food for fish

Ever since New Years Day I have been struggling with a case of the "ups and downs". I go from feeling discouraged and unmotivated to amazing God-praising spouts of joy. So what's the root of all this? It's a number of things, thoguh I think the catalyst was finding out at a company meeting that we would all be getting a 25% pay cut for the next 60 days in order to save our bottom line.

That put me into a world wind of emotions, from fear (of the unknown financial impact) to anger (caused by the fear) towards the management for not being more forward looking. I am thankful that they want to keep our team and not let anyone go, but if after 60 days things don't look up, they better let go of some folks, or else I'll be forced to look for a new job, and that is stressful when thinking about having a baby and the insurance ramifications.

I know the next few months won't be easy, many of the little things we like to do (Starbucks, Grabbing a bite with friends, etc) will need to be cut. However, even with the cuts my projected budget shows a shortfall of just over $1,000 a month... that spells doom and gloom towards my "be the provider" mentality.

However, I have found a new spark in all my worship, a new meaning for "surrender", and a new love for the song "Blessed be your name" by Matt Redmond.