food for fish

Someone please tell me what the secret to contentment is? I consider myself pretty good at being content, and maybe this is just a venting session, which I think is allowed. I understand where I am, I am actually really happy with where I am, but when I think about where God is taking us, then I have this internal fire that gets frustrated. I think it's actually motivation, if I didn't have this drive then nothing would happen. So, I'm not really discontent, I'm just really excited about the future and want to be there. It isn't because I think the grass is greener on the other side, because I know it isn't, it's because it's an adventure!

Thank you Lord for calling us to such an adventure, for loving us in every detail, for limiting yourself so that you need us. Yes I get frustrated with seeing where I am and where I will be and I know that it is your will that will prevail. Lord grant me the patience, wisdom, and insight to take each moment and see it with your perspective, to see things that lead to my frustration, and to see frustration before it comes. Most of all I ask that in your name my heart be contending for contentment.

Yep, just click here. Wouldn't it be interesting if we did find some kind of life on another planet? Not to mention actual intelligent life? What would that mean for the faiths of the world, not to mention my own!? What parts of scripture would the church try to figure out? What would fall apart? Very, very, interesting...

I get so frustrated with myself over things. On one hand I love the feeling of be productive, getting things accomplished, but on the other I just don't want to, I'm not motivated enough, and I would rather "veg" all day. I love being out doors, and I love riding my bike, going running, etc, but most days I just "don't feel like it". I love building new things, learning about new things, studying how things are done, but most of the time I don't want to do it myself. Pretty much everything I love to do, I only really like to do when other people will do it with me. So pretty much I've come to the conclusion that doing it on my own isn't really fun, but I know I need to get over that. It isn't that I don't like myself, I'm actually quite happy and content with myself. I'm just not content being alone, when I am alone, I lose motivation.

I have to be very motivated to do something on my own. Don't get me wrong I'll do things at work on my own, that's about 90% of my job. Yet, I always find myself much happier when I have someone to share it with. However, blogging is the one thing that I prefer to do alone, it would be very annoying to have someone else giving their two cents along the way. Although blogging is a bit different from other journaling, as others can comment if they wish, I 'spose that's one motivator behind it.

Lord Jesus, thanks for loving me for who I am, for giving me these strange idiosyncrasies, and simply making me this way. The more I become okay with it, and more importantly, being okay with doing stuff with you, the more content I know I will be.

In your name, Amen.

Being disciplined is so hard. A few weeks ago Alexis and I wrote out our priorities, we took what God has called us to in this season and wrote out how we would process those things into a tangible real-life schedule. We put in our devotion times, our exercise times, our solitude times, fellowship time, etc... It has been about three weeks of "implementation", we certainly need to tweak it, well specifically my schedule, I find my after work exercise and devotion times to always be the things that get knocked out or diminished. However, even with that I have found that my stress levels are much less, which has lead me to being stronger against temptation, not just sexually but also in anger and frustration as well. So as long as I can get a hold on my schedule and be able to say no and yes when appropriate so that these priorities happen, I know I'll at least be more aware of stress. Even though we have pretty predictable schedules from week to week I'm seeing a need to sit down at least once every week and a half or so and go over the coming weeks so that we are on the same page.

Lord, thank you for putting these disciplines into our lives, your grace alongside discipline has proven to be a blessing that I know will continue into the rest of our lives. I praise you for your work and your love. In Jesus' name - amen.

I've been married for nine months now! It's absolutely awesome, and I can truly say that I can't ever go back. Although I am quite independent, and it drives me mad that I must communicate "my" entire life to someone else now... It's also so very comforting that someone cares for in a way that all other humans will never be able to. It's been a very bumpy road, God has been going over-time in drilling me to be a husband and head of a household, and many times I felt like a five-year-old throwing a temper tantrum, however, it is all worth it. I've been embarrassed, I've been very pissed off, I've been so selfish that if God were actually "strike 'em dead" kind of God many see him as, I would be dead.

I know there are many more bumps in the road, but they are all amazing bumps... just a hint of what it is to love as Christ loves the church.

And PS. No babies... yet. :P

I've been trying to figure out what this blog is really about. What direction I want to take it. Well, I've decided to take it the same direction as when I started. It's about me. It's about me and my walk with Jesus. It's about me and my relationships. It's about me. Why me? Because when I focus on the inner thoughts, my outer expressions are closer to Godly expressions. When I take the time to think, process, ponder on my stuff, I find that I can give more to others. It's about loving others AS I LOVE MYSELF... I've been bad at this, and I need to start paying attention. So... I'm going to write a lot about myself, in fact those are the blogs I find the most interesting... the open, sickly honest ones about people's inner thoughts. That's what this life is about... learning from each other's interactions with others, themselves, and most of all with their Creator.

Yes it's that time of year again, Alexis and I are well on our way to going back to Poland again, this being our fourth time, for a total of almost 15 months now. Below you'll find our support letter, with where are hearts are, and prayer/finanical support information. Oh yeah, we're going with this year's interns to France as well to serve at the European youth camp for our denomination. Our Polish friends will be there too!

You may read our support letter here.

That's what a friend told me today. And boy doesn't it seem true! When we were/are ignorant life seems "happy", and when we are immature, we have more "personality".

Of course we can be aware and not ignorant and still be in bliss, but it takes a lot of work to get there. And of course we can be mature and have personality, but again it takes a lot of work (a lot more). The truth is, awareness is true bliss, when we are aware of our short fallings and our blunders we can seek God's truth, and be free of causing further harm to ourselves and others. The truth is, maturity brings strong, integral character, and that kind of character leads people into awareness.

I am so glad it is spring time right now, otherwise I think I could become seriously depressed. It seems that all my flesh desires is old patterns. The old nature just keeps creeping up, creating a tension that sneaks up and bites me in the rear, too often than not. Thankfully I figure it out quick enough that the bite is hardly noticeable after a day or two. I try think back to the "good 'ol times" the times when I felt like I was at the top of the world, when friends were all around, and life just seemed good. But the funny thing about those times, is that I was just as tempted, and fell more often to temptation (weather it be sexual, anger, isolation, etc) than I do now. Ignorance was truly bliss, but now that I am aware, now that I have tools, experience, etc...

Now I must be disciplined, accountable, etc, now the fight begins.

Father, may I bring honor to your name, may your will be done in my life, may I forgive others as you forgive me. May I seek your daily bread, and may I find the bread you set before me. Lord, to be with you, to know you, and to love all that you do, that is my desire.

In Jesus' name - Amen.