food for fish

There's something about me. There�s something about me, something I�m not quite sure of, but I know it�s there. I�ll sing until all I can do is smile, I�ll scream until my voice is hurting, and I�ll tremble with discernment until I want to cry. Okay, so I�m emotional, but that�s who I am. So much goes through my head sometimes that I just wish I could upload it all to this blog, so you could all understand. I no longer have anything to hide, I�ve told it all, and it is amazing. I love my life now.

I just wish I would do more to truly make a day to day impact on the people I see and talk to. This is why I am going to Poland, not only to make relationships with people, but to better myself, so I can work for the Lord with out the fear I have now. I want people to look at my every action, and see something different in me, see God in me. I want to wake up with the energy and excitement of serving the Lord. I want to have the knowledge to answer the tough questions, or at least direct them to a proper source. God, use me, send me, here I am, take me.

Over the last few days, I�ve had my struggles (the usual of the lust sort), my up times (I absolutely love the worship at my church), and fun times (my friends rock, my birthday rocked thanks!). Even with all of this going on, I find my self just wanting to work for God in all I do, but I still don�t have the motivation in the mornings, and at work I have the same basic attitude towards it as others, and if there is an oppurtunity to mention my Christ-based ideas, I wimp out. This is incredibly frustrating and upsetting, everyday I come home feeling like a letdown. I know that God works in all kind of ways, and that just because people are not directly talking to me, doesn�t mean I�m not having an affect on those people, but I would really like to see some evidence, maybe I need to look harder.

God,
This is where I am, come meet with me, fill me up, give me the motivation to at least be at work on time and work to my fullest and for you in everything I do.
So be it.