food for fish

Deep thoughts and insecurity...

So, the last two days have been very, very interesting. On thanksgiving evening I spent time with my family just as most Americans do... it was pretty boring. I love my family very much, and I love the fact that I can now talk to them as adults and they treat me as an adult now. The whole night though I felt a little awkward, most of them know now that I'm hardcore in to "God" or my "religion" now, so I think for some reason that made them uncomfortable, I hope (in the bible the word for hope in the original text basically meant they expected) that is a good thing. I find myself acting almost the same as I did before I was Christian when I'm with extended family, except that when I would normally do something un-Christ-like I'm just quite now, I don't find anything exciting to say or do, and therefore appear boring. But surprisingly the person I ended up talking to the most was my brother, him and I are becoming much closer now, it's awesome. Praise God!

Today (Saturday the 29th) I ended up sleeping in until noon, I was suppose to help my friend's family out at 1:00, I was about a half hour late, no problem. It was cool seeing my friend that I've known since pre-school, she is AWESOME, and might go the Pedro the Lion show with us tomorrow! I'm so EXCITED! I sold a phone to my brother today too, that was awesome, another step to being a real brother to him, I ended up buying him his phone as a gift for Christmas and his birthday, since he failed his credit check. It was cool though, and I also bought him a Bible, all of this with money I don't really have, but God will provide, somehow. :).

A few feelings I've had over the last few days include... Feeling unattractive, this isn't a new one, but the strange thing is I've been more confident, I guess being around confident people rubs off, amen! But none the less, I always feel like some other guy in the room is better, either in looks and/or personality, but this feeling is happening less and less. I'm not looking for a relationship right now anyway, because I don't want to be co-dependent, I want to be fully dependent on God. Life is awesome, I have so many AWESOME friends, truly every single one of them challenge, lift me, help me, and really care for me, it is so awesome. Even with all of this, I still find my self going, hey, that guy looks really good, I want to look like him, or wow, I want have that guy's charm, or whatever... But then, when I'm in a group, as I was tonight, I'm find my self getting "better" able to just shrug off things which would have normally shut me down. Praise God. I love ALL OF MY FRIENDS, you know who you are, and if your reading this and you don't think your one of my friends, you are just for reading this! AMEN.

.: prayers, prayer requests :.

Father God,

In your awesome name and power

Please continue to make me stronger in fighting (and fighting is a weak word) the temptations which are put in front of me... help me to change and to turn away from those temptations, and forgive me for giving in them.

Thank you for my family, and thank you soooo much for bring my brother closer to me. I ask that this Sunday be a life applicable time for my brother to hear how YOU CAN BE IN HIS LIFE.

I invite you to continue making these changes in my life, open my eyes and my heart to everything you have for me.

I ask all of this and anything I've asked in secret in Jesus' name. Amen.

Jesus Describes His True Family [Mathew 12:46-50]

As Jesus was speaking to the crowd, his mother and brothers were outside, wanting to talk with him. Someone told Jesus, "Your mother and your brothers are outside, and they want to speak to you."

Jesus asked, "Who is my mother? Who are my brothers?" Then he pointed to his disciples and said, "These are my mother and brothers. Anyone who does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother!"