food for fish

But Christ never leaves us. I celebrate the day that He came to save us, and that one day I would pray to Him to save my life (lyrics from the Reliant K song "I celebrate the day" on their Christmas Album). Everyday I want to celebrate that day, and everyday I want to pray to Him to save me from my human nature, everyday I want to praise Him, yet it seems, everyday I do something to the opposite, but still everyday He forgives me, and everyday I see more and more of His glory, from Glory to Glory I will pray.

Sometimes I dream, although you may never know it.
And at times, I fear, but you might never know it.
Yes, I even get excited; however, I probably won't show it.
I hope, I pray, that one day, these dreams come true, because He knows it.

If only we could hang together with no one else around
If only we had a place to call our own, than we could really be together
If only we would know the full plan, and then we might be free
If only we could fully obey, than we would probably be content

To be content, to have content, to see content
That is what I want, that is what I dream, and this is how I wish to love
Content with His love, content with His plan
That is His plan, that is His love, I want to obey.

I want to obey, be content, and love with the father's love.

Is a gift God wrapped in??

Go here, read, learn.

Wedding planning, final exam studying, exam taking, interning, ministering. That about sums life up right now. Engagement picture coming soon... Check out our wedding site, more to come, it is in the works.

We are hoping that this will be the final stop for telling "the story" of what happened Monday night.

It all began back in April, Alexis and I "snuck" into a jewelry store here in Gresham and she saw a wedding set that she absolutely loved, albeit way beyond anything that I could afford (and that was without the diamond!). But it gave me an idea of what to look for. A while later, I get a windfall of cash to help with mission trip we would be going on that summer, strangely enough I had received about $600 more than we needed. After prayerful consideration I put down $500 on that very ring she looked at, without any real idea of how on earth I would pay off the whole thing, thankfully the store let me put the ring on lay-away instead of just buying it on credit, and for some strange reason that same day he took off $600. The week after I put down that money we were visiting some old pastor friends of ours, right as we were leaving they slipped me a $500 check, the exact amount I had just put down on the ring. So, essentially at this point I've really paid nothing.

After this I worked my tail off and put every extra penny (at times it was like $20) towards that ring, by October I still owed a fair amount. But I remembered what God had told me just over a year ago, which was that when I finished my journal (not my blog, but a real paper one) it would be time to propose. I still had about 25 pages to go at that point, but something inside of me was pressing to pay off the ring, so I figured out how to work as much as possible and still get my intern and school duties done. By the second week in November it was done, I owned the ring. But there was still one problem; I still didn't have a diamond. I contacted her grandfather (mom's side) who use to be in the jewelry business, he got me some good prices on some great diamonds, but way beyond my financial ability. I contacted her grandmother (father's side) and she had a diamond to send, and I received it, but it wasn't an engagement diamond, however we are putting it into the wedding band. Then I looked on my side of the family, and nothing was found there either. Finally, a solution came about and just last Monday (Nov 21st) the diamond came, from what we think (no one is sure it was in a box) is from my biological dad's mom's ring. A beautiful, hand cut, round, 1 carat diamond.

So, I rushed into the store on Tuesday, had the diamond set, and it was to be ready on Wednesday so I could take it with us to Seattle so I could propose on Friday, the day after Thanksgiving. Well, on Wednesday I got stuck working late, and when I finally made it to the store, it was closed, it had closed an hour earlier than normal for the Holiday!

Plan A was to propose on the Seattle waterfront after seeing the downtown Christmas tree light up, well without the ring, that wouldn't happen. Funny thing is, the journal still had 5 pages left.

Plan B - Portland on the following Monday. Journal now has 2 pages left. We would go to the Grotto around 1pm. The Grotto is a Catholic Church prayer center, with a park like grounds that you can walk around on, it has a rose garden and a great garden with cool paths to walk on. The best part is the 130 ft ledge that you take an elevator to get up to, and at the top is more gardens, and a prayer room made of marble and huge glass windows that overlook the Columbia gorge towards Vancouver, WA and the cascades, and the Portland airport. My idea was to take her here, walk around, go to the prayer room to pray about stuff and then read some words I had written in my journal that I wanted to say (which are posted below) and then propose in the prayer room (if no one else was there, otherwise just outside looking over the area). - Plan B failed, there was a huge accident on the I205 freeway and we were forced to go another way, which took me forever to figure it out and by the time we got to the Grotto they had closed the upper part (w/ the prayer room) and would be closed until 5pm for the "Festival of lights".

Plan C - We went to Safeway and had a bite to eat, at this point she just thought things were fine. We were waiting for the festival to start. We went in and it was awesome, they had the story of Jesus' birth playing, and scenes made of Christmas lights. When you made it to the end of the path it lead into a big area with a huge life-like nativity scene and a Star of David the size of our house. We walked around, enjoyed the sites, and talked, and laughed. Then as we were about to leave, and grabbed her and took her under one of the spotlights that shined down to make the image of a snowflake on the ground. And I said, "I have a gift for you", she said "You do!", and I said "yes". I pulled the ring out of my inside pocket, and her face froze. I began to slip off the wrong glove, but caught myself, and slipped off the left glove. I took her hand, and said "Would you be my bride?" She was silent, and shocked, and then she buried her head into my chest. She looked up, teary eyed, and then screamed, "OH MY GOSH, IT'S REAL, YES" and did a little dance and then wouldn't budge, and said, "I want to savor this moment!" Later on in the car I read to her the words I originally wanted to say. Oh, yeah, and the Journal got done, with a big 'ol praise to God and closing thoughts on the future.

The rest is history.

There comes a time when people simply do things without any logical reason. Everything around them points towards one path, but the voice of truth says "go another - for I have called you - obey." Alexis, I am in a new season and with every season there is a time, a place, a time for change, and a place of new range. Alexis, God has been doing a lot in our lives and I believe it with all my heart and spirit it is Him that I obey and step into this new season; a season where I must begin a new identity. This new season means that both of us must learn to live without each other, as we know ourselves today. Because this new season requires both of us to gain a new identity - a new identity where Christ strands us together, a strong three strand chord. Simply put, Alexis, would you be my bride?

I had her read this passage afterwards:
Song of Songs 4:1-15

Yep you guessed right.

It's real.

Christmas in Seattle!

Wow, I just realized this blog is now three years old. I think it is time for a makeover, I'll wait until next week to start that project, I've got too many other projects to pay much attention to my own personal ones right now… sad day. Love ya all.

I'm tired of being tired, but I seem to only be tired during the day, at night I can't get to sleep. This makes for a very frustrating situation. I want to have passion, life, and to be doing things because my heart wants to, not just because I need to. Lately it has been so hard for me to get up, I've been getting up just 30 min before I have to be anywhere (which thankfully has been 10am most days), if I don't have something until 12:30 than I don't get up. It has been so bad. I don't wan to be like that, I want to steward my time properly. I want to give time to God's word, to prayer, and to fellowship. So, I want to be awake, I want to rise up.

In other news, this past weekend was the Jr. High beach retreat at my church, and it was a blast. At first I really wanted to just stay home and do nothing, which is basically all I've felt like recently (I sure hope I'm not getting depressed, I'm pretty sure it is just time for a break, thank God for the holidays). However, once I got there the whole thing was a blast, the kids were great and I saw them really wanting to experience God, big time. This quarter God challenged me to be a fill in, not to simply be in the ministry I wanted, but to go where I was needed and serve, this ended up being Jr. High - never my top choice. During this quarter I have learned that my calling to be a pastor is not just for a specific age group, it is for all, and however I can do that is what matters. Even though I feel like a failure in some pastoral areas, I know that this is my calling and that continuing in it is important and to not give up when I fail to "do" something. This opportunity to serve Jr. Highers has shown me the Father's heart for people, no matter their place with Him, or anything else.

My verse at the moment: Ephesians 5:14 "And where your light shines, it will expose their evil deeds. This is why it is said, 'Awake, O sleeper, rise up from the dead, and Christ will give you light.'"

Alexis is updating her blog again, if you're interested click here.

We had a very scary moment top off a rather great day. Today each of us interns were introduced to all the students from 6^th to 12^th grade, but we were introduced in style. Ill put up pictures as soon as I get some of them, it was a great time, Alexis and I each have different color hair now, its rather shocking for some. Anyway, we were all dressed up and lookin good. So after youth group we wanted to go out, we chose to go to Portland's Le Bistro Montage. Now this place is a bit different, there is one painting, in particular, with a twisted version of the Last Supper. Other things make you think about the spiritual atmosphere of this place, and the area in general.

So, all 18 of us got there, sat down, and began eating some bread with butter and than my roommate, Ryan, began chocking on some of the bread. Not the kind of chocking like most of us have where we cough a bit, no, this was the full-on, he-cant-breath kind of chocking, where no sounds were coming from him. One of the interns, Robyn, immediately got in place to do the Heimlich procedure. However she just wasnt strong enough to get it going so a guy named Ty, who saw as back at the church, who randomly asked us where we were going and had decided to tag along, did it. The horrible moment lasted well over a minute. Ryan is fine now, shaken up, however giving the glory to God and doing a bit of reflecting.

We never know when things like this may happen, and we never know if God puts people around us for some reason. Ty and Ryan didnt really know each other, except for each others name. Just the random chance that Ty came was a miracle, plus Ty is an EMT. During that time I was shaking, but had a peace that Ryan and God were good, and that really things would be okay. However, I am still processing the whole thing;this was certainly a wake up call of some kind. Got us thinking and got us looking at God in a very real way. It has been a while since something so close to death has happened near me. Praise god.

I know a family who just this past week had their car stolen. It had in it, among other things, a laptop worth $2,000 and with two years worth of work on it, various CDs, DVDs from Block Buster and the public library, and a purse, with the owners Drivers License, Check book, Debit Cards, Credit Cards, also a baby stroller and other miscellaneous things. In addition, this was their only car, their only car with just liability insurance, meaning it isnt covered.

This family is a God-fearing, God-loving, God-understanding family, young, and just beginning to step into their calling as pastors. Some would ask, why would this happen? Others may say Well, they shouldve had full-coverage if it was their only car. I say, this is one of those opportunities in which the body of Christ consistently screws up, especially these days. What am I talking about? Im talking about the fact that people in the Church do not recognize these times as Acts 2:44-47 times.

These are the times when the church could step in, buy a new car, help replace what was stolen, donate whatever resources (maybe guide them in prevention of ID theft) they have, to help this family. This is what the Body of Christ should look like, its Biblical. It is not Biblical for us to pass judgment and say well you should've been safer with your things, you shouldnt live in a place known for cars to be stolen NO! We do what God leads us to do, not what human logic says is okay. We also make mistakes, we are human, that is why the body must work together - Ephesians 3 and 4 - I think are great ones on that.

That's what I think.

I finally have typed up the prophetic words I have received over the past year. I have retro posted them to go where they should in my archives so that over time I can look and see what else God was doing, where he took me, and where he is taking me.

October of 2004 My first experience with modern-day prophecy 1^st year intern retreat. Basically God was calling me into the desert.

January of 2005 My second experience, Alexis and I were broken up, a time of hell in the desert.

September of 2005 The third experience, amazing, God shows His face through the whole thing and previous prophecy is shown to have come to past. Alexis and I received this one together. The promise land is nearing, but there is still work to be done.

I think I am finally going to get around to doing some cleaning up around here. Maybe put in some new pictures, change some colors, etc. Since we finally have Internet at our place I can get around to these things. Not to mention the million other things "I can finally" do now that I have better access to the Internet…

I just am not motivated when I'm sick, I really want to write out our vision for Poland and send it to some important people, but right now, I haven't got the energy.

The Church needs to stand up. We need to be real, authentic, and alive in everything we do. We need not cover ourselves with some kind of Christian mask; we must, instead, renew our minds, and awaken our hearts to our Father. We must stand up, wake up, and realize that we are called. The Bible says that the harvest is plentiful but the workers are few, and I believe that is also says that many are called but few will go. What if the called went, and the workers worked, what then? Yes I'm on a high. But the Lord has made a difference in my life, let Him make a difference in your life, let Him be your Lord. Jesus is the Pilot, not the co-pilot. His ways are far beyond our understanding, yet when I follow them, even without understanding, the fruit in my life is amazing. Be passionate, be His disciple, and listen to the Father's heart.

I don't care what issues you have in your life, we will never be perfect, we will never be. I still struggle with sexual sins, I struggle with anger issues, I struggle with obsessive compulsive tendencies in many areas. But I know one thing, I am much closer to what God has called me, and the world doesn't understand, but I know my soul is alive, and most of all my Spirit is leading because God's spirit is in me, and as Christians we all have this wonderful advantage, let His spirit grow yours and be walking in the Spirit and not by the desires of the flesh.

I can't remember the last time I actually made a Christmas wish list, but I decided that this year it might be worth it, especially since I don't see anyway I could get these things on my own right now. So, here it is :)

Travis' Christmas List 2005

1. Archos Gmini™ XS 202 MP3 Player ($230 @ Comp USA)
2. Digital Camera - Samsung Digimax 3.2MP Digital Camera - Techno Silver U-CA 3 TS ($230 @ Best Buy)
3. Another Hot Air Balloon ticket to take Alexis too
4. Money for tuition and books
5. Money for Mission trips
6. Money in general (for bills)
7. $300 to pay deductible for rear ending damage on car
8. $175 to fix broken hinges on laptop - update* now both are broken, bad.
9. Gift card to Banana Republic
10. Gift card to The Gap
11. Gift card to American Eagle
12. Gift card to Target

So, here I am sitting at a café, watching a bunch of people do some wine taste testing and laugh their heads off. Everyone else (being the majority of my friends) are in class and I'm sitting here doing nothing because I lent out the one book that I need to someone else. So instead of taking advantage of my time, I'll be staying up late, once again, with a full day ahead.

In other news, the fundraising is going pretty well, it looks like we will be able to buy at least one ticket; it would be nice for both of us to go, but for now it looks like one. We'll use the extra money to go towards our trip in the summer. Remember you can donate with PayPal on the right, thanks.

This past month has been somewhat of a rollercoaster ride for a number of the people I live with, including myself. One of our German interns has been dealing with excruciating pain with a couple of her teeth for a little over two weeks now. Thank God she found a Christian dentist who has charged her only $275 for the procedure to remove two absences from under two of her molars. This procedure has now lead to pain which has kept her up for over two days and now they've prescribed something stronger than Vicadin, let's hope and pray that it works. The last option is simply to pull the teeth since she does not have the insurance to afford the specialist (a $3,000 procedure).

As for me, this next season of my life is a huge time of transitions. Not only are people around me transitioning into new and sometimes unknown territory, I am also entering a new season of life, yet I'm not quite sure what it is. All I know is that I am becoming more and more sensitive, but I believe in a good way. For example, yesterday I was listening to our intern pastor and he was telling us what he sees for the future and I was tearing up the entire time, and through worship I almost lost it. However, inside I couldn't pinpoint the emotion; I think God is simply preparing my heart. And you know, the more I think about it the more I realize that when God's heart is being told, it resonates in me and comes out emotionally. I'm not really bothered by it, but I am surprised by it, but I like it too. I feel close to God, close to Alexis, and pretty good. I have my down times, yet they are intimate down times, not angry, empty times.

Well I am truly learning what Paul meant by "going from glory to glory". You see, the night after I wrote my OCD post (the one just below this one) I had an OCD moment. Alexis and I had a misunderstanding and because I focused on the part where I felt she left out information, therefore making me feel disrespected and very annoyed, I had a bit of a blowout of anger on my part. And so, what should have been a 20 min discussion to figure out our schedules turned into a 2 hour quarrel over respect and demands.

Lesson learned - do not focus on feelings until the facts are straight. Especially if you tend to obsess on how you feel and not the other person.

I use to joke about being "OC" or "OCD", but I now realize that I do obsess over things such as "disrespect" and "rudeness". What I mean is that when I feel someone has "wronged" me, I become overly obsessed with that situation, and I either completely get on the person's case, or if that is not possible I become so disconnected from the rest of the world I get absolutely nothing done. Thanks to a great friend of mine who has gone through similar issues I now have some tools to get through those times, and realize that just because someone did not communicate something, or that something was not done as I asked, or whatever the reason, that person isn't trying to "disrespect" me or be "rude" to me, it's simply a miscommunication, it happens, we are human.

The root of this issue is perfectionism, I have had a lot of control over my life, especially before I decided to take the ultimate risk and follow God in faith. But since following God's call and depending on faith, I have learned that I can not be perfect, nor is anyone around me. I have no control, even the little bit that I claim to have on a day-to-day basis is not really in y control. God is providing, just enough, at just the right time, and my faith is increasing at a steady pace, not lightning speed.

There are some major things happening right now in the ministry that I am involved in right now, as part of the internship program. It's another one of these calls to faith, bit more control is going to need to be dropped, and simply put, I am afraid. I know that I'll want to compare myself to others, and that I'll feel that I am not as qualified, but I must know that God's call is all that qualifies me.

Lord, I ask for your guidance, your voice to be strong, to keep me from the temptations of the enemy. I praise you for what you have done, for where you have managed to pull my stubborn soul, I thank you for this too. Continue to be the center of my relationship with Alexis and guide us into the right time for the next step. May all of this, and everything else I have no clue about, bring you glory, and people to faith in you.

In Jesus' name. Amen.

This is a copy of the letter we will be sending to people. Let us know what you think.
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The Lord has done much in our lives since Travis returned from Poland in August of 2004. Both of us are now in our second year of the INTERNational Training Program (ITP) in Gresham, Oregon, as well as in our final year at the Oregon College of Ministry (OCM). Through the ITP we are being equipped for hands-on and practical ministry to young people and others in our own generation. As part of this intern program we took the opportunity this past July/August to go to U-turn Poland, an annual youth camp for Foursquare Europe (each year a different country is host), that, by no accident, was in Zakopane, the same town I served in just over a year ago. In addition, through OCM we are being equipped with practical biblical training to enable us to serve God and be servant leaders to a broken world.

Over this past year God's calling on our lives has become confirmed, we are to be pastors, to sheppard His people and serve them. We have a vision to see people become equipped to lead and serve in God's kingdom. Because of the mentorship, training, and equipping we have received through OCM and the ITP we now have a heart for mentoring, training, and equipping our generation. Specifically the Lord has given us a vision and heart for our generation in the nation of Poland.

So, what will we do in Poland, when will we go? That is the question. We want to build a training program in Poland, it will look different than the ITP, but God's heart is the same; to mentor, train, equip, and release the Polish people to do the ministry themselves, plant churches themselves, and bring God's full glory in freedom. This training program will be a place for Americans, Poles, and eventually anyone to experience ministry, hands on, and receive the same kind of mentorship as Paul did for Timothy. We believe there will be restoration for both the local Polish people and the interns themselves just as we have seen in our lives since being in the ITP. In the future we want to have the same kind of quality practical Bible teaching as OCM is providing. And ultimately we want to see the Polish people take on the vision themselves.

In order to see this come to fruit we have a multi-year plan that we know will require patience and prayerful consideration. Of course we will continue building our relationships with our Polish friends in Poland, including at least an annual visit until we move there. We also want to begin building a relationship with the Polish community here in the Portland, Oregon area. In the meantime we hope to recruit Polish Christians from the Portland, Seattle, and other areas and certainly Poles living in Poland into the ITP here in Gresham so that we can start building a team of people (including some non-Poles) to go to Poland when God opens the doors and says "go". We consider this time to be the conception stage, when the vision is fully birthed we will know.

We have a couple of opportunities on the horizon that do require some outside resources. The first is in November, we have been invited to attend the first national Foursquare conference of Poland. It takes place on November 11th and 12th, our entire trip would be from November 10th to the 16th and include a stop in San Francisco where a former Poland missionary and one of the Polish girls we worked with are now, as part of our intentions to build stronger relationships with our Polish friends. Total cost for this trip is about $2,300 for both of us. This is a key event for us to begin building strong relationships with the national leaders in Poland and to capture the full vision for Poland. The next event on the horizon is U-Turn Germany, taking place this coming summer. This camp is when we see nearly all of our friends from Poland, and make new ones; it is also a key event for building our strong relationships even stronger. After we are in Germany we hope to travel back to Poland for a week to simply help and fellowship with our Polish friends. Estimated cost for U-Turn Poland is $2,000 each, this is a part of the ITP and so much fundraising is available for this.

So, again, we thank you for your prayers, financial support, and spiritual support through this entire process. If you have any questions you may contact Travis or Alexis with the information below. We pray that you too will know God's calling in your life, weather it be local or global, we know the Lord has amazing plans for each person and that it takes for each of us to trust Him and Listen to Him.

In Christ,
Travis & Alexis

So, the Lord is so good, but you already knew that. It seems I need a reminder way to often. Today I received the second (and last, for now) payment of my wages for my time in Seattle this past summer doing a temporary network job. It was a bit more than I had anticipated due to all the overtime I had to work. So, now for the first time since last may (which I know is not that long compared to others) I am free of debt (except to school, but that's an ongoing deal) and my credit seems to have survived somehow. I hate that when the weight of debt falls off my shoulders I feel better, I hate that I allow my circumstances to control my emotional state, this is so wrong, and I know that God doesn't want that, and that only the enemy wins in that situation. However, I am learning that by patiently enduring (James 1) times like this I'll be more free and a much more pleasant person to be around. The Lord's promises are what I should rejoice in, and I must keep my sights on heaven, otherwise I'll end up where I've been already, and I don't like that.

So I have this vision in my head, well I should say "we have a vision", but since this is my blog, I'll say I, until "we" is truly a "we". So, it is beyond me, it is big, and it will require good listening on my part. I'm going to do what it takes, endure through life when it looks like the vision is "impossible", and when I have it all written out, inform the world.

[This is a retro-published post, actually posted on Nov 12, 2005 - I wanted these words to be posted into my archives on the right day to line up with my life at that time]
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Again we went to the amazing Oregon coast for our intern retreat this year. This time instead of each Intern prophesying over each other a lady named Barb Jackson came, taught, and randomly prophesied. It was amazing, and what God said through her to Alexis and I (we received the word together) is nothing short of amazing - we were crying like babies at the end, because God totally rocked our world. The rest is history:

When we go as full-time over there. That will happen. We are in training, and it’s been rough, the finances haven’t been right, but they will come, we will go, but not before we are sent -don’t go before sent… If we go before we are sent we will come back, bruised as in ACTS 19. The enemy will try to make us think we can’t wait (within 6 months), don’t listen to that voice, remember this WORD. Be faithful in all the training, in the right time, humble ourselves under his hand, and he will exalt us… God will Send us out with ordination and with supporters, commissioning, start with house church, evangelize the area, a few contacts will give us the hands and lift up the resources. God says we will be known in that place as the people with the word of the LORD. It’s not going to be a “regular house church” People will know they can get their needs met, physically, spiritually, word of prophecy over the people, healing, words of knowledge and wisdom, food, the vision will be. Churches will grow fast, split so fast, we will need to split into two… won’t get a building big enough…. Just a handful in each. Churches where his voice will be heard. We will know the time for marriage…. There will be a right time for marriage, God will unite us. Don’t jump ahead. TWO will put ten thousand… God has given us the green light the word for our lives, the time, and method are still yellow lights… caution don’t run ahead. wait until the light is green. Those who are over us in the spirit will tell us the green light at the same time we sense it in our hearts. Be cautious The enemy will try to stop us in our tracks. Just like the enemy tried to tell with Peter told Jesus not to go to Calvary… but the timing was right, the timing will come. We will have that green light. God says there will be nothing at that time he will withhold. John 14:12-13 – Us who believe on him… God will be accelerating our training, we will be stretched, and feel like we don’t have enough time… Burn the oil at midnight if we must. For a time and a season we need to push in… be obedient, obey, obey, obey 3x. God will take us both down to the third obedience, where we will sow our lives for those people. Sow our lives for those people, we will love them to the end. They will know the love… that love will require our lives. That love will go through our whole lives. Our message will be the love of the father’s heart. As we go forward in obedience to him… we will fulfill the father’s heart. He will say “well done, good and faithful servant”.

Just so you know.

/\
\/ + O = ???

Kerstin and Alexis.

The beauty of Europe. If only they would allow God to return, then the beauty would be true.

Starbuck's in Frankfurt!

And finally both of us.

The highway back to Zakapane. It is divided for only the first 25K, then it becomes a two lane road for 75K. They are expanding it, could take 10 years.

Oh, by the way, we are in Poland now. We come home on the 10th.

This is my highschool small group swaying to "Friends are Friends forever"

This is my woman, and I am her man. And our God is making a beautiful three strand chord.

Humanity apart from personally knowing God's grace, becomes Satan's tool.

I hate being in debt, trying to be obedient, and still let Him be in control.

Isn't that what its all about

Well, I have one month until I return for a mini-trip back to Poland. We'll be in Zakopane for almost two weeks starting on July 22nd. Alexis and I and the rest of the team are getting very excited. During our prayer meetings (every Thursday from now until the trip) God has been showing each person his/her place for this trip, each person on the team will be the head of what the camp is calling "tribes" the primary role of a tribal leader will be as spiritual guides for the campers. This is certainly a place where I feel called to, a place where I can use all this passion and urgency that seems to be built up inside of me with nowhere out.

Now on the more human side, we still are far from our goal of $2,500. This has been by far the hardest trip to raise money for that I have ever been a part of. By God's grace we have our tickets purchased on credit, not the ideal position to be in of course. We have until July 10th to raise another $2,190 each… This is a bit overwhelming… But somehow someway it will work out. Right now I've taken a step of faith (and idea that came while I was sitting on the toilet) and used some of my retirement to pay for our airfare, this amount has to be paid back within 60 days (of which I have about 40 left). Thank God I got a new job last week that pays quite well, but at the moment my hours are not that many. It is possible for me to actually pay myself backing this timeline, assuming that I can work 5 hours a day for the next 40 days. So, anyway. Bottom line, please donate. Donation link on your right. Blessings.

Yes it is true. This school year is nearly done and now I know that I really do know much about God, and I'm okay with that. In fact I am so happy that I have come to this place, I like having God in control, it is much less stressful. Praise God.

Wouldn't it be nice if we were older
Then we wouldn't have to wait so long
And wouldn't it be nice to live together
In the kind of world where we belong

You know it's gonna make it that much better
When we can say goodnight and stay together

Wouldn't it be nice if we could wake up
In the morning when the day is new
And after having spent the day together
Hold each other close the whole night through

Happy times together we've been spending
I wish that every kiss was neverending
Wouldn't it be nice

Maybe if we think and wish and hope and pray it might come true
Baby then there wouldn't be a single thing we couldn't do
We could be married
And then we'd be happy

Wouldn't it be nice

You know it seems the more we talk about it
It only makes it worse to live without it
But lets talk about it
Wouldn't it be nice
[Beach Boys - Wouldn't it be nice]

That's where I'm at right now…

I hate talking about money, but it seems to be the one thing that just keeps coming up. Thankfully Alexis and I have found a creative financial solution to pay for our plane tickets to Poland this summer. Essentially, I am barrowing from my retirement account with the faith that we will fundraise all of our money and be able to pay myself back within sixty days, or else face a tax penalty. Already God is showing us His faithful ness because Alexis and are going to be staying an extra week and a half in Europe, and our airfare is costing us $130 less per person than the rest of the group. It's an amazing sign from God and we are very thankful. Of the $2500 we need for the trip, Alexis and I both have $440. We know we are called and God always provides just what we need.

Lord, thank you for your provision, even in my failure to be faithful in my giving. Thanks for the roof over my head, the bed to sleep on, my friends, and for the food we have everyday. I know you are the Lord of everything and I know that you have called me, so let me be your hands, your feet, and may your will be done. In Jesus' name. Amen.

You Are 25% Left Brained, 75% Right Brained

The left side of your brain controls verbal ability, attention to detail, and reasoning. Left brained people are good at communication and persuading others. If you're left brained, you are likely good at math and logic. Your left brain prefers dogs, reading, and quiet. The right side of your brain is all about creativity and flexibility. Daring and intuitive, right brained people see the world in their unique way. If you're right brained, you likely have a talent for creative writing and art. Your right brain prefers day dreaming, philosophy, and sports.

Well, we have about 3 months and a week before we head off to Poland. This time, I am going with a team, three Germans, and sixteen other Americans! It will be an amazing time where God will move in many people, including ourselves, and especially me. This is just the beginning of many return trips that the Lord has shown me will be in my future.

As this date draws near, so do our deadlines for finances, I currently owe $600 to the college for the rest of this quarter (praise God it's not the $3200 I owed a little over a month ago), once that debt is dissolved I will focus all my funds directly to the Poland trip. For the trip I need to raise $2,350 more, much of this is being done through fund raisers and our desert dinner on May 26th (for more information on this, which includes a time for you to hear everything about our mission in Poland and our commitment to Europe simply reply to this email message). If everyone I have emailed this to donated just $14.50 for the next three months I would have all of school covered and the trip covered. I know the God I serve is not short of cash, we will be going to Poland and touching lives. If you would like more information please do not hesitate to hit the reply button and ask me some questions, or visit my website foodforfish.blogspot.com prayer is always welcomed. I will be writing more about what I am doing right now in the INTENational Training Program at the Oregon College of Ministry and how it all relates to the future of my time in Poland. Thank you very much, and be blessed.

Ahh

And here we are.

My friends Josh and Erin just got married!

Yeah baby

Here we are!

I'm at the U2 show in Seattle. It starts in 1 hour.

A passion for your name. That is certainly what has happened. More to come later.

Last Sunday I owed my college $3,700 in tuition (last quarter and this quarter). This Sunday I owe just $600 (or $85/week). How did this happen? It started on Tuesday night, I was attempting to go to sleep when I was overcome with how much money I needed in the next few months, which included my tuition and the upcoming mission trip back to Poland ($2500). So, I got into bed with my journal, and wrote down all my options, which included the possibility of going back to work full time and doing school part time. However, the Lord heard my cries, and I believe he appreciated my honesty with Him, because on Wednesday morning I had a $200 donation towards tuition.

Right after getting the news about the donation, I got in my car to pick Alexis up and by random chance, someone had my "bridges" hymns CD on, the words "Praise God from whom all blessings come" played. God taught me a lesson, be honest, praise Him for all things and depend on Him for all things. Well, I forgot that lesson by that night and was overcome again, and realized that I still did not have enough, realistically, to pay for school by the time this quarter is over. So I prayed again, this time with a bit more oomph, and I told God that I knew this is His calling and that although I do not understand my circumstance I know it is Him who called me. Well Thursday I go about my day as usual (which is mostly meetings), and then Pastor Dan tells me that Gil (the vice president of the college) needs to see me, and I thought "oh no". We take the small walk over to Gil's office, but he's in a pre-marital meeting, so Dan proceeds to tell me the news. He's not sure of the exact number, but I had a donation come in, and I said "oh, I knew that, the $200" and he says "Well, another one, a bit larger", and I said "oh cool"… "a very large one…"… "okay" "you have only the last third of this quarter left"… I was floored. On Friday morning I checked my box at school, and in it was a receipt and a photocopy of a check for $2,900. Hallelujah!

So, with that, I was humbled, and I know I really have no control, God is fully in control orchestrating things. So for school I just need $600, and for Poland $2,355 (I've had some PayPal donations come in, thank you bloggsphere!). I have no doubt in my mind that I am out of God's will. My stress level is much lower and my future seems clearer and will be coming faster than I ever though, Amen to that.

I have nearly $6,000 in funds that I need to find by mid July, I'm going to school full time, I have a wonderful young lady that I want to spend more quality time with, and I am trying to find a job that will work around my very inflexible schedule. To make things simple, let me just say that none of the things mentioned above are going well, the only one that seems to understand anything is Alexis. The current project I am working on is winding down, so I'll be getting fewer and fewer hours, thus less money, and more stress.

The logical side of me wants to call this intern program quits, get a job, catch up, and slowly go to back to school, and put off everything by possibly years or more. But my heart is full of a passion and a promise that God is my provider, and that in His will things will work out. I have a supportive girlfriend, food to eat, a place to live, a car, wonderful friends, and God's direction. Yet my faith is small, the world screams different things at me, and the constant heaviness of stress is very tiring.

I received a little bit of support a while back, a $20 check, but the check bounced, of course the person who wrote it is very embarrassed and is in a similar place as me. However this caused me to rethink a lot in my life, because when you actually lose money (the bank charged me for their bad check) when your trying to fund raise, it isn't what I would call encouraging.

So that's my story, I have friends who have just as heavy things going on in their lives, and are in just as much shock over life as me. So it seems right now many of my friends are going through life changing situations. I can only worry about today, for today really does have its own worries.

Tonight is the first wedding of five that Alexis and I know of in the next two months, two of which we are actually a part of in some way. It's a very joyous time, but very expensive (for us at this time), but that's okay, we want to support our friends and family. If everything had gone as I had planned Alexis and I would be in that list somewhere, but thankfully things have gone God's way, and while it means we are waiting, we know we are much more healthy and in God's will rather than just fulfilling our desires. It's great to see this and our prayers are with every couple.

In other news… We have just four months to go before heading off to Poland again. We are right in the midst of fundraising, and we still have more than half of the $2,500 to go for each of us, however I really have no worries about the money. God is telling us so much about the trip and other things are coming together so well that I really don't see the finances as any kind of block. If you would like to donate please click on the PayPal link on the right or for more information just email me (address also at right). Thanks for your prayers.

I have been in counseling since November and I am now a firm believer in it. It is not just for those with depression, bad childhoods, or other such issues, it is for anyone who is truly willing to let God touch them deep, in the depths of their heart so that they may know who God says they are, and not what they say they are. I have learned so much about myself, about who God says we are, and now I am just beginning to understand that God truly does want us to be fully transformed, but we must continually release ourselves into His plans. Every one of us can have the freedom, boldness, and love to be as the great apostles. If we choose to endure the trials of our lives we will expierence His fullness in our lives. Here are some proverbs to get you thinking.

What can you do? Clichés are all around us! But whatever, it does not mean they are wrong to use. I try to avoid them, but when I am excited, they just happen. So, if this is all a bunch of pat Christianize I am sorry.

God is good, and His love cannot be fully understood, this is my conclusion. Not until perfection comes and we enter into His full glory will we truly understand the compassion of our Lord, the miracles of his spirit, and the love of our father. This God that we say is amazing, awesome, graceful, merciful, all knowing, is far greater than any of that, he is simple yet complex. The full understanding of His being, is so amazing to me, recently so much of my time is full of adoring who my God is, who he is to me, what he does for me, and what he is calling me to do, to be, and what I have done. He absolutely intrigues me; there is nothing more intriguing than just pondering who he is.

More and more I feel Him inside me, working in me, speaking to me, and I can just walk right with Him when I choose. That is the key to everything recently in my life. When I was young in the faith, I lived by experiencing Him, letting Him come to me. Now, He is teaching me to go to Him, instead of experiencing Him by "accident" I am seeking to experience Him. And as I step into ministering for Him, to others, learning to hear Him, and even stepping up and telling people what God puts on my heart, for them and for myself. It is exciting to serve the Lord, and I fully believe that all believers can minister. Yes, it takes some faith, it takes some risk taking, but the Lord is good, he will use all of us in mighty ways.

Continue to humble yourself, listen, and know that when your heart is racing and the same thought is repeating itself, speak. God will honor your faithfulness, and give you more. But, if you become overconfident and lean on your thoughts, and not his thoughts, He will humble you. So either way remain humbled, and always give thanks to God, for he is the one who provides the words of life.

September was the last time my car was washed, and last Thursday (the 3rd) was my birthday. A couple of people timed it just right and I got some checks in the mail on my birthday, just enough that I was able to get my car washed and detailed. And since I don’t think I have ever posted a picture of my car; here it is in the church parking lot. By the way, I’m 23 now… and yes, it does feel different, I’m in an odd numbered year, and odd numbered years make me feel older than even numbered, isn’t that strange?


Here is a before picture, back in January we had a one day ice storm, my poor car had mud frozen to it. I must have spent at least an hour breaking the ice off, and I am sure in the process I added a few scratches.

I'm hardly able to do anything these days, except when I listen to the only stable truth in my life, God himself. There is so much going on that makes me think I am inadequate, "just an intern", "just a computer guy", "just this or that"… But, it's all a lie. Christ wants us to be more than "just this or that" he says that we are saints, to be equipped, and he has commissioned us to do the work of spreading his word. It is our responsibility to let the world know about him, through serving, loving, telling, there is nothing else more important. Because he loves us so much, he has invited us to do the most important job. Of course, he can reveal himself, as he does around the world, but he uses us to make disciples of the nations. How humbling, how honoring, how mind-blowing that the creator of the universe uses us, and remember he made us only slightly lower than the angels. We give him love, and since we were created in his image, and we need love, therefore he must need love too. I'm hardly able to grasp it all, so I'll take it just one day at a time.

Now, I have not yet read John Eldredge's book "The Sacred Romance" however, God is showing Alexis and I the magnificent beauty of having God as the center strand of our love affair. If it were not for Him there is absolutely no way I could ever love a person as I do right now. I can honestly say that I am head over heals for her and that I can not imagine life without her, just as life with out Jesus is a very scary thought for me, life without Alexis just wouldn't be right. She is certainly not an idol to me, but she is the object of my love, right now, right here, and God is the eternal object of my love. I know without any doubt, with full certainty, that the God I serve, love, adore, and revere is true.

This isn't just because I am courting an amazing, beautiful young lady, it is because when I made the decision to enter into Jesus' will, and honor, glorify, and praise Him for everything, my entire life got meaning. I have a meaningful life, a life of hope. When I look back over the past five years, there are so many miracles, everything lines up, my life is not just a bunch of random decisions, it is beautifully crafted for purpose.

Two people can accomplish more than twice as much as one; they get a better return for their labor. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But people who are alone when they fall are in real trouble. And on a cold night, two under the same blanket can gain warmth from each other. But how can one be warm alone? A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken. [Ecclesiastes 4:9-12]

I will write something more formal in the next few days, but out of desperation, and God's way of humbling me, I wanted to get going here. The Lord has been providing for me in very awesome ways, in fact while I was in Poland all last year I never had a month where I was behind in any kind of support.

However this year, a large part of it has been my personal savings (from when I worked full time) and from the very little work that I have had. So now, it has come to a place where I must simply ask. I currently owe $1620 for winter quarter, thankfully the Oregon College of Ministry is graceful, however there does come a point where they must stop. Not only have I not finished paying for winter quarter, spring quarter is just around the corner, and that is going to be another $1900 plus dollars (I bought one book for winter quarter out of six that I should have).

This situation is creating some stress in my life, my job just covers my two bills (car insurance and cell phone) and whatever is left goes towards the college. Unfortunately, because of my duties as an intern (which is part of the school program), I have only time on Tuesdays and Saturdays that I can work, and spiritually I would like to keep one of those days free as a true Sabbath.

So, this is the situation of desperation and humbleness. Thanks for your prayers and support,

If anyone feels compelled to support me in this endeavor to be equipped for the ministry, you may either send a check to:

Oregon College of Ministry
701 N. Main Ave.
Gresham, OR 97030-7236
on the memo line please include: For Travis Mielonen

Alternatively, donate online with PayPal:

I had this test question in my Christian Worldview class: Critically evaluate the following statement in light of our Christian worldview perspective: "One is not able to come to absolute certainty concerning just about everything because of mankind's many limitations. As a result, truth is relative." The following is my answer:

Firstly, the above statement is contradictive to itself since it is an absolute statement, and quite certain in nature. Secondly, it is a statement made from the reasoning of man, a source that is finite and limited as it states. Thirdly, the statement assumes there is no absolute source outside of man for truth.

The statement must be closely examined because at a glance, it seems reasonable, but one must know all in order to make such a statement. The statement itself says humankind is limited; therefore, it falls apart on its own accord.

Further, only when one recognizes that God is truth, and only He is infallible will he/she see the breakdown of logic. Even still, careful consideration will prove that unless one assumes God he/she cannot make an absolute statement of truth. We must acknowledge the biblical God as our authoritive-voice in truth matters, since He is the only one with evidences of truth support.

My brain hurts, but I got twenty points out of twenty possible.

The sun makes a world of difference for my mood. When the light comes in through my windows (as little as there are in my basement apartment) it just livens me up. It seems everything is a little lighter, the people in the streets, the animals, and the overall spiritual environment, everything. When the sun is out, I feel like I'm walking directly with THE SON. I wish I could just internalize this feeling inside, make it a recallable memory, but instead I seem to slip into heaviness when the sun is away. Not all the time, and I must say it is getting better with each day.

God has been showing me many new things in my life, things like saying a simple hello, praying with people on the spot instead of "I'll be praying for you" and the ever-so-simple smile. I have been so humbled by life here, that's just as simple as it gets. Be humble.

Not sure, what it is, but the past few days I've just felt heavy, a little frustrated, but at the same time, I have a peace. I think I just need some time alone, I have not been journaling much nor have I done much personal time. God is trying to speak but for some reason I seem to be ignoring Him and finding other things to do. I love and hate these kinds of times. I'm learning to balance all of my life, so much of it is great, however I must focus on myself. Still, blessed be HIS name. My heart is choosing to say blessed be YOUR name.

Last Wednesday Alexis and I got back together. The past three months has been an incredible stretching time for me. There were definite moments where I thought we would never get back together, but now everything is so different. We are talking differently, we have a very clear idea of what God wants us to do in the future, and we know we will have little, maybe even big, tiffs, but God is the center of this relationship. The counseling I am in right now has shed so much light on all of my little quirks, that is not to say that am 100% better or that things in my past won't rear again, its just that now I can identify them and seek God's guidance.

In other news, Alexis has her own blog now, but I still do not have the address. She's already getting comments and she hasn't advertised or commented on anyone else's blogs, so there must be something good on it! It's a creative writing blog so I'm dieing to see what's on there, she said I'll know soon, she just wants to get it going first. She isn't using her real name on it so I can't search for it.

Young Man:
How beautiful you are, my beloved, how beautiful! Your eyes are soft like doves.

Young Woman:
What a lovely, pleasant sight you are, my love, as we lie here on the grass, shaded by cedar trees and spreading firs. [Song of Songs: 1:15-17]

I have no idea what to write though, there is so much, and right now I'm sitting in a coffee shop just thinking of all the great things God has done in my life these past few months. I guess I can always ask for prayer, prayer for good direction, quiet times to listen to the Lord and to do what is right for the people I love. There is so much going on in my mind right now and so many people that I would love to have long conversations with that I am just kind of in this comatose mindset of not knowing what to do. Tomorrow is a huge day, I will be meeting with people who are the most influential in my life at the moment, and the most authoritive in my life with a big decision to propose to them, I am nervous, and after tomorrow, you all might know why. Well, I had better go.

Here is a quick update. I finished my first quarter at Oregon College of Ministry and the International Training Program with a 3.4 GPA, go Travis! Alexis and I are doing very well, we still are not back together, but it is a time of healing and reflection for our friendship and is probably near its strongest point ever. I have learned a lot about ministry, listening to God, being sensitive to other’s needs, and putting the idea of daily sacrificing into daily practice (instead of the 3 or 4 times a month where I was convicted, which lead to frustration and insanity). I know that the Lord speaks to everyone one of his children and that my calling is to be a pastor, and somehow equipping and connecting people to be in the ministry is the central theme of this calling.

On another note, I really miss blogging day to day and I hope to get back in the habit and be able to have enough Internet access to write down my thoughts again. Thanks for all your encouragement and I look forward to being reconnected with the blogsphere. Be blessed.

Fear of God: Revearing trust in God that includes commitment to his revealed words and will.

[This post was actually published Nov 12, 2005 - it took me a while, nearly a year, to type up the following, and to make sense I wanted it to be published near the actual event to see what God is doing]
----------------------
The following are words that I recieved from two people on the U-Turn Europe commitee. Not written here are the words Alexis recieved... "You once loved a man, but you must let him go now"... I thought, very interesting.
Here are my words:

January 16th 2005 prophesy – Johannes & Gert

• A sickness in you, something to do with the kidneys and stomach – could be physical or spiritual, prove in your spirit. Anoint the body with healing – blessings on them – Headaches at times? God is doing much cleansing.

• The Lord is cleaning don’t be shocked. Some of your suffering is connected. Lord wants to heal you. Self image, restoration. You have sinned where you did not want to, you had an identity in the Lord but it has been shattered, restore your identity in Christ. Lord is dealing with you in your self righteousness. The more we come into the light. You see yourself and you are disappointed. You are a good servant, and He is a good master.

• [Pooh bear hat placed on head] – You are a good servant. The inferiority inside of you is one part of pride. You walked with authority & leadership in Poland and you will do that and have it here. YOU ARE A PASTOR. God will challenge you to be looked upon. The Lord will develop more contacts, you will be asked to speak. You are a solider of God. Be looked at. The Hat allows you to be recognized. He is calling on you to finish college. You will be recognized as his servant. Lord is restoring your identity. He lives in you.

• The suffering you feel is your identity – God is going to restore you.

• You are good because He is good

• He doesn’t leave you.

• Someone is watching your back don’t worry.