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Thursday, June 17, 2004


Yesterday I mentioned that God called me to a place of dependence, and that place is here in Poland. Well, I am learning an awful lot about truly depending on Him for everything. However, there are two things I miss so much and I'm afraid it is an issue of maturity on my part. Last night I found a streamed video of a young adult/singles group in Atlanta called 7:22, I was incredibly blessed by this. It had musical-worship, with songs that I haven't sung since Seattle. It had a speaker who knew how to talk to my generation, my heart, and most of all I felt the energy of God in that place, although I was watching an event recorded back in May. What does this say about me? Why does corporate musical-worship energize me so much? I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing, but it seems to be one of the few ways that spiritually fills me up.

I absolutely love musical-worship it is in those times that my heart is completely open to God. Music touches my soul as nothing else does, and it is by music that I found God. I know that the only way that I have survived this long without a weekly time of musical-worship is by my MP3 player (which God has used in a number of ways to speak to me). However, it has been a huge drain on me spiritually to not have regular times of pure musical-worship. Maybe I'm not depending on God to fill me spiritually in another way, maybe I'm stuck in only relating in one way. I've learned to depend on Him for so many things while here, from money, ministry, being physically alone much more than I am use to, and in relationships. I would have never come if I had not obeyed and depended on God to bring me here.

The time is drawing near for me to leave for home. As I sit here and ponder what it is I have learned the list is not long. I have learned the life of a missionary and it is not easy, it can be a very draining way to live. Being in another culture, away from friends, family, and without a Christian support group is incredibly draining. The enemy has a huge stronghold in many of the areas where missionaries go, that is why they are there and why they need your prayers and support in practical ways too. Yet a missionary's life is very exciting too, I have seen people come alive and change in the time I have spent here, that is rewarding, that is why there are missionaries. Ultimately of course we would love to see a Polish person take on the ministry, because only he or she will be able to fully reach this culture. Although this time has been far from any kind of vacation or "magical experience" I would never trade it for anything else. The Lord has blessed me immensely and I believe the blessings are still to come for many years. I am only twenty-two, there is still much to be done in my life, and God will use me for much more, now is the time to stand and be counted, not ten years from now.

I will stand up now,
I Will not step down
I will do my best to wear this crown
But I need You as You guide me through today

You wake up out of bed
Walk out of your castle,
and then you lift up your head
When will you wake up and see
it takes more than just you to get through this life. Going around the town,
maybe someone had brought him down
Different maybe, but not the same,
everyone thinks.

I will stand up now,
I Will not step down
I will do my best to wear this crown
But I need You as You guide me through today

He's going out there now,
and all the things he has found,
everything around is new.
No more holding back as the crowd looks from afar
Everything he has is You.
[Everyday Sunday - Stand Up]