food for fish

I get so frustrated with myself over things. On one hand I love the feeling of be productive, getting things accomplished, but on the other I just don't want to, I'm not motivated enough, and I would rather "veg" all day. I love being out doors, and I love riding my bike, going running, etc, but most days I just "don't feel like it". I love building new things, learning about new things, studying how things are done, but most of the time I don't want to do it myself. Pretty much everything I love to do, I only really like to do when other people will do it with me. So pretty much I've come to the conclusion that doing it on my own isn't really fun, but I know I need to get over that. It isn't that I don't like myself, I'm actually quite happy and content with myself. I'm just not content being alone, when I am alone, I lose motivation.

I have to be very motivated to do something on my own. Don't get me wrong I'll do things at work on my own, that's about 90% of my job. Yet, I always find myself much happier when I have someone to share it with. However, blogging is the one thing that I prefer to do alone, it would be very annoying to have someone else giving their two cents along the way. Although blogging is a bit different from other journaling, as others can comment if they wish, I 'spose that's one motivator behind it.

Lord Jesus, thanks for loving me for who I am, for giving me these strange idiosyncrasies, and simply making me this way. The more I become okay with it, and more importantly, being okay with doing stuff with you, the more content I know I will be.

In your name, Amen.