food for fish

I don't know what the future holds in store for me, I don't know where I'll be living when I get back to Seattle nor where I'll be working. The only thing I know is that I will be with people I love and that is the most important. I am amazed how missionaries survive in places where there are not many, if any, other Christians around. Maybe I am amazed because I am an extrovert and am energized by conversation and fellowship, being in the field this past year I have experienced way to many alone times. I have gone literally days without speaking to another Christian in person, there have even been a few times where I haven't talked a single person for over a day. This is like a nightmare for me where I become unmotivated and restlessly bored all at the same time. Of course I am here with other American missionaries but having other people my age and people that I have deep relationships with is very important for me. I love Carol and Denise and I now consider them very good friends, but it just isn't the same without the guys that I have come to know as brothers. If there were one thing I could change about my time here it would've been to have one of these brothers with me. Nevertheless I know it has all been God's plan and now I am now more independent and content with being alone and meditating with God.

The only thing I know for the future is that I will finish my schooling, hopefully finishing my A/A at the end of the coming academic year. Then I want to transfer to some kind of bachelor program, what that my look like I have no idea. I want to create some kind of internship/exchange program for developing ministry leaders, it would include sending small groups over to Poland (and possibly other places) to do ministry and hopefully would have people from Poland come to Seattle for the same reasons. In the past year, I have learned more about God and myself than all my years in Seattle and I believe this is true because I was out of my own culture and had to depend on God. I want to help others have this same opportunity and to provide the training and leadership in a dynamic way.

And while all of this is happening I hope to get married, have kids, and be actively involved in doing God's will. I want to bless God, enough of me asking for his blessing upon me, it's time for me to bless him by honoring and glorifying him. However this program turns out I never want it to be just "program" I want it to be a place of strong fellowship where everyone feels like a brother or sister to everyone else, I want it to be real and authentic, and I will not be in control, God will.