that matters is that he or she is honoring God. By not drinking, that person is not dishonoring God. By not eating meat, a person is not dishonoring God, by just allowing people to have certain standards, as long as they do not dishonor God, they are honoring God.

I've updated some of the sidebar pictures, take a looky. You can click on them to get bigger ones too. I'll be adding pictures as I find ones worthy of permanently displaying, such as Poland pictures and such. God bless.

Just for the record: this isn't a reaction to anything that thappened, just questions and thoughts, about nothing specific.

So here I am in my bedroom, with a thousand thoughts going through my mind. Who/What are these thoughts about well God and Alexis. I realize it is kind of late, and when its late weird thoughts go through my head, so I'll just list them and answer the questions�. And see if anyone has advice� which I'm sure a few of you will. :)

Do I tell her I love her? � I'm pretty sure she knows, but is this going to fast right now? I feel like this should be reserved for a special occasion, a special time when the meaning can be associated to God's love.

Is Alexis my future wife? � I would love to say yes, I know as of right now there isn't any thing keeping me from saying no, except that we both know we must continue to grow together and closer to Christ, and take things in God's timing. Right now, I have no doubt, but that in itself scares me, and is the only thing that scares me, this all seems to good to be true� must remain cautious.

Should I kiss her? � NO, I already know this, not until the time is right, for instance, when I propose to her, or maybe when I return from Poland, I'm not sure but I know this is more than a physical connection being made, it will be the beginning of us joining together.

When to listen, and when to give advice � My heart is to serve her, and I understand that a lot of times Woman just want to be listened to, while I want to help and make a plan to fix the problem, when really the best way to fix the problem is to just listen. But what about my need to want to give advice? When does that happen? This isn't much of an issue now, but I can see myself thinking "Why doesn't she just take my advice, at least give it a try?"

Our goal � The goal of our relationship is marriage, we are I guess technically "courting", but for the sake of our friends and questions we say "dating". We are choosing to take things slowly, and to keep God at the center at all times, we both have accountability partners, and we both want to keep life centered on Christ and serving others.

So, this is what is going through my head, isn't it exciting? All I want from our relationship is a relationship which honors God, keeps Christ in the Center and is made to serve others even more than we can separate. I ask for you to pray for God's wisdom and strength in our relationship with him, with others, and with each other. Thanks� advice very much welcomed.

Although Alexis, Justin, Ryan P, Leah A, and many other friends I would love to spend this time with, won't be there. I will, and I'm excited!

Switchfoot, Newsboys, Michael W. Smith, Third Day, Audio Adrenaline, Sixpence, Mercy Me, Relient K, FFH, Paul Coleman Trio, Pax 217, Lincoln Brewster, Superchic[k], All Together Separate, Jeremy Camp, Sanctus Real, Kutless, The Elms, Tree 63, and Paul Baloche are all going to be there! Along w/ a lot of others, but those are all the ones I wana see. So, I'm ready� a little over a week and I'll be takin in the light of Creation 2003 at the Gorge Amphitheater!

And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice--the kind he will accept. When you think of what he has done for you, is this too much to ask? Don't copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will know what God wants you to do, and you will know how good and pleasing and perfect his will really is.

As God's messenger, I give each of you this warning: Be honest in your estimate of yourselves, measuring your value by how much faith God has given you. Just as our bodies have many parts and each part has a special function, so it is with Christ's body. We are all parts of his one body, and each of us has different work to do. And since we are all one body in Christ, we belong to each other, and each of us needs all the others.

God has given each of us the ability to do certain things well. So if God has given you the ability to prophesy, speak out when you have faith that God is speaking through you. If your gift is that of serving others, serve them well. If you are a teacher, do a good job of teaching. If your gift is to encourage others, do it! If you have money, share it generously. If God has given you leadership ability, take the responsibility seriously. And if you have a gift for showing kindness to others, do it gladly.

Don't just pretend that you love others. Really love them. Hate what is wrong. Stand on the side of the good. Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other. Never be lazy in your work, but serve the Lord enthusiastically.

Be glad for all God is planning for you. Be patient in trouble, and always be prayerful. When God's children are in need, be the one to help them out. And get into the habit of inviting guests home for dinner or, if they need lodging, for the night.

If people persecute you because you are a Christian, don't curse them; pray that God will bless them. When others are happy, be happy with them. If they are sad, share their sorrow. Live in harmony with each other. Don't try to act important, but enjoy the company of ordinary people. And don't think you know it all!
Never pay back evil for evil to anyone. Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honorable.

I couldn't say it better myself. So now i'm going to Matt's house.

I'm bored and tired, and I'm not motivated to do what I should� I should go ride my bike, and I should read my bible (which I'm going to right now). Alexis is having a girl's night out with her friend, so I'm just kind of here. I'll see her tomorrow.

So there we were (Matt and I) sitting in my living room, and Mouse (the black cat) gets up on top of his bag. We think "Oh that silly cat, she's always getting into bags"� then we think "Oh� hmm her ears are stuck back like she's using the litter box or something, that's weird"� "Umm� she just got off the bag and is turning around to sniff where she was just sitting"� Complete side-splitting laughter comes from our apartment, as Matt inspects his bag, and sure enough Mouse peed into his bag!! Mouse belongs to my roommate Eric... go figure.

So later on, after group and all that special stuff� Alexis, Eric (my roommate) and I are at her house, and her dad gets back from the airport. Apparently a friend of his had died, so the tickets he had for him and his girlfriend to the John Mayor/Counting Crows show tomorrow are now available, so he offers them to us. YEAH BABY! So� we will be driving to the gorge tomorrow, how fun is that! Awesome.

I've been reading a lot of Romans lately, I am loving it, and I've never read through Romans before. No wonder it's a lot of people's favorite books of the bible, its great! God is so good� So good.

So since God's grace has set us free from the law, does this mean we can go on sinning? Of course not! Don't you realize that whatever you choose to obey becomes your master? You can choose sin, which leads to death, or you can choose to obey God and receive his approval. Thank God! Once you were slaves of sin, but now you have obeyed with all your heart the new teaching God has given you. Now you are free from sin, your old master, and you have become slaves to your new master, righteousness.
[Romans 6:15-18]

We get to choose how we live our lives, we can choose to sin, which leads to unhappiness, and the death of our spirit. Or we can choose to please God, which leads to joy and fills our spirit.

I just have to say that I am loving my quiet times, this is the first time in my life I have actually gone longer than a week of study quiet times� it is great. The exercise (spiritually and physically) is feeling great. I highly recommend something similar.

Hi there on the other side of the Big Pond Travis,
How are you doing? Are excited about spending a year in Poland? I bet you are.
Well, first let me introduce myself. My name's Krzysztof (you can call me Chris) and if everything goes well we will have a chance to get to know each other pretty well (inside out frankly). Why? I'll tell you in a sec.
Once upon a time, actually a year ago I decided to spend a year in the south of Poland in order to find out God's will for me. In Nowy Targ I met Carol and Denise and started working with them becoming more and more involved in projects, group meetings, Bible studies and so on. My spiritual side received a boost never seen before. God started working miracles with the circle of people grouped around Carol and Denise's seven-year-long missionary work. Suddenly, within a year, a pretty loose group started acting as one body commiting their time and effort to something bigger than just regular meetings to study and pray. I looked with awe at the hand of God working in the midst of us. Through intimate meetings with God, spiritual growth, my ministry, confirmation from leaders, circumstances I came to believe that God wanted me to stay and help Carol and Denise. I struggled with that for quite a while, because from the purely worldly perspective it would have been against logic. However, God did not give up on molding my character towards reaching the right decision. Two weeks ago I announced my final decision to everyone: "I'm going back to the mountains for as long as God wants me to stay". Right now I'm still in Bydgoszcz, which is roughly an eight-hour drive away from Nowy Targ. But in September I am moving into a place that God has for us because we're gonna live together. I think it's cool 'cos we're both gonna be missionaries working for the same church though we don't know each other. I'll do my best to save you the culture shock and to help you assimilate. I can cook a thing or two and I have an MA in English so you'll be able to speak your lingo though in Poland. I spent a year in the US so I know your culture a bit too. I think it's going to be an enriching experience I'm really looking forward to spending a year with you. By the way, I'm 62. I know you're 24 so we may have some age discrepancy there, I'm kidding I'm 26 and I know quite a crowd of Christian friends our age around so your mission is not going to be only sweat and tears :)
Okey dokey, gotta go now. Take care and courage. Everything's gonna be fine. We're so looking forward to meeting and working with you. I would appreciate if you could drop me a line about your story. So far I know you're Travis, 24, male, computer programmist, Christian, and cool-that's all I know. You can also ask me any question and I'll be more than happy to answer.
Ps. I have a car, Honda Civic (not a brand new one but with quite some character). It's a stick. If you bring your driver's licence I'll share it with you.
God bless you friend
Chris

I corrected him, that i'm 21 not 24 and that i'm a system (network) engineer not a programmer... small details, nothing big.

CO DATE CITY-AIRPORT TIME FLIGHT NBR/CLASS ST SERV/AMNT
-- ---- ------------ ---- ---------------- -- ---------
A SA 06SEP LV SEATTLE 210P UNITED 938V OK LUNCH
AR CHICAGO-OHARE 754P 0STOP 767
ARRIVE TERMINAL 1
UA CONFO *X5RX6M

A SA 06SEP LV CHICAGO-OHARE 1000P LUFTHANSA 433V OK
07SEP AR FRANKFURT 125P 0STOP JET
DEPART TERMINAL 1
ARRIVE TERMINAL 1
LH CONFO *2RWD3F

A SU 07SEP LV FRANKFURT 620P LUFTHANSA 6968V OK BEVERAGE
AR KRAKOW 800P 0STOP 737
OPERATED BY LOT POLISH
DEPART TERMINAL 1
LH CONFO *2RWD3F

Basically I leave Seattle on the 6th of September, stop in Chicago at 7:54pm leave Chicago at 10pm arrive in Frankfurt, Germany at 1:25p on the 7th, then leave Frankfurt at 6:20pm, and finally arrive at Krakow, Poland at 8:00PM then drive an hour and a half to Nowytarg, Poland. My return flight is currently booked for March 24th, but I'll have to change that when the time comes around, because Airlines don't allow you to book a flight over 11months... so no biggy, it's $100 to change, so my total cost (including taxes) comes to $1050 which is not bad at all, compared to the $1200 I was quoted, and that was before the change fee and the taxes.

I just read Hebrews eight and nine; and in my bible they are titled "The new covenant is greater than the old � Christ is our High Priest" and "Old rules about worship". Christ came to make the final sacrifice, so that in our hearts we could worship God instead of doing mindless sacrifices. Read it and know.

I believe it is so important to understand this, so that we can really show people who do not follow Christ, that we are called to live free lives, not lives full of religious rules, but lives which worship God because of his grace and mercy.

Dear Friend,

I would like to share with you something I've read recently�

She was sitting opposite me, head tipped back like mine. She had figured I wasn't Polish and so said across the room "hi". It was nice when my English bubble extended beyond myself, so I started talking with her - slowly and simply, as she struggled with her vocabulary.
I thought I was asking her a question with one of those girly answers: "So, what are you having done here today?" Her eyes welled up in tears; she wasn't at the hairdressers for the same reason as me. Her friend had been killed in a drink-driving car crash and she wanted to look her best as a pallbearer that afternoon. She wanted to have coffee with me the next day and talk some more.
We ended up having coffee, dessert and McDonald's lots of times together over the next few weeks. She enjoyed my company, and loved practicing her English. It seemed she had it all: young, tall, slim, gorgeous, deeply tanned, access to loads of money, beauty treatments, stacks of friends in fast cars... you name it. All along, I kept asking God what he was wanting me to do. I don't recall him saying much at all, which was quite frustrating.
Until one cool summer's day over lunch...
I happened to be wearing my favorite grey polar fleece vest, one of my two warm tops I had in Poland, and she remarked on how nice it was. We continued with small talk for a while, and I remember clearly God saying to me to give her the top. I sat there, squirming, mind racing -- I loved that top and she had plenty more nice clothes than me. But I knew I needed to do this, somehow God was in this and he knew more than I did.
So I asked her to try the top on and she fit it perfectly. Once she had it on, I said it was hers to keep. For a while she protested and I insisted. And then the tears began falling from her face, and I had no clue why.
We hugged goodbye later that day. She was desperate to go out and buy me something in return and meet up with me the next day to explain some things to me with the aid of a translator friend of mine.
When we met up again, she was obviously still deeply moved by the gift. And for the first time since we met, she wanted to talk about something of real substance. She wanted to share her inner sadness and pain, her story and her anger at God for allowing things to happen. An 18 year old girl who seemed to have lived through so much.
All this opening up because of one grey polar fleece vest?
She told me why she was so emotional, "you are the first person to give me something without first wanting something from me." She told me how her friends, lovers, everyone, used her for her money, or her body. She couldn't believe I wanted to be her friend and give her something; it was totally foreign to her. We talked about God and how much he cares for her, and my Polish friend shared her testimony in Polish, with obvious similarities. I got to pray with her and give her a bible, but most importantly, I know for sure that God was working in her life, and would continue to pursue her and get past her perfect image she portrayed. I think about her often, look at the photos of us together and remember that moment when God asked me to do something seemingly ridiculous.
I desperately need to keep listening for those moments.
[Source: cre8d Journal]

Stories like this one help me understand why God is calling me to Poland. The doors are opening, and anxiety grows stronger, but I will be leaving on September 6th to live in Poland for a year. During my time there I will be leading a young men's bible study, and helping with a young adults group for a newly starting church in Nowytarg, Poland. While I'm away I will be celebrating holidays for the first time away from Seattle, this is huge in my life. But I know it is where God wants me to be, it is going to be a time of growth, physically, emotionally, and spiritually where I can learn to depend on God, and learn to serve him and people. My heart is incredibly anxious to show, live, and tell about God's awesome plan for our lives, known as the good news of Jesus Christ.

For me to live there, it will cost roughly $750/month; which is pennies compared to how much I need to survive here at home. If you do the math, it comes out to just 75 people faithfully donating $10/month for a year, or 37.5 people donating $20/month for a year. That's like not going to Red Robin once or twice a month. Out of all ways of supporting though, your prayers are the most important. Thank you for your time, prayers, and support.

For Him,

Travis

-----------------------------------------------------------

If you would like to donate on a monthly basis, please send an email to: tmielonen@comcast.net w/ the subject of "Poland Missions" and in the message body please include the following information.

Monthly Contribution amount: $_______
Contribution start date: ____/______/______
Contribution end date: _____/_____/_______
Day of month contribution will be sent: _______

If you would like to make a one time contribution please send all contributions to:

Travis Mielonen
C/O Mission Dispatch
654 5th Ave. S. Suite 300
Edmunds, WA 98020
Make checks payable to Mission Dispatch

Or donate online via the pay pal button to the right --->

So, Leah pops up online, in a username I didn�t know was her�s, but that�s okay. She suggests I look at Travel Cuts, which is a travel agency for students and youth (under 26). Well I look it up, do a little research and call them, and I now have a ticket (pending my deposit into my Poland account) for Krakow, Poland for a mere $799 which is way better compared to the $1200 I was told a while back by an airline. So, praise God. Thank you Leah!

First, I read Proverbs 31, which I've read many times before, but today I got something different out of it. Instead of just applying it to a Godly wife, it applies to anyone who wants to be Godly. A Godly person, shall be a hard worker, fear God, respect their spouse, be prepared, encourage others, care for others, concern for the poor, and have wisdom in handling money. All of these attributes lead to a life of enjoyment, success, honor and good work.

But, if you read Ecclesiastes it appears that Solomon says all of this wisdom is meaningless, but READ the whole thing, it is amazing! Don't live just to live for wisdom and wealth, live to fear and worship God almighty. I read the entire thing today, and I am soo happy I did.

Just a quick update� I�ll have more later today. But I got my web cam to work at my desk at work now, so that�s kind of exciting. I�ve been talking to one of my old roommates, she (yes, I know, but things have changed, I won�t live w/ girls again) has been growing in the Lord so much, she�s not going to church that I know of� but she is really interested in going to mine when her grandparents are better. So I love how God is moving people. So far at work, things are okay, I don�t have much to do except coordinate our phone network people so they can get things working better. So, I hope everyone is good� Oh by the way, Alexis doesn�t have to work today, that�s a good thing! Yay. Have a great day.

Today I had a good day at work, got all the little things done, and now I'm moving onto the larger projects, which is a good deal. The weather was a little bit like my mood today, sometimes it was the intense rain blowing in from the side, and other times the beautiful sun and big white puffy clouds causing rays of light to beam through the sky. Today during my short quiet time, I was reading from 2nd Thessalonians 3:2-5, and Christ gives us the endurance to live, to live through hard times, times of bad choices, and times of separation. If we practice what Jesus showed and told us we can have the deep understanding of God's love and endurance, we just have to focus on God, and God alone. I am learning how to interact with Alexis, what her boundaries are how to keep God in the center but also serve her needs, and to continue to keep that balance in both of our lives. Tonight was a blast, introducing Alexis to all my CRU friends, and really feeling comfortable when I thought I would be feeling awkward. We haven't had any "alone time" yet, not even before we were dating, I'm not sure if this is a good thing or not, but I know it will come in God's timing, right now it's a lot of feeling like we are under the microscope from our friends, of which I am not ashamed or upset about. Thank you Lord.

Dear Jesus,

I ask for you to continue to open my heart to your will, I praise you for who you are in my life, and I thank you for providing enough support for Poland so I can now purchase my plane tickets. Thank you lord, thank you! God I ask you for guidance, wisdom and simply to stay in love with you and not anything below you. I ask for you to hit me on the head, and to keep me in the narrow path which leads to you. Lord God, I ask for all of this in Jesus Christ's name.

So be it.

So, this weekend has turned out to be absolutely amazing! What can I say; Lord it's you I follow. For the past 10 months I've been focusing on just God, so I can prepare for Poland, a relationship was out of the question, I thought it would be unfair to me and to whomever to be gone for a year. Well, in the past month, God has been brining me closer to a friend, who has had remarkable similarities. She is an amazing Woman of God, both of us know that our relationship can only work if Christ is the central governing body. I never thought it possible for me to have a girlfriend at this moment in my life, I never in my wildest dreams imagine it to be this woman of Christ. She is beautiful on the outside as well as God centered on the inside, and has a wonderful smile which reflects Christ's love. I ask for anyone of the praying variety to please pray for us, and if God is telling you anything about "this" please have no fear in telling me or her.

One thing that I am so happy I had decided to do, well before I was even thinking of engaging in any relationship, was asking someone of extreme importance for "their blessing" on me dating someone. In this case I asked her brother. He was, to say the least, surprised. But he was quite happy, and he said it was great. So, it's official, Alexis Coho is my girlfriend, but our master is Jesus Christ.

We know that Poland will be a huge struggle, but at the same time we both have an amazing peace about it. There are many details to talk about, but you will get them as I put my mind back together.

PS. Can't update the webcam picture, because our FTP isn't working... I also have lots of pictures from this weekend, but can't upload those either... rats.

Yep... sorry kids. I have decided to take a random trip to the Grand Coulee Dam in eastern Washington. Have a great weekend, and i'll tell ya'll about it when I get back. May God's peace, grace, and mercy be upon you. God is good, and right now i'm really noticing!

This local news story caught my eye. Here were these trained firefighters, and an ambulance who �just happened to be there� when this lady needed them the most. Someone was watching over her, this story is incredible. I wonder sometimes how many times a day things like this happen, to me, to you, with out us even knowing. I�ve been asking God to show me signs and wonders, small or big, this is for sure one.

[Yesterday's post, my blog was being upgraded, YAY!, I like it]

Is it even possible to go outside of human understanding? Can we even begin to understand God's grace and mercy? I say to you yes, yes we can, because Christ came to free us, to free us from this human world, and to be with him. Here I am at the end of the wetlands catwalk on the UW Bothell/Cascadia campus, and I can hear humans all around me, but you know what I feel? The absolute presence of God, thousands of creatures are within throwing distance of me at this very moment. The wind is blowing, and as the saying goes, I can't see the wind but I can feel the effects of the wind. I can't see God, but I can feel the effects of God, and I can feel his absolute love. Nothing is relative for God. Nothing can take away that feeling, just like nothing can stop the wind from blowing.

I was reading 1st Timothy four, five and six earlier before I biked out here. The thing that jumped out at me was in chapter five. Paul was telling Tim about teachers and leaders in the church who would argue over the meaning of words, that's how I feel lately. I feel like so many people are quibbling over minute details, and not seeing God's great plan for us, for you, for all. Thankfully the piece of the body I fellowship with, understands this, and realizes when they are falling into this trap. I just pray for the body to begin coming together, and worshiping together as one true body. I don't know if this is right or wrong, but I really feel like "false teachers" like the ones Paul talks about on a number of occasions should be pointed out, and made aware to the unbelievers, that these people do not serve the God of the universe. I'm not sure how, and like I said, I don't eve know if it is right, but there seems to be so many of them, and they for sure are not leading people to God. My heart breaks for those who have been hurt by the "church", by "pastors", by "priests" by "Christians". I do not want to be one of those, I am a Christ follower.

God is so awesome when you give him the time of day�

And that is exactly what I did today, I gave him time. Time for me and him to just communicate, its like talking on the phone with someone, you actually have to listen. This little "program" of mine is working out great� well it's only been one day, but I have enjoyed it a lot! During my first session, I realized just how out of shape I am, which I think correlates with my lack of communication with God these days. Then I picked up "The Plot" it�s a book that a friend sent me, the idea is give you the overall "plot" of the Bible, and see just how small some of the details which we Christians argue about are. So far, it's been really good, I'm only in the first chapter, but I like it, so I'll continue it. My bike trip was fantastic, it felt so good, and I got to visit with my good friend Jen who was working at Tully's, we talked while I cooled down with a milk shake. During my ride, I was able to truly think about life and pray to God while listening to Worship music of all kinds, my MP3 player decided to play some very old stuff, and instead of skipping it, I listened, and heard the beauty. Any worship is AWESOME worship as long as you are truly worshiping God. So, this God time, showed me how hard work and determination is going to be my next lesson in life. Amen for that.

PS. I still havn't been upgraded to Dano... it sucks... I want it.

Let the games begin.

Okay, so they are not really games, and they are not really competitive, but� I still have to get in shape for these games� What are these games? The games of life. Jesus told us to love the Lord, Our God, with all our Hearts (emotionally), Minds (educationally), and soul (spiritually). I have devised a system for myself to train my self in each of those areas. So what is a time with God and Travis going to look like?

20min of Push-ups and sit-ups � This is to prepare myself for the educational area, plus a good workout always leaves me feeling more spiritual.

20min of reading the Bible/Christian readings � This is the educational area, I think twice a week like Tuesdays and Thursdays I will read from some kind of Christian reading other than the bible, such as "The purpose driven life".

20min of bike riding and listening to Worship/Christian music� This is the spiritual area and more physical activity to prepare me for the emotional activity, during this time I'll listen to worship music and other Christian music w/ my cool MP3 player, this is actually the main reason I bought it, and I've never used it for this purpose.

20min of blogging � This is the emotional activity, this is where I'll write about what I really got out of my time with the Lord, this is the time I'll truly see how I am suppose to do what he has said in this time. This is the time for me to open up and chew what I've eaten.

Total 80min w/ God� not bad, that's like a class period in high school (we had a block schedule). Awesome, now I've got to actually stick to it, but because I've laid it out, I believe I can do it.

I know it's been about four days since I've posted, sorry. I've been incredibly busy, but I've been learning a lot. I have a lot of planning and fundraising to do for Poland, and I have a lot of people I need to contact. Now that I've taken a small "vacation" from "normal" life, I'm going to hop back in at nearly full speed. I've got some things to take care of, like working harder at work, I need to talk to a couple of people about some serious stuff, and I need to really start a program of spiritual, physical and emotional workout. So, if you will, please pray for me, my friends and the relationships people seem to be getting themselves into, both friendships and more. Here is a quote I heard on Thursday, which I really really like; this is my memory recalling it so it is not verbatim, and I can not remember who said it:

"Love is serving, and fulfilling the needs of another person, and forgetting yourself. Lust is thinking only of what you can get from the other person, and expecting to receive something from another person." - Jesus loved, he did not lust.

Whatever you do, do well. For when you go to the grave, there will be no work or planning or knowledge or wisdom.
I have observed something else in this world of ours. The fastest runner doesn't always win the race, and the strongest warrior doesn't always win the battle. The wise are often poor, and the skillful are not necessarily wealthy. And those who are educated don't always lead successful lives. It is all decided by chance, by being at the right place at the right time.
People can never predict when hard times might come. Like fish in a net or birds in a snare, people are often caught by sudden tragedy.
[Ecclesiastes 9:10-11]

We live in an unpredictable world. Because sin is what controls this world, because we each make our own choices, which lead to our own consequences, we must realize we live in the world which has been destroyed, it is no longer the way God intended. But God uses these failures, and consequences to teach us. God's nature is for us to be with him, but because of sin we are separated from him. There is an opposing force, which we must fight. Pray continually for God's plan, wisdom, and power to overcome, our prayers empower God's Holy Spirit to continue the good fight. God has a plan to restore the world to his original plans. God wants us to truly love him though, so he has given us the choice, we can take it or leave it. One day every person will confess he is God, and one day every knee will bow, can you imagine? God has already one the battle, we just need to fight our own. This life is not fair, bad things happen to good people � but we have something which Satan does not, we have everlasting life.

Warning Doctrinal Argument ahead, proceed with caution, or take this detour.

Do we go straight to heaven when we die? I did a google search on this and found 116,000 different answers. So, do we? There seems to be many different articles and opinions. I strongly recommended you go looking for your self. It's an interesting question when you look at these verses:

John 6:38-40
For I have come down from heaven to do the will of God who sent me, not to do what I want. And this is the will of God, that I should not lose even one of all those he has given me, but that I should raise them to eternal life at the last day. For it is my Father's will that all who see his Son and believe in him should have eternal life--that I should raise them at the last day."

Daniel 12:1-3
"At that time Michael, the archangel who stands guard over your nation, will arise. Then there will be a time of anguish greater than any since nations first came into existence. But at that time every one of your people whose name is written in the book will be rescued. Many of those whose bodies lie dead and buried will rise up, some to everlasting life and some to shame and everlasting contempt. Those who are wise will shine as bright as the sky, and those who turn many to righteousness will shine like stars forever.

1st Corinthians 15:22-23
Everyone dies because all of us are related to Adam, the first man. But all who are related to Christ, the other man, will be given new life. But there is an order to this resurrection: Christ was raised first; then when Christ comes back, all his people will be raised.

The jury is still out on this one, but just remember things like this do not change who we are living for or why we are here on earth. We are here to love our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, and to love others as unconditionally as humanly possible.

So, another beautiful day in Seattle; I'm telling all you skeptics of Seattle weather, we have a lot of sunny days, and they are 100 times better than any sunny day in any other city. You know why? Because they are GREEN! Our winters may not be white, but our springs, and summers (which by the way usually continues through to early October) are green. I love Seattle, today I was fooling around at work (not much else to do today, kind of slow) and I ran upon a website which has pictures of 35 different pictures around the world, and the author of this website said that out of all the US cities he has visited in the States Seattle is the best, so far. See even non-Seattle natives love it here!

So today is Mitch's 21st birthday, so I'll be going to his place for a bible study, and then later on, a night on the town. I love Seattle. Party hardy, Christ style.

So why am I going to Poland? So I can get away from this busy life here, and depend on God. So I can focus on serving others, and being there for them. So I can understand God more, so others can understand God more. Because God has set it up this way, and because I want to serve him and love him. I don't want to be religious, and do things just to look good, and have others things I'm a "good" guy. I want to know God so that he doesn't say "Depart from me, for I do not know you".

[Mathew 25:31-46]
"But when the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, then he will sit upon his glorious throne. All the nations will be gathered in his presence, and he will separate them as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. He will place the sheep at his right hand and the goats at his left. Then the King will say to those on the right, `Come, you who are blessed by my Father, inherit the Kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world. For I was hungry, and you fed me. I was thirsty, and you gave me a drink. I was a stranger, and you invited me into your home. I was naked, and you gave me clothing. I was sick, and you cared for me. I was in prison, and you visited me.'
"Then these righteous ones will reply, `Lord, when did we ever see you hungry and feed you? Or thirsty and give you something to drink? Or a stranger and show you hospitality? Or naked and give you clothing? When did we ever see you sick or in prison, and visit you?' And the King will tell them, `I assure you, when you did it to one of the least of these my brothers and sisters, you were doing it to me!'
"Then the King will turn to those on the left and say, `Away with you, you cursed ones, into the eternal fire prepared for the Devil and his demons! For I was hungry, and you didn't feed me. I was thirsty, and you didn't give me anything to drink. I was a stranger, and you didn't invite me into your home. I was naked, and you gave me no clothing. I was sick and in prison, and you didn't visit me.'
"Then they will reply, `Lord, when did we ever see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or naked or sick or in prison, and not help you?' And he will answer, `I assure you, when you refused to help the least of these my brothers and sisters, you were refusing to help me.' And they will go away into eternal punishment, but the righteous will go into eternal life."

So please pray, and if you feel it is God's call, donate. Otherwise continue to pray for God's guidance and wisdom in my life and the ones I will be entering. Thanks.

For those of you questioning parts of Christianity, or are looking for answers to common questions about Christianity, take a look here, it�s a lot to read, but its good information. It answers all the questions I had before I was Christian, and has made some of my current answers stronger. We have to remember that God created a plan, God has given and shown us the way, it may be hard to accept and follow, but it is the only way.

God's plan is not politically correct, it does not satisfy those who are lazy, and only those who search for God and accept the plan will be with God. It is completely understandable to have problems with people, "religious" people; but to take those problems and then use them to keep yourself away from God and away from other people truly seeking God, which is when you will encounter problems yourself. This article tells it as it is, it's hard for some to accept, but God has made it clear to us, why would he make it unclear? What God is that? Not my God, and not the only God of the universe.

Wow, this post from cre8d journal is exactly the reason I am going to Poland. I have been hearing from a few different sources that many of the Polish people are very "religious" and do not understand the joy of Christ. Reading things like this; lights a fire under me, it reminds me why I'm trying to raise money to go, why I have so much work to do. I need to get on this whole money raising kick anyway, so, if you could, please click on the Paypal donation link on my sidebar. I need about $500 more to get my plane tickets. The world needs Jesus, but most of all they need Christians to just be Christ like. So in preparation of that, I'm going to be studying a lot, studying my bible that is. Please pray, and donate if you can. Thanks!

Rar.

I wish I had a digital camera... it was raining earlier and now it's beautiful! Eric if you read this, can I barrow your digital camera? I also need to remind myself to do my "day" project, I keep forgetting. So this is a note to myself. Digital Camera, Day project, call Cindi. Okay I think that's it.

Have a good day. I am planning on posting something with actual meaning here, soon, but I'm at work, so I can't really think straight.

Good god, school is done.

Well I left Cascadia for the last time today, well at least for a year and a half. This has been an interesting time in my life. I remember going into Cascadia's temporary offices back in the summer of 2000, it was a small office near the Seattle Times building in Bothell. I took the tests, did my own registration, and I was so excited to be attending the newest community college in the state of Washington in like 20 years. Well, one of my first classes was a 6:30 in the morning web development class (a pre req for network support), boy I told my self I would never take a 6:30 class, you know what, I did, and I hated it. I even took a couple of Saturday classes in my years at Cascadia, and I hated those too.

I've been at Cascadia for three years, and I still don�t have an associate's degree, but I have a lot in my head that I've learned. One is� I am really awful at Math and if I ever take it again, I'm taking only math that quarter. I do best when I have a friend in the class, it motivates me to actually go to class and do the work. I've learned to do things on my own even more. I love the college scene, even though at a community college it's kind of lame, you don't live there so many students don�t really care about it. I've seen Cascadia go from a school of 1200 to a school of 3000 +, go from bear cement floors (which I liked) to carpeted floors (which made it a lot quieter), and have many other things done to it.

But the best thing of all about Cascadia was Campus Crusade. I have no idea how much I have learned and changed because of CRU (Campus CRUsade). God used CRU so amazingly in my life. Because of CRU I became more independent, but at the same time a person who truly cared and wanted to be meet the needs of others. CRU helped me develop into a leader, into someone who could facilitate events, and work in a team. I have met some awesome friends through CRU, many of them are going to be life time friends, if not friends eternally. I will always remember the CRU winter and fall conferences. I just ask for god's blessing on CRU at Cascadia and all other campuses around the world. It truly is an awesome ministry, and I just ask for God's holy spirit to live and dwell and guide all who are seeking after him. I ask for every student at Cascadia to think and listen for God, and let the Holy Spirit come upon them, so they can make the choice to follow Christ.

I will miss CRU, I will miss Cascadia, and I will miss the people most of all. But I know God is calling me to different places for now. But who knows, I have a special place for Cascadia in my heart, we'll see where God leads me.

Today's Mess.

1. Wakeup at 8 to go to class

2. Get to class at 8:35 for final presentation � Persuasive speech "We were meant to be�"

3. Class ends at 10:50 I get bumped from giving speech, this is the last day, must give before end of quarter � tomorrow

4. 11:30 go to Red Robbin for lunch w/ John, Jen, Nicole and Sarah, fun times, of course I'm worrying about my speech though.

5. Give speech at 1:15 � All goes great, my Instructor actually shakes my hand and tells me good job� wow awesome.

6. Get to work at 2:00 dink around, fix a few problems, etc, etc.

7. 3:20 Get to Tux shop to pick up tux for wedding on Saturday

8. 3:45pm Get home, start and finish one of the last assignments for my public speaking class, with 30 min to spare before deadline which is at 5pm.

9. 4:50pm Going to Cascadia one more time to do a video analysis of my final speech� yay.

10. 5:30pm Going to Mill Creek Foursquare Young Adults group, because I love it� hopefully I'll see ya there? 7pm? Yeah baby�

11. Get home sometime around mid-night God is good.

I think I've figured something out. Even though I love making sure people are walking straight with the Lord, I've learned it is better just to let people make their own mistakes, unless they ask you for advice. People have to take the first step in order to be helped. This is a very hard thing for me to do, I want to so badly tell them and sometimes even prevent them from making the choices they are making. I hate seeing people fall into the same wholes over and over again. I hate seeing people get depressed because of their choices, for the most part (I know there are some physical reasons) I think depression is a sum of people's choices. I would really like to see people grow stronger and stronger because they want to, not because they feel forced, because many times that fails.

It's taken me five years to realize that the main reason I've gotten to the point I am today is because I wanted to, not because people told me everything I was doing wrong, and pointed out all the bad stuff. It's because people pointed out the good, told me the good, and showed me the good by their lifestyles. This is hard for me to grasp, even though I now realize that it was exactly what I did. It's true that a few events I went to, I listened to the speaker, and made a decision to try, but I believe the majority of that was the Holy Spirit using that speaker to further expose a problem I was already dealing with. All I can do is pray and give subtle hints to my brothers and sisters when I see them making a choice which does not honor God. My closer friends know what these things are, so I think it's okay for me to say things here and there, I just have to be careful not to condemn them.

I need to read the word more, and be in prayer on a consistent pattern. I need accountability, I need to grow. I'm very interested in seeing how Jesus dealt with this situation, I think that'll be my next series of reading, how Jesus dealt with the apostles when they made poor decisions. I need to be still and listen. Thank God school is ending, so I can devote more time to him, and really make a plan for my self.

Here ye, here ye. I declare my car has a curse or demon, or some evil hex� pray for it/me... So... the flat tire issue, the outcome... On a AWD Subaru Impreza WRX if you get a flat tire after about 10,000 miles of tread use, you have to replace all four tires, so you don't mess up your AWD system. So, one flat tire, caused by a stupid water meter cover just before the Freemont bridge on Westlake Ave being loose and splitting the inside wall over my driver side rear tire, has now cost me $470! Thank God he's provided me with these extra emergency funds, but I was hoping to have fun... oh well. But I'm wondering now, if God is telling me to sell my car to go to Poland... It's an idea I toyed wiht a while ago, but felt like he would provide other ways... please pray, I really don�t want to, I have a good car, w/ no car payments, if I sell it I'll need to buy another one, but I'll surely have car payments...

So, this has been an intresting weekend. I think God is telling me something about my car... make a visit over to Jeffersonair for more details (june 7th post)... On top of that mishap, I've lost my front license plate, illegal in these parts... that's another $20 or so on something I should have never needed to deal with. Oh and by the way check out the weather deal on my side bar, today has been GRAND! I tell you GRAND! Amen I love this weather, but not what we had for the last week, w/ the average temp being like 85 something... grrr. sick.

But when the Pharisees heard that he (Jesus) had silenced the Sadducees with his reply, they thought up a fresh question of their own to ask him. One of them, an expert in religious law, tried to trap him with this question: "Teacher, which is the most important commandment in the Law of Moses?"
Jesus replied, "`You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. A second is equally important: `Love your neighbor as yourself.' All the other commandments and all the demands of the prophets are based on these two commandments."
[Mathew 22:34-40]

Love God with all our hearts, souls and minds. So, love God with passion because we don't deserve his saving graceful love; with our actions, because he didn't have to act to keep us around; with our minds in what we learn and teach. But we are to love others just as we are to love God. We are to equally love others, as we love God. We can do this by forgetting our selves and meeting the needs of others around us. Of course God doesn't want us to be stepped all over and used and abused, but I can truly say I believe that if we serve others, God will protect us from those kinds of things. Maybe sometimes we are put through those kinds of things so that we can be a light to others, because we know God is just putting us through the fire to refine us and have all the crap burned off, so only the good will remain. So, I say this: Love God and People as you love your self, serve others as if they were your need, by doing this you are serving God, and in return he will provide for you.

For the most part I enjoy being the youngest person in a staff of three hundred plus. But sometimes it can be a real disadvantage; older people have this thing with young people, and especially young men. I'm twenty-one and the next oldest person is twenty-six, but he is a teacher and football coach. I always get the feeling that my work is doubted, that my skills are not as good as someone 10 years older than me, and that sometimes my opinions just don't count, even though I have the same or even more experience than my older co-workers. I guess its just part of life, but I really wish I was a little more appreaciated, a little more trusted. Sometimes I get all down about this, and figure it's something I've done, but I realize it isn't. I know for the most part I have their respect, and I respect my co-workers greatly, but I think it is time for a little appreciation to be thrown around. I will make sure to give that same appreciation I want from my co-workers to them. I will make sure to really be different then them, or from the other "nice guys", I want them to see why I tick, why I have passion, who I live for. I do not deserve God's love, I don�t' deserve to feel so at peace when others have no clue, I don't deserve any of the things I have. God's love is so real to me, yet I am so disappointed in how I show and give that love to others. So, that's my goal from now until I leave. I want to be in the light, as he is in the light. I want my light to shine for all to see, I will not hide it. I live for Christ, but he died and took our sins for us, he felt our sins, he took our sins as a parent who takes hateful words from their child, and continues to love and provide.

It is through grace alone.

Great weekend, fun times. I have some serious stuff to blog, and cause some conversation here, but i'm too tired. So, here's to another lame post. Amen.

I am so tired today; I actually turned down going to a show tonight. I am excited to just stay at home, or go to a friend's house and just screw around! I think I might build a city, or raise a family or do something along those lines. Oh, yeah, sleep too. Maybe I should write my letter of leave request for work, maybe I should work on my final persuasive speech, and maybe I should do a lot of things. Fridays are the end of the week, therefore the end of my energy. Sorry boys and girls, this soldier is retiring for the day, or maybe two. Have a blessed weekend, and remember, your call is to honor God in all you do, that is his will for you.

PS!!!! I JUST GOT REALLY EXCITING NEWS!

One of the guys on our student senate at school, who dresses as a girl everyday, and is very open to his sexual orientation, accepted Christ! Now I just pray for God's Holy Spirit to prompt him into wanting to live a life which honors God. I pray that the other Christians on campus show God's love to him (and of course to everyone), I pray that me and others who have been praying for him, will have the courage to step and begin the discipleship process, and truly show him what it means to be Christian. There is a lot of work to be done. Oh God remove the enemy from Cascadia, your power alone is all we serve. Thank you Lord.

I need a serious accountability partner, one who is going to basically chew me up and down. One who can push me to be better, one who can physically get me moving, and keep me in line. This all stems from my lack of motivation and discipline, of which I basically have none. I become motivated only when it starts to mess with my everyday lifestyle. As for disciplined, I'm only disciplined when I have someone else to do go along with, either it be exercising, studying the bible, or simply getting up for work on time. These are some major areas I would like to improve upon, and I can't do it alone, I've tried and I'm failing miserably... I need help, now.

-= prayer =-

Lord Jesus,

Remove Satan's influence from my life, remove all evil from my friend's lives, let your power reign over all of us, and with your power have the evil flee from this world, and your light shine. God you are awesome, you are glorious, you are the powerful one, and you are the king. Holy Spirit be an even stronger voice in my life, and in the lives of all of the people I meet and talk to. Lord, I ask for you to provide me with an accountability partner who will strongly keep me following you, and I ask for you to help me provide him that same straight path. Holy Spirit fan the flames with in my soul, take control, burn fire burn. I ask for forgiveness from the sins I have committed directly against you, and I thank you for your forgiveness, and I ask for you to continue changing me, refine me in your fire. I have a lot of work to do for Poland, Lord I ask for monetary support, and I ask that you help me over come the anxiety of leaving my friends and all I know here at home. God, I love you, fill me up, protect me and all around me, all I want to do is glorify you, help me be a reflection of your love and light and freedom you bring to my life. Thank you Lord.

In Jesus' name,

So be it.

Here are some random thoughts I've been thinking about lately.

1) I'm tired of these people telling me to find the will of God, all children of God know God's will, he says it himself (well God uses Paul to say it):

See that no one pays back evil for evil, but always try to do good to each other and to everyone else.
Always be joyful. Keep on praying. No matter what happens, always be thankful, for this is God's will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.
Do not stifle the Holy Spirit. Do not scoff at prophecies, but test everything that is said. Hold on to what is good. Keep away from every kind of evil.
[1 Thessalonians 5:15-22].

You see, God's will is nothing more than honoring him with all we do. What ever we do, as long as we are honoring him, it is in his will. But don't take me wrong, God most definitely prompts us by opening doors and shutting them. It is great stuff, but don't worry, as long as you are honoring God, by loving, and hold onto what is good, then you are in God's will.

2) Everything you do, say, don't say affects those around you. Be careful, we as Christians are asked to be uplifting, not to tear down. Sometimes a brother or sister may need a reminder if he/she has done something which didn't honor God. But we must remember to do these things in love and not out anger because he/she makes Christianity look bad, but because it dishonor's god, not the institution.

3) We are all a part of the Church, the Church of Jesus Christ (no latter day saints here). We all worship the same Godhead, the same Holy Spirit works in our lives as it did in the Bible, the same Jesus will return in just as a dramatic way as he rose from the dead, the same God will lead us and love us through our lives. I am so blessed to have friends from many different "denominations", the great part is we all worship in our own styles, we have doctrinal differences, and we have different things close to our hearts. But one thing makes us all brothers and sisters, the blood of Christ, which set us free of the crap in this world. We just have to follow him with all our hearts, and love people as Jesus loves. We are spiritual beings, which is what makes us who we are.

Okay people, I screwed up on Saturday... so now I'm at day 2 again. Sad times, but I'm not as upset with myself as I thought I would be, I'm disappointed, but not mad, I realize that I'm moving forward. If there are any men out there dealing with this I suggest going to http://www.settingcaptivesfree.com it�s a great site with all kinds of resources. I've also heard good things about "Every young man's struggle" or "Every man's struggle", a couple of books dealing with sexual lust and sin. Another site I just found while searching for these resources is http://www.pureintimacy.org/, looks good, done by focus on the family.

So, I'm really tired right now, and all I really want to do is veg out so that's what I'm going to do. TTFN.

[2 Timothy 2:21-22]
If you keep yourself pure, you will be a utensil God can use for his purpose. Your life will be clean, and you will be ready for the Master to use you for every good work.
Run from anything that stimulates youthful lust. Follow anything that makes you want to do right. Pursue faith and love and peace, and enjoy the companionship of those who call on the Lord with pure hearts.

So, I have this problem with taking compliments sometimes... I realize I'm a little rude sometimes, I don't say thanks, and I either laugh at the person, or respond with some kind of humor. What's the deal with that? I'm still stuck with this image of my self in seventh grade, acne covered face, hair parted down the middle, almost the shortest person on campus, and kind of a loner (my two best friends at that time had decided to not be my friends at the start of the year). I know I'm nothing like that person anymore, I have confidence, and I can actually communicate with the opposite gender now, not to mention my own gender.

So, why can I not accept a compliment on my physical appearance? I know why I have a hard time letting people serve me, because I know I'm capable of doing whatever they are trying to help me with, or I know I can afford what ever their trying to pay for, I should just be grateful for these things, but instead I feel like I'm using them or something. But when it comes to my physical appearance, I usually don't believe them, I think they are just trying to be nice, because that's how it was in Junior High... oh wait, oh yeah I'm not in Junior High anymore... Duh... people are honest now... uh huh, right. I know that the majority of my friends really are honest, and would tell me if something looked bad on me, or would comment if I did my hair weird, since I'm always asking, I would hope they would actually care to let me know if it looked really bad, it wouldn't make me mad or sad, I would be glad. I guess I've just let the vain cosmopolitan world leak in... I don't obsess over it though, I really don't, I'll go to work or school knowing I look dead, but I don�t care. But if someone compliments me, then that's another story I care all of a sudden, is this real? So, I don't know, I need to realize that it is real. I like to look nice, I like to feel clean, and I like to be noticed, who doesn't? I just need to try and not make that something I worry about, for the most part I don't, but every once and while I do, and its not a good thing.

Paul's Thanks for Their Gifts [Philippians 4:10-20]

How grateful I am, and how I praise the Lord that you are concerned about me again. I know you have always been concerned for me, but for a while you didn't have the chance to help me. Not that I was ever in need, for I have learned how to get along happily whether I have much or little. I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little. For I can do everything with the help of Christ who gives me the strength I need. But even so, you have done well to share with me in my present difficulty.
As you know, you Philippians were the only ones who gave me financial help when I brought you the Good News and then traveled on from Macedonia. No other church did this. Even when I was in Thessalonica you sent help more than once. I don't say this because I want a gift from you. What I want is for you to receive a well-earned reward because of your kindness.
At the moment I have all I need--more than I need! I am generously supplied with the gifts you sent me with Epaphroditus. They are a sweet-smelling sacrifice that is acceptable to God and pleases him. And this same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from his glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus. Now glory be to God our Father forever and ever. Amen.

Last night I was with an awesome group of friends worshipping, talking, praying, having fun. In the middle of worship I realized something is happening, I'm hitting some kind of plateau, and I'm not really satisfied with it. I don't want to stop growing, yet I find myself not moving forward, and not really doing much about it. I'm getting really tired of being in this holding pattern; I have no patience for just sitting still and waiting; yet another sign of God teaching me to be patient.

I guess I should relate my life to a video game, when I'm playing any kind of video game (which I'm not a big video game player, but I do play at times) I like to look around, find all the secrets, get the most out of the gaming experience. But when it comes to my life I want to skip all that stuff and just move on, get it over with. Why I have this attitude with video games and not myself I have no idea. I like detail, but I'm not motivated to figure it out in my life unless it's at the last minute.

For we know that all creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. And even we Christians, although we have the Holy Spirit within us as a foretaste of future glory, also groan to be released from pain and suffering. We, too, wait anxiously for that day when God will give us our full rights as his children, including the new bodies he has promised us. Now that we are saved, we eagerly look forward to this freedom. For if you already have something, you don't need to hope for it. [Romans 8 22-24]

God is teaching me patience, and rightfully so. It seems this patience lesson is coming through by using my car, you see over the last month I have had much for my car or to my car�. "It's story time with Travis."

It starts out with getting a routine oil change, in which I take my car to Jiffy Lube for a "signature" oil change; you know the works; vacuum, check lights, top off the fluids, clean the windows. I notice over the next few hours how my car is acting a little funny, but I can't quite put my finger on it, then the next day I notice a whirring noise while I accelerate, and the infamous "check engine" light comes on, okay now I start to worry, what does the check engine light mean? Is it safe to drive? Is it just going to die on me? Come on give me more details then "Check engine"! So, I manage to leave work early and take the car back to Jiffy Lube where they take about two seconds to "check things over" and promptly tell me they don't see anything wrong, and they don�t have the computer to see what "check engine" light is all about., they suggest go to Subaru. So I beg and plead Subaru to look at it for me, because they said Monday was the earliest. I get to Subaru Service, and what do they say� "Um sir, your air filter is missing and the housing was not screwed into place", I laugh and then frown, because this means Jiffy Lube did not replace my air filter! So, Subaru replaces it, charges me $122.00 just to look at it and install a new filter, so I promptly go back to Jiffy Lube, and the guy behind the counter apologizes, then goes to the shop and yells at all his men, and gives them a stern talking to. Jiffy Lube a week later mails me a check for $122.00.

So a week later I get rear ended, not too badly, but there are some scratches to go along with the dent I already put in my bumper back in the fall. Everything seems okay, I call the police they come out; give us the papers to report the damage to our insurance companies, and all looks well. Until I call the other guys insurance company and it turns out he isn't a policy holder for All State, and so I call my insurance company and thankfully I can still claim the damage but I'll have to pay $300 instead of Zero, but that's better than the $500 they said I would need to pay if they couldn't find the guy at all. So I take my car into the body shop about another week later, they say "oh yeah, one day no problem". So my roommate and I go out to my parents house, I pick up my mom's car to drive for the day, and my roommate, driving my car, follows me out to the shop to drop my car off. The day the car is being worked on, I start heading back to the shop around 4:00pm, because they said it would be done around that time. On my way there I encounter the WSDOT (Washington State Department of Transportation) paving the highway I was using, and so I sat in construction for 25 min, just as I was beginning to move again, I get a phone call from the shop. "Were sorry but your car wont' be done until tomorrow because we had a problem with the part from Subaru"� I'm thinking to my self "What can go wrong w/ a bumper cover?" and "Great now I have to drive back through this mess", but thankfully the friend who was going to help me get my car and follow me back to my parent's to take my mom's car back, hung out w/ me the rest of the day. That was fun. So the next day, the car was finished, it looked sweet. My friend Matt offered to help me do the car switch back to my parents; upon arrival of my parent's house I discover that the security system in my car isn't working right, great, just great another problem with the car.

So the next day, I take the car back to the shop, tell them what's going on, they take a look, and they can't figure it out. So they suggest take it to Subaru, so I call Subaru, they ask a few questions, "is your security light flashing fast", answer "YES", solution "Turn the car off, open the driver's door, hold the 'unlock' button for 5 seconds".. I say "okay". I do, and now problem fixed, two days of a security system not working all because the car was in "valet" mode!

So, now I make one more claim to the insurance company because my windshield has been cracked for quite some time now, and the driver's side fog lamp has been busted for about the same time. Thankfully because they were busted at the same "event" it's one deductible, of only $100 for both the windshield and fog lamp. The fog lamp it self is like $175! So, I make an appointment to have my windshield repaired the day after I was suppose to have my car back from the shop, well that didn't happen so I had to reschedule (a lot of things actually), but it worked out and I had the windshield scheduled for Friday. They come out, tell me all about the procedures for replacing the windshield, to not slam my doors, etc, etc� Then I get a call at my desk, the new windshield basically folded on its self when he installed it, and they don�t have a replacement on hand until Saturday. Great, so now I have this huge crack, with chunks on my dashboard and everything, through my windshield, on the driver's side. I'm thinking to myself, what else could go wrong w/ this car. So the next day he comes out, replaces the windshield everything is good.

So, I call Subaru to schedule a time to replace the fog lamp, which was supposed to be today. I get there, and I'm sitting in the waiting room for about 30 min before they come out to tell me they don't have a fog lamp in stock, and need to order one and it will take probably until next week, maybe Friday, but no sooner. Thanks, thanks for letting me sit for 30 min before finding out you didn't have the part in stock! But that's okay... I said and went on with my day.

Had this been a few years ago, I would have been so upset at Jiffy lube I would have blown a cork, I would have demanded a rental car from the shop, and driven back to the Auto Glass shop to have a windshield put on right away, and told Subaru to order a new fog lamp express shipping, but I've learned, be patient, things work out, and it really doesn't make a difference when it happens. And you know what, each person I came in contact with who had to give me the bad news, thanked me for my patience� If they only knew what I was thinking� thankfully I can control my tong and attitude, most of the time. I had times of frustration, and certainly my friends saw that, especially the security system problem, I don't know why, but that really irked me. I'm beginning to wonder if people just don't know how to work on my car, or what the deal is... but Patience really is a virtue. Thank God.

I�m feeling quite good about my self right now, and I know its because I�m doing the best I can to honor God with all my actions. I had a tough time this morning, but that�s okay I�m moving on. I�m on day 13, almost two weeks, it�s getting harder but I�m holding on. I�ve realized that my real passion is not evangelism but discipleship, I want nothing more but for people to grow closer and closer to God. Sure I love seeing people except Christ for the first time, but I want to be part of the process, which changes their lives. I know God is using me to help train, and show people who God really is. I�ve never been all that great in brining people actually to Christ, but I can surely take a person from that decision in their lives and make it real to them. I know I can because God has shown me that, although for the past two years I was wrapped up in trying to bring others to him, he has called me to helping others get to him closer, which brings me closer and closer to him. The best way to learn something is to teach something.

If you are wise and understand God's ways, live a life of steady goodness so that only good deeds will pour forth. And if you don't brag about the good you do, then you will be truly wise! But if you are bitterly jealous and there is selfish ambition in your hearts, don't brag about being wise. That is the worst kind of lie. For jealousy and selfishness are not God's kind of wisdom. Such things are earthly, unspiritual, and motivated by the Devil. For wherever there is jealousy and selfish ambition, there you will find disorder and every kind of evil.
But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure. It is also peace loving, gentle at all times, and willing to yield to others. It is full of mercy and good deeds. It shows no partiality and is always sincere. And those who are peacemakers will plant seeds of peace and reap a harvest of goodness.
[James 3:13-18]

PS. Any thoughts on the new color scheme? I'm not too sure, so let me know... thanks!

I'm chasing after you with all my heart.
Not knowing where I'll go next.
All I want to do, is please you with every thing I do.
Today I live for you, that's all that matters now.

Tell me where I can find you.
Tell me where that secret place is.
Tell me how to just be with you.
Tell me why they don't understand.

I'm running to find that place.
I'm stuck in this holding pattern.
I don't know how it's going to work.
For all I know it's in your face.

Tell me
Tell me
Tell me
I want to know

You are here when I stop.
You are here when I'm quite.
Only you can tell me,
I just need to listen.
Need to listen.

And by the way day 12 has cleared w/ a bit of struggle yesterday, but I kept clear.

Very good article: "Why I don't go to church anymore" . It's kind of long, but give it a good read, it has awesome points. I myself love my "church", but the church is the entire body of Christ, so I think a new terminology is needed, I love my "Extension of Christ"... or my "Piece of the body"... I dunno. Get the point?

So, you want to know what's been on my heart lately? Well as some of you may have noticed, I've been counting the days I've stayed pure, and it's been really great, and incase your wondering I've happily cleared day nine. Although I have been struggling with images in my mind, I wish I could just delete the crap I've put in my head, but I realize its going to get into my head if I try or not; but the more I cut off the better, and less stuff to create things images in my head.

Now, for the hard part, since I believe if someone professes their sins, they can be rid of that sin, I will explain a little more about this problem of mine. I struggle with homosexuality (it took me 10 min to type that). I am 100% convinced it is a sin, I am upset with my self every time I have the urge, the desire, or even any thought, because I know it is wrong, I know it does not honor God in anyway, neither does heterosexual lust. All sin is the same, the difference is weather or not you change from your sinful lives, I want more than anything to honor God, and to do this I must change (or repent) of my sins. The Holy Spirit has worked in my life, I can not tell you Homosexuality is not a sin, it is, but it is like any other, if you live in sin, you dishonor God. Any lust outside of your marriage does not honor God; even in your marriage it's possible to dishonor God. Now I can't ever imagine being "in love" with another man, that I have never even wanted or desired, I believe because my first sexual encounter was sexual abuse from another male, I for some reason have physical attraction to other males. But that's all it is; physical, second to God, my next desire is to marry a women of God and have children to raise in his ways. I have no desire to have any kind of relationship, besides friendships, with males. All I want is to rid my self of the sexual, lustful urges I get. So, now that I've poured out my heart, let the healing begin. I know God is good, all the time, God is good.

And their prayer offered in faith will heal the sick, and the Lord will make them well. And anyone who has committed sins will be forgiven.
Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and wonderful results. Elijah was as human as we are, and yet when he prayed earnestly that no rain would fall, none fell for the next three and a half years!
[James 5:15-17]

If we say we have no sin, we are only fooling ourselves and refusing to accept the truth. But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us and to cleanse us from every wrong. If we claim we have not sinned, we are calling God a liar and showing that his word has no place in our hearts.
[1 John 1:8-10]

-= prayers =-

- To remove all temptation from my life, and to have these urges and desires change into healthy God honoring ones
- For my friends who are in any kind of relationship, to keep Christ in the center, and to seek him first
- For a roommate
- For financial support for Poland

-= praises =-

- God is helping me become bolder, so I can serve him more
- I can worship freely
- Gods presence is with me

Yeah baby day eight!

Well maybe that has something to do with the fact I've been too busy to even breathe at some points, and I've been dogged down with this nasty cold, but that's okay� just 82 days to go until, according to the experts, I'll have formed a habit.

One day as the crowds were gathering, Jesus went up the mountainside with his disciples and sat down to teach them.

This is what he taught them:

"God blesses those who realize their need for him, for the Kingdom of Heaven is given to them. God blesses those who mourn, for they will be comforted. God blesses those who are gentle and lowly, for the whole earth will belong to them. God blesses those who are hungry and thirsty for justice, for they will receive it in full. God blesses those who are merciful, for they will be shown mercy. God blesses those whose hearts are pure, for they will see God. God blesses those who work for peace, for they will be called the children of God. God blesses those who are persecuted because they live for God, for the Kingdom of Heaven is theirs.
"God blesses you when you are mocked and persecuted and lied about because you are my followers. Be happy about it! Be very glad! For a great reward awaits you in heaven. And remember, the ancient prophets were persecuted, too.
[Mathew 5:1-12]

So, I've been thinking a lot about how attitude can affect just about everything. The other night I was in a meeting, and I just had no motivation to do anything, homework, help plan, eat, sleep, be nice, I was just exhausted. So, I prayed for my attitude to change, I prayed that the Holy Spirit just remind me of the amazing things God does for me. I need to sacrifice my self, because this is an unjust world, but God is not, God is Just, and his kingdom will reign forever.

-= prayers =-

- Be motivated at work, remember to follow through on things and to be a servant
- Financial support for Poland
- Have the time to get support letters out to people
- That each of my friends truly look to God for everything, and sacrifice themselves to be his servant
- For my friends who are in relationships seek God first, and his will and calling, that they realize the things which do not honor God, and do not honor the other person in the relationship
- Leadership for CRU next year at Cascadia
- That I can be a truly different person who lives for God and shows it in everything I do, that I don't fall into a pattern
- That I can truly be there for people and serve them, and that God uses me to better his Kingdom

-= praises=-

- That I have absolutely amazing friends who are searching after God
- I live in the United States, everyday I realize this is a huge blessing, even our poor and homeless have opportunities, that other nations do not
- Times of worship where I can feel God's spirit in mine
- For all the people God has put in my life, every single person who does anything with me

Sorry, i've been a little busy since I got back from the weekend fun. I have a lot to say, so hopefully tomorrow (actually today...) i'll update. I hope everything is good.

"So I tell you, don't worry about everyday life--whether you have enough food, drink, and clothes. Doesn't life consist of more than food and clothing? Look at the birds. They don't need to plant or harvest or put food in barns because your heavenly Father feeds them. And you are far more valuable to him than they are. Can all your worries add a single moment to your life? Of course not.
"And why worry about your clothes? Look at the lilies and how they grow. They don't work or make their clothing, yet Solomon in all his glory was not dressed as beautifully as they are. And if God cares so wonderfully for flowers that are here today and gone tomorrow, won't he more surely care for you? You have so little faith!
"So don't worry about having enough food or drink or clothing. Why be like the pagans who are so deeply concerned about these things? Your heavenly Father already knows all your needs, and he will give you all you need from day to day if you live for him and make the Kingdom of God your primary concern.
"So don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today's trouble is enough for today.
[Mathew 6:25-34]

How does one stay motivated? I find it really hard sometimes to be motivated to do anything, especially recently with this Poland trip coming up, I just feel like I'm "killing time". I'm not sure if I will really feel like I'm moving until I'm leaving on that jet plane. I know I need to get motivated soon though, because I have a lot to take care of before I leave. I think my problem right now is that I'm looking too closely at the future instead of right now. Right now I need to print up support letters, and thank you letters, I need to investigate health insurance while I'm in Poland, I need to email the missionaries there with an update on my finances and ask a few questions, I need to talk to people at my church, I've got a lot to do. But I also have school, campus crusade, looking for a new roommate, and work to worry about in the mean time, that, you would think, would keep me motivated, but it doesn't. I'm a fairly independent person so I think that I can do it without much help from others, which in reality is not true at all. I guess I really need to focus on my patience, I need some big time.

On another topic�

How do you become comfortable around people who, for some un-apparent reason, you just feel awkward talking to? I sometimes have a hard time feeling comfortable around other people who are physically taller and bigger than myself� I don't show it, but I never feel like I'm talking normal to them, like I need to somehow prove my self. Now of course I'm referring to actual people in my life, but names wouldn't do anything, so I'm leaving them out. I guess some people just make me feel like they are watching every move I make, every step I take, and criticizing it, I usually don't have any problem with this, except that in this case I don't know what they are thinking� The great thing is, these people are offering all kinds of help to me, so that's great, I just need to realize that I do need help, and I can use it. Be thankful Travis, be grateful!

By the way it is day 3 of not falling, this is a winning streak for me as of lately!

PS. I will be camping this weekend, so I probably won't be bloggin until Sunday afternoon or evening. Have a great weekend!

When I'm alone I fall. When I'm alone I fail. When I'm alone I grow weak. What am I talking about? Sin, I fall in the temptation of sin when I�m alone, it's been maybe a day or two since I've actually committed the sin, which for the past few weeks is good. I don't know what it is about sexual sin, which makes it seem so much worse than any other sin, because I know it is not. But I guess for me it's been one of the hardest to conquer, or attempt to conquer. I'm sure my past has caused me to be more susceptible to falling, but I know that I have my own responsibility for taking care of it. I must keep on asking for forgiveness, attempting to change (repent), and pray for God to lead me from the temptation when it occurs.

I'm actually typing this blog entry as a way to stay away from that which tempts me to fall into this sin. I have worship music playing, and my bible near by. I really need to spend a lot more time in the word; I spend very little of my day in his word. I know I need to know who God is more; I want to know God more. I have come to this point in my walk that unless I take reading his word seriously I'm just going to stagnate.

I've realized that some people see me as some kind of super Christian� that is almost an insult, I know it's not meant that way, but I try so hard to make people realize I'm human, I fall, I make mistakes, I'm not perfect� Christians are not perfect, we can never be perfect, we can only strive to follow Christ, and following Christ means giving up things, sacrificing our will, our plans for his. I know I have a strong way of letting someone know when I don't approve of something, but this is because I love you, not because I want you to feel condemned. I have a strong sense of discernment, I can feel right and wrong, but I can't always explain it, I'm working on this, keep it in prayer. His plans and will for our lives are so much more rewarding, it is amazing, and maybe it's the reason some see me as a "super Christian", thanks but, no thanks.

Since i'm sort of on the subject of lust, sexual sin, and the such... here is what people on "one word" wrote about the word "lust".

[Galatians 5:5-6]
But we who live by the Spirit eagerly wait to receive everything promised to us who are right with God through faith. For when we place our faith in Christ Jesus, it makes no difference to God whether we are circumcised or not circumcised. What is important is faith expressing itself in love.

-= Prayer requests =-
Poland Financial support, I'm leaving in four months!
Relationships with my family
PATIENCE
Recognize and destroy temptations in my life
To just be real
When I'm bored, and alone, to seek God not others or things
Be delivered of the things of my past

-= Praises =-
I know God's (current) plan for me
I�m confident in my self (constant struggle)
ALL of my friends are awesome, with out them I would not be who I am today!
My church family, I love it, I love the people, and I know God is with them
God is awesome

Do you ever have times where the future just seems to be laid ahead of you? Well I know I have never really seen it quite as clearly as I do right now. The thing about this path is that it requires a lot of resources, makes me depend on the outcomes of other people�s paths, and most of all is at least a year and a half out. But I know these things for sure�.

1) I will experience God more than I have ever before.
2) I will learn to depend on God and others more, I have been very independent up until now.
3) I will finally be equipped to fulfill my passions.
4) I will learn all about world cultures and religions, and have that under myself when I�m talking with others.

Now of course, depending on what happens with other people the plan can change. But I am confident the overall outcomes will be the same even if the medium in which it is to happen changes. This plans, however it may turn out is going to require a lot of patience on my part, and a lot of sacrifice, but I think I�m prepared.

[Jeremiah 29:11]
11 For I know the plans I have for you, says the LORD. They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.

What does it mean to be a witness?

Because I could talk about this for days, since it is one of my biggest passions, I'm going to simply list what I think a Christian witness is, should be, is not, and why.

A Christian witness is a follower of Christ; this means�

o He/she tries with all their heart, mind, and soul to do as Jesus Christ exampled for us.

o Show respect for others, even when they do not deserve the respect

o Attempt to communicate effectively your feelings to others, attempt to not lose your temper

o Live your life in such a way, that people know you have integrity, honor and can give you respect, because you respect them and your God

o In public, if you do something which does not honor God, make an attempt to correct the problem, before those who witnessed you doing that action, saying that word or phrase of dishonor, coin you as a hypocrite along with the rest of Christianity. We are one body, if one part screws up and does not correct the problem, then we all suffer.

o If he/she is caught in a pattern of sin, and another Christian points this out to them (in a loving respectful manner), the person in question will prayerfully change their ways, and possibly seek help

o The actions and words you speak affect people, think about them, how will this action or word(s) affect the people around me?

o Update 5/5/03 Even when you are with your friends, family, at work, continue to show Love, encouragement, with your words and actions.

There are many different situations people can get themselves into trouble, where you might lose your anger, say something mean, do something wrong; but I can guarantee that if you are trying to honor God, and respect all humans around you, you will begin to live a life which honors God, and therefore you will be rewarded, maybe not here on Earth, but for sure with God.

I encourage any Christian to study the Sermon on the Mount (Mathew 5, 6 and 7). These are the words from Christ himself on how to live a life of honor, integrity and respect. They are not easy, you will fail at times, but the heart of the matter is your heart. Where is your heart, with God, with people, or with the world?

[Mathew 5:14-16]
You are the light of the world � like a city on a mountain, glowing in the night for all to see. Don't hide your light under a basket! Instead, put it on a stand and let it shine for all. In the same way, let your good deeds shine out for all to see, so that everyone will praise your heavenly Father.

I love my home state.

So I decided to join a few of my friends in a "little" road trip to Kennewick, WA to see Jordan Munoz open for Delirious. Why? Because I love Jordan, and Delirious! So, for those who do not know how far Kennewick is from my home, which is in Woodinville, WA, it is about four hours going 75mph the entire way. We left Bothell (right next door to home) at about 3:30pm, and arrived at the Tri Cities coliseum at 7:30, right as they were introducing Jordan and the band. Jordan rocked the place, and a cool little surprise happened too... The worship pastor from my church played with Jordan and company one of my favorite worship songs, which he wrote, it was AMAZING... ABSOLUTELY AMAZING. People, do you understand what I mean? No I don't think you do... God's spirit was so incredibly strong; I felt like God had his arms wrapped right around us.

Delirious was awesome too of course, but that's a given.

So, we decided to boogie it out of Kennewick, but my great older and wiser friend, Josh, decided to take "another way"... well we took another way... Nearly to Portland, OR! But God's beauty, wonder, and power was so awesome out in the hills, and mountains of southern Washington. We counted more than 35 elk and deer along the way, at some points we were driving very carefully so as not to hit one of them. The stars were so incredibly bright... as soon as I get the picture I will post them. God was with us the entire night, I kid you not, right as I was praying for his protection so that we wouldn't run into any of the deer or other woodland creatures, a small herd of deer crossed in front of us, but God totally saved the day. We ended up driving through Mt. Rainier national park, the very majestic mountain I see everyday just hovering it's beauty over the city of Seattle... We were driving right on top of it (well at least, right around it). God, I love this place! It is so beautiful! God is so good, so good.