food for fish

This time next month I'll be preparing to leave and reenter into a life I've been absent from for almost a year. I am slightly anxious, a little excited, and very excited to see some of my buds again. Truthfully, I am not sure what to expect, the culture shock, the onslaught of questions, and my own expectations are sure to cause me show symptoms of post-traumatic syndrome. I'm not quite sure where I am, if I am here, or if I am there. A part of me feels as if I am just now getting roots here and another part of me is ready to take roots in Seattle. These two realities are fighting inside, but neither one wants the other to lose. The reality is that I am going home, and I will be facing many challenges.

I have some concerns that I know God will help me through, as long as I focus on what he is teaching me. Not by any measure am I some kind "super Christian" and I do not want anyone thinking that I am. A number of times I have mentioned how much I admire, in awe and amazement, the life of missionaries that have dedicated their lives to living outside their homeland. I still do not think I could be a career missionary, however, if God opened the door I at least wouldn't be afraid of it. The strength, the patience, the learning curve, the sacrifices, of being in the field is more than anyone could ever imagine unless they experience it, even if for as short as a year.

Life is going to be incredibly different in just over a month. For the last two years I have been planning, doing, and focusing on Poland. In just over a month I wont' have a specific focus. Sure, I'll be continuing school, developing my relationship with Alexis, building my friendships, but my focus won't be as clear and precise. I feel that being focused is the main motivator for life, you'll notice that most people who are known for something, are focused on something. The most influential people, that I know, are focused. I want to be focused, in my life, my relationships, and on God with all my heart.