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Saturday, December 28, 2002

*** Amendment 01/02/03 ****
This post is not about anyone who actualy reads my blog, it is about a friend who does not attend a school anywhere in the Seattle Metro area. I was actually offended and hurt that people would jump to the conclusion that I would write so blatently about someone as if I had no back ground information, no thought as to how someone would feel, and no wisdom from God. I have never used names in my Blog, and I never will, but this particular post was made very vauge because the details are not for me to announce, and I do have to say (now) that it did resemble a very different situation, but it was a coincidence.

Well here I sit in my bed. Today we take off for the CRU winter conference, I am so excited but in a mess of frustration, a really awesome friend of mine is being waylaid (in my opinion and experience) by Satan, and may not be able to go. This conference last year changed my life, and I know everyone always hears of things like this, but this truly did happen, all the seminars in the world couldn't add up to the importance of this conference last year. This isn't just a "retreat" in fact I am trying to steer away from calling it that; it is a conference of God. 1000 College students from the Pacific Northwest gathering to worship and learn and discuss God! How awesome could that be? If I knew a better word for awesome I would use it! Well I�m almost ready to get ready for the day, have a great time; I�ll be back on the 1st! Great times will be! Thank you Lord!

Thursday, December 26, 2002

Talk about DREAMS!

UW - Dorms, Weird Smoke, blocking all the air, people dieing... emergency radio alert...etc.etc.

Okay so a few days ago I had this dream.

I was in "my" dorm room at the University of Washington (I�ve always wanted to go there, but never have, I�m stuck in community college), talking to who was apparently my roommate, then all of a sudden we were down in a large grassy field (much like the fields of the "shire" in the Lord of The Rings) playing football (I hardly ever play football) with a bunch of guys and friends (some of which I currently know, but at this point I don't remember who they were now). The buildings were not actual UW dorm halls, and I have no idea where on campus we were since there seemed to be just acres and acres of grass fields and trees. I remember it was like a mid-spring day, it was gorgeous, the sun was out and it was a comfortable temperature.

Then all of a sudden a city-wide alarm went off, and that emergency alert system alarm was going off on the radios, and we all looked up and saw smoke rising up from the downtown area of Seattle. It was suddenly a very scary looking sun-set type of sky, it was a horrible sight, and it was freaking everyone out, I remember running up the stairs of my "dorm" building and going into my room, turning on the TV. Then all of a sudden everyone started to duck tape the windows and doors, I started to also. Then I noticed everyone dropping dead around me. Then I turned to watch the TV in horror as the local news channel disappeared and went to snow. Then I woke up. The end... grrr what a confusing dream!

So today was Jesus' birthday! Yay! My Mom's family is pretty good. No one gets drunk, there is no arguing mostly people just are happy... But they surely don't celebrate CHRISTmas for the Christ part of it... now they may think they do in "spirit" but they do not truly understand his love (except for my grandparents, and my mom to a point). I love them all though, and I just wish I could actually talk to them about Christ, I just wish I would always be able to bring up Christ, in such a way that they would question everything, that they would want to fill that hole w/ love from God! I so badly want this more than anything else in the world! I just want to be able to radiate Christ's love in everything I do, and in everything I say! I am so FRUSTRATED!!!! I only want to love people like he did, and have people see that!! I have such a confidence problem, such a problem with being touched, LORD I PRAY THAT THIS BE REMOVED!!! Okay... ahhh, I�m so mad at myself.

.: prayers, prayer requests :.

Oh God! All I ask is for you to remove the "touch" issues, remove the "confidence" issues, remove Satan from my life, and remove these sin traps from my life!! I only want to live for you! ONLY! I also ask for you to bring people into the lives of my co-workers, my family and my friends to bring them closer to you and for them to know your love!

Witnessing... [2 Timothy 1:5-8]

5 I know that you sincerely trust the Lord, for you have the faith of your mother, Eunice, and your grandmother, Lois. 6 This is why I remind you to fan into flames the spiritual gift God gave you when I laid my hands on you. 7 For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline. 8 So you must never be ashamed to tell others about our Lord. And don't be ashamed of me, either, even though I'm in prison for Christ. With the strength God gives you, be ready to suffer with me for the proclamation of the Good News.

Tuesday, December 24, 2002

** Please read the post below this first **

So I decided to take the "Why are you still single?" test on emode.com and this is what it said...

Travis, you're single because you don't want to settle...

You, more than others, have a fairy tale fantasy of how things should be. Ever since you were a kid, you've probably dreamed of the perfect wedding, coming home to a white picket fence, dog, and 2.2 kids (how does that work, anyway?). When someone asks what you're looking for, you don't skip a beat: You're likely to have a handy checklist that details your perfect partner. Hair and eye color, height, religion, education, career, interests, the list goes on.

While it's great to have standards � Hey, you shouldn't have to settle, after all � there's one slight glitch in your master plan: No one has made the grade in real life � at least not yet. Next time you're out with someone, keep yourself from mentally checking that list, and give love � and others � a chance. That special someone who you've written off may be perfect for you after all...


So for the most part this is true. There are a few things I will not deny though, who ever I date/marry/even to be slightly intrested, must Love Jesus! I truly believe that someone is out there to meet the grade, God will bring her. But it's not as strict as it seems, basically here they are:

1. Must love Jesus with all her heart, mind and soul.
2. Must love others as Jesus does with her heart, mind and soul.
3. Must love worshiping God in song and action.
4. Must like music of all kinds.
5. Has to be called to a "compatible" life, IE. I'm being called to evangelism in Seattle, she must be called to something which doesn't conflict.
6. I of course have to be attracted to her (the "types" very a lot, so don't worry, it's not an abercrombie girl) and be around my height or shorter.
7. God approves.

Looking into your eyes I see the rest of me.
You complete me in every way I need.
Because of you I continue to grow.
Your touch is amazing.

And you complete me.
You fill me up.
You strengthen me.
All of you is what I need.

When your down,
I'll be there.
I'll look into your eyes,
to comfort you.

Jesus is real.
He is our center.
I love you for him.
Keep it real.

And you complete me.
You fill me up.
You strengthen me.
All of you is what I need.

You are everything this world can offer.
Everything else can not come close.
Thank God for you.
What else would I do.

Thank you God.
Thank you God.
Thank you.

Monday, December 23, 2002

Tired, Just, Need.

I'm tired.
I'm tired of petty people issues.
I'm tired of "nitpicking".

Just do it.
Just go and tell the person.
Just have confidence.

I need to speak up.
I need someone to be acountable.
I need to listen to God even more than ever.

Saturday, December 21, 2002

I have one prayer. I have friends, they need to feel God's true love, they know God, but they don't see him in everything. They need to see him; they also need to guard their hearts, not only from the opposite sex, but from the things which hurt. They need to realize that God has taken away those things, they those things can not hurt them again, and they only continue to hurt because they have held onto those things in some way. I also have this same problem, I continue to hold onto these things that hurt, because it is all I know, I did not know the truth, I still continue to turn to those things rather than God. This is why we must always seek to know God and his truth. I ask all of these things in Jesus' name. Thank you Lord, thank you Friends, thank you to all who pray these things and who also struggle with them. God is good all the time; I want to always seek him, which is my ultimate goal.

Friday, December 20, 2002

Knowing your love.

I know your love when I'm looking into the eyes of a child. I know your love when I�m looking up at the cosmos. I know your love when I can be content with my life. Your love is the warmth that I feel. Your love is love that can not be broken. Love from you is never ending, never inconsistent and never conditional. Love from you is amazing. Knowing your love is what keeps me sane. Knowing your love helps me with all that I do. Knowing your love is what I love. I hear your love in the voices of people, broken, happy, sad, ill, void of hope, I hear your love if it�s there or not there I hear your love. I see your love in all of your creation, your people, your trees, your grass, your rain, your snow, your everything. With out your love, I don�t know what I would do, I don�t know how I survived before your love. Only with you can I move on now. Only you are love. For me, your love is felt most through worshiping you with my spirit, soul, voice, mind, actions, and emotions.

Thursday, December 19, 2002

Dear Jesus,

What was it like to be here on earth? What did you really look like? When are you coming back? Why will/do some people refuse to believe of you? I want to know you more! What will it be like to be with you forever? I want everyone to know you even more than I do! Lord, how can I help? Why do we have to do the job? I know that all of these questions can be found in faith and knowledge in your word, but i'm lazy I want to know now! But I will wait, for I understand that paitiance is important. You have given me so much! Why? To worship you is to have the smallest hint of what heaven will be, I want to worship you by my actions, what I say, what produce, in my relationships, I want to not only worship you in song, but in everything else! I want to worship you with my entire life! Only then, will I continue to constantly enjoy you, otherwise the instant I forget my main goal, which is to live for you, and to love others as you do, the world as you designed it will eat me alive. But I have this one last hope, you will never leave me, I can leave you, but you won't leave me and I believe since I truly believe and follow you with all my heart I can not leave you, why!?!? That would be just stupid.

In your awesome name,


Travis

Dear God,

You are amazing. You fill me up with joy which is unimaginable. Your love overflows my soul. I�ve been afraid of changing, but I slowly understand why it is necessary. I am getting older, wiser, and I have more questions than ever before. Thank you Jesus for this amazing life you have given me. Thank you Jesus for my friends. Thank you Jesus for my family. Thank you Jesus for everything. I have been deeply touched by the friends you have given me, I love them so much. Thank you.

I love you.

Love,

Travis

Tuesday, December 17, 2002

Falling to Temptation.

I'm going crazy.
Temptation is huge.
I've been so strong.
But the more I remain strong;
The stronger the Temptation!

Pray for me.
Help!

Another one of those personality tests... To see my real personality I suggest you read the rest of my blog...

This is the inkblog test from www.emode.com.

Travis, your unconscious mind is driven most by Imagination

This means you have a deep desire to use innovative ideas to enhance your life and influence the world around you. This drive influences you far more than you may realize on a conscious level.

Your need to be innovative drives how you look at new opportunities and the kinds of experiences in life you choose to have. On an unconscious level, the reason you may be so driven by imagination is your fear of destruction, the opposite of creation. When you are unable to create due to restrictions imposed by your environment or even ones you unwittingly impose on yourself, do you feel trapped or confined? You may find these feelings of unease only get better when you find another outlet for your imagination.

With such a strong creative orientation, you are willing to entertain a broad spectrum of ideas at any given time. The world is a fuller, richer place because you can contribute new ideas to any experience. Your natural curiosity inspires those around you and encourages them to come up with ideas they wouldn't have thought of without your help.

Though your unconscious mind is driven most strongly by Imagination, there is much more to who you are at your core.

Monday, December 16, 2002

Once there was this boy

He was born into a "normal" American household,
Normal looking that is.
The boy's father was alcoholic,
The boy's father tried to hit the boy.
The boy's mother left his father,
They soon divorced
But first another child was conceived by another man.

This second child's father left soon after his birth.
The boy and his new brother along with their mother lived on well-fare.
Then came along another man,
Who would wed this mother and take in these boys.

So the boy, his brother and his mom along with his new step father moved to the small town.
Here the boy eventually went to preschool.
Visited his birth father on the weekends.
He met a good friend in this preschool,
This friend was a girl, a girl in deed.

Soon the boy went to kindergarten in what was then a small school,
In a small town, in a large valley.
The boy's birth father died that year,
His burial included the 21 gun salute, and the American flag handed to the boy,
The boy was petrified by the uniformed men who handed him the red, white and blue flag folded into a triangle.
This was the end of an era for the boy.

The boy was soon transferred to a brand new school only a few miles from home.
Here he met, and made many new friends,
Only one would last.
Another would impact his life forever.

He left that school to enter middle school.
In those years the good, the bad, and the ugly appeared.
The good - more friends.
The bad - a friend taking the boy's trust, abusing his kindness, and his love.
The ugly - a "friend" discovering his sexuality with the boy.
In those years, it was dark.

Three long years of finding ones path,
The boy was lost,
The boy was broken,
And the boy needed a true friend.

The boy grows up,
He enters high School.
High school treats him well he's now been playing music for four years.
In fact music becomes his passion, he learns, he plays, he has fun.
But, the boy's parents have only been to one concert, his first, back in grade school.
The boy decides to join other activities,
Cross country and track,
He runs from life.

The boy is confused,
Sexual desires,
All messed up,
What shall he do?
He does not know.

The ugly friend leaves the boy's life,
Thank God, is there a God?
His friend from preschool, she's back.
They become the best of friends again.
Life is good, but sin is in.

The boy's preschool friend,
Claims she's found God.
God, how could this be?
You can't "find" God.

The boy's parents
They love him.
They teach him.
But he desires more.
His parents teach at him,
Of the ways of the good book.
But, it's religion.
The boy is not inrested in religion,
It's fake, it not real, it's not tangible.
It does not touch.

The preschool friend,
She's real, she sees God.
The boy wants to see God.
He wants God.
He wants unconditional love.

The boy's parents see their last concert of his,
Seven years and they have seen two concerts.
3 years of high school sports, they see none.
Where is the love, he knows it, but he doesn't see it the way he wants.

The preschool friend invites the boy to her God's school.
He takes six months to finally make a visit.
He's scared, confused, but drawn to what he sees.
The teachers in this school are much different.
They too have real lives,
They are not religious!

The boy makes new friends in this school of God.
These friends have the knowledge of God.
The teachers know God personally.
The teachers have God.
The boy wants to know God.
The boy wants to have God.

The new friends from this new school go on a trip,
The boy decides to go too, but his preschool friend can not,
The boy goes anyway.
The boy sees the true love of God, his people, and his students.
He believes, he knows there is a God.
But he still doesn't know God personally.

The sin continues in his life,
He's confused, sexual desires, boys, girls.
The boy does not know anything else, but what the ugly one did.

The boy is in a dark world,
A world full of hate,
A world of no love,
A world where God is a four letter word.

The boy is at this school of God's.
He listens to the music, the words, the people
He then for the first time hears God's voice.
The boys will follow God,
Step by step,
He will follow God all of his days.

The boy steps out of the black void, and into the light.
He's met God.
He knows God.
He now wants to know God's plan,
And will for him.

He continues to fall,
But now he knows he's forgiven.
He tries to turn around now.
He wants to change now.
For he loves God, and God loves him.

He moves on,
He moves out,
He's in college now.
He has a new pack now.
He leads a pack, he's a teacher and student of God now

He's left his first school of God now,
But that's okay; he still loves those people,
And they still love him.
God is good, all the time, all the time, God is good.

He's in a new town now,
He's got new friends now,
But he seeks God, his friends do too.
He's got a new school of God,
It's full of people just like him.

Life can still be hard,
But God is there all the time.
Life may bite, but God heals that wound.
The boy knows this, he fully accepted it.
For the condition of the boy's heart is for God alone,
No one can destroy that, take it away, or abuse that.
That is why the boy has the life he has.

The boy did nothing except ask for God's son to take control of his life.
God did everything else.

And another thought by Travis...

I am an introvert in a group of extraverts and I am an extravert in a group of introverts.

I am happy with this, case closed on the "I�m not in the pictures, I�m not in the stories� blog.

Sunday, December 15, 2002

I have nothing profound to say except this.

"Grr on it. Profound words from Travis."

I want to say more, but I can't think of anything right now. I had a blast tonight. I still love Jesus, and that's what's important. I do not want to go to work in the morning, actually I don't want to go all week, I don't want to go the rest of the month. Hmmm... that's a problem, big problem.

Friends.

Friends are forever if the Lord is the Lord of them... I believe this is so true in ALL relationships. If Jesus is the Lord of your life and, the center of your relationships with people then you NEVER should have to worry about those relationships going bad. Now we are all human, we all make mistakes, but as a Christian we know these things, we continue to love people for those reasons. I Love every one of my friends more every day! I may get annoyed or upset with someone but I still love the person, I will never get mad at someone enough to drop them as a friend, I will keep on loving, seeking, and wanting to grow with that person forever. This is all true because these are all the things that God does in our lives, he will always continue to seek after you, grow after you and love you forever no matter what you do. I will always do the same for him, and the same with all my friends! I love everyone. So just remember that I love all of you, and I will always love you no matter what you do to me, or how I act, or whatever.

Now onto another subject.

Am I untouchable? Do I put of this "don't touch me" aura? I'm just wondering... It just seems that sometimes everyone else gets a hug and I get a handshake... sometimes not even a handshake. I know I have issues in this area, but I don't know how to stop it. It really hurts to see others get hugs and for other guys to be flirted with, and i'm just kind of ignored, or just smiled at... do I smell? (j/k) I mean, what is it? This is really bothering me, I may not ever actually talk about this, because sometimes I feel like it's in my head.... A lot of the time I feel awkward when I go to hug someone, and a lot of times i'm an idiot and I shove my shoulder up someones nose, or something stupid like that. There have been a few times where I have gone home almost crying because everyone else had the hugs except me... :( Now I know a lot of this might be me being over analyzing... but I think there are some valid points. Please help me in knowing this. I mean, sheesh something... Like I said I know I have issues in this area, I feel really awkward with girls, mostly because I don't really want them to think I like them more, or i'm afraid they'll think I like them, and reject me, as a friend or boyfriend, doesn't matter they'll just reject because i'm ugly or something. There's a lot of other reasons i'm messed up in this area, I just pray that it's resolved soon, and i'm writing all of this so that you'll all know, and that maybe you might understand. I've been told before that I do put off a "don't want to be touched" type of thing... I really don't mean to! I have no idea why this comes out... some sort of defense mechanism I think, but I don't like it! So, never feel afraid to hug or touch me... I want to work in this area, i'll never reject it... I like (not in that way you sicko!) it. This is one of my next goals, is to figure this thing out, please help, if you want. :-) I love you!

Friday, December 13, 2002

Like A Child
Dear God, surround me as I speak,
I ask for this everyday
the bridges that I walk across are weak
This would be my job
Frustrations fill the void that I can't solely bear
This would also be my job
Dear God, don't let me fall apart,
I also ask for this everyday
you've held me close to you
Yes he has, Amen
I have turned away and searched for answers I can't understand
This is also true, i'm glad he has the answers

Chorus:

They say that I can move the mountains
Wow, imagine that! AWESOME
And send them falling to the sea
Again, how awesome is this?
They say that I can walk on water
I can't even swim!
If I would follow and believe
Okay, God I do!
with faith like a child
Now, this is a problem, but i'm trying, with all my heart i'm trying

Sometimes, when I feel miles away
Which is just about every morning when that stupid beeping/buzzing sound goes off
and my eyes can't see your face
Well, yeah that happens in the morning too, but through out my day too
I wonder if I've grown to lose the recklessness
I sure hope so, I want to become solid
I walked in light of you
Hmm...

[Chorus]

Little girl:
"I've got joy like a fountain!"
I've got joy like a fountain too! Amen... I just wish I could always be aware of it...
"Be kind one to others"
I try, I try so hard, I still need help in this area... I know, I can not be perfect
"In Jesus Christ Your son"
That's right baby!

They say that love can heal the broken
I believe this with every part of my soul and spirit!
They say that hope can make you see
Of course, otherwise what are we doing?
They say that faith can find a Savior
Faith will find a Savior...
If you would follow and believe
That's the key.
with faith like a child
And this is hard, but it will happen, and it is so true!

Written by Jars of Clay <--- I LOVE THESE GUYS!!!
Copyright 1995 BridgeBuilding Music (BMI)/
Pogostick Music (BMI). All rights reserved.

Thursday, December 12, 2002

Imagine being in a black void, you see a pearl of light, swirling in on your self. Soon, it enters yourself, you are feeling this awesome sense of joy, peace and love filling you up. Soon, the dark void begins to get brighter, you look at yourself, and you are glowing, it gets brighter and brighter. Pin hole beams of light begin to flow out of your body, out of every pore. Now it is at the point of blinding you. You are so awe struck by the happiness you feel inside, you don't even notice the pain your eyes are feeling. Soon the black void is filled with such a magnificent light, that all you see is white, white light which is living. You take a deep breath, and your lungs are filled, with a breath of fresh air, a crisp air which is found nowhere on Earth.

You soon realize that for the first time you are truly loved, this love can not be broken. You can feel the love all over and inside your body, mind, soul, and for the very first time, your spirit. Your entire world is rocked, what was once an enormous void which seemed impossible to fill, is now over flowing with a love you have no words for. You begin to hear thousands, maybe millions of voices, they are singing, you can't quite tell what the words are, but they resonate through your body, mind, soul and new spirit. You realize that, they too, have found this same love.

Once you return back to earth you can't do anything except yearn for everyone to embrace this same love you have experienced, and from that day forward, you can not but tell and show everyone of this love. Otherwise you feel selfish.

You have been filled by and with the Holy Spirit, the mind of God. You have come to know Christ. You have entered into a personal relationship with Jesus Christ and God the creator.

Wednesday, December 11, 2002

YAY... I think i'm done w/ Cascadia for a at least a few months now! There were no winter classes I could take, they were all durring times when i'm working... or sleeping (Saturdays), so you won't be seeing me around much, actually maybe you will I love the campus life... so i'm thinking of just hanging around when i'm bored... if it's any more entertaining than home... :-)

PRAISE GOD!

I had nothing to worry about, my class was canceled!!! YAY