food for fish

Below are the lyrics to a song by Jeremy Camp, called "Beyond Measure" I can only give Thanks to God for everything I have in my life, and give him every ounce of credit for all of it. You can hear it on my MySpace profile.

The fog has finally cleared to see,
The beautiful life you’ve given me To
feel the breeze of my newborn’s gentle breath
With one to walk hand in hand,
To share this life that you have planned
It’s like a storybook with dreams
That are meant to see every next step is an extraordinary scene

[CHORUS]
I know that I’ve been,
Given more than beyond measure,
I come alive when,
I see beyond my fears
I know that I’ve been given more than earthly treasure,
I come alive when
I’ve broken down and given you control

I’ve faced a great tragedy,
But have seen the works of what you bring
A display of faith that you give,
I don’t know if I will ever understand
The depth of what it is you’ve done inside,
But I know that I will won’t find any worth apart from you

Everything that I have
Has been given so unselfishly
And shown that even when I don’t deserve
You always show the fullness of your love

In recent months, I have had both external and internal confirmations urging me to take a hold of my proper authority, both authority as in status and authority in wisdom and knowledge. I believe now that the stagnation that I have felt over the past few months has been mostly due to me failing to step into this authority. Half of me does not know how and the other half is scared of this. I know in my head what it looks like, but my heart is weary and unsure. Moving the knowledge from my head into my heart and then actually asserting this authority is a scary thing. The Lord is urging me to do this quickly, deep down I know in some strange way it is only I that has this authority.

To step into this new territory is going to require a lot of administration, emails, scheduling, and much prayer. Some of it I am walking into completely blind, feeling as if I have no tools (weapons in some cases) to be victorious, yet I know that He never lets go. A mentor of mine gave me Isaiah 30:15 a couple of weeks ago, I have taken until just a few minutes ago to read it. This is what it says (click the verse reference for the content):

This is what the Sovereign LORD,
the Holy One of Israel, says
"In repentance and rest is your salvation,
in quietness and trust is your strength,
but you would have none of it.

In the full content of the chapter, I realize that God’s grace is fully sufficient to cover the unknown into this new authority, and to cover whatever areas I “feel” unequipped to do. I must step forward, and say “here I am, use me.” My natural instinct is to wait until I am approached by someone to step into ministry, however I believe the time has come for me to step up to the plate on my own.

Lord, here I am, use me, I accept this new responsibility and authority. I receive your grace, and praise you. May I walk in your strength, authority, wisdom, and power in the areas where I know you have called me. Grant me boldness to speak, with wisdom and grace, and proclaim to my fellow soldiers that you have called me and I am not waiting for human confirmation any longer. In Your son Jesus’ name, AMEN.

If I had a battering ram to knock down the wall that I'm up against right now, I would be so happy.

But for now, I'm searching for the stregnth to pick up a battering ram first, and then I'll try to find the right wall to knock down.

I'm speaking out our young adults group tonight. It was originally scheduled for next Thursday, but other things sped it up to today. The combination of my PDA/Phone nont syncing with my server at work, let me to over-book myself for today and this week, leading to a not-prepared speaker.

I have a very vague idea as to what to talk about tonight. It's just after 4pm, I speak in 3 hours. There must be something to talk about.

I'm not all that freaked out right now, I was yesterday, so God must have something in plan.

I have a horrible time choosing gifts for people, most of the time I don't get anything, and if I do I get gift cards. However, choosing something for my bride, that's a different story... and a very hard choice as well.

I'm glad God figured out the perfect gift.

Some day I hope Alexis and I can actually visit the Slot festival, which is a yearly festival for believers that happens in Poland each year. I have a blog that I've been reading since I lived in Poland called "Tall Skinny Kiwi", it has a post up about it.