food for fish

Last Wednesday Alexis and I got back together. The past three months has been an incredible stretching time for me. There were definite moments where I thought we would never get back together, but now everything is so different. We are talking differently, we have a very clear idea of what God wants us to do in the future, and we know we will have little, maybe even big, tiffs, but God is the center of this relationship. The counseling I am in right now has shed so much light on all of my little quirks, that is not to say that am 100% better or that things in my past won't rear again, its just that now I can identify them and seek God's guidance.

In other news, Alexis has her own blog now, but I still do not have the address. She's already getting comments and she hasn't advertised or commented on anyone else's blogs, so there must be something good on it! It's a creative writing blog so I'm dieing to see what's on there, she said I'll know soon, she just wants to get it going first. She isn't using her real name on it so I can't search for it.

Young Man:
How beautiful you are, my beloved, how beautiful! Your eyes are soft like doves.

Young Woman:
What a lovely, pleasant sight you are, my love, as we lie here on the grass, shaded by cedar trees and spreading firs. [Song of Songs: 1:15-17]

I have no idea what to write though, there is so much, and right now I'm sitting in a coffee shop just thinking of all the great things God has done in my life these past few months. I guess I can always ask for prayer, prayer for good direction, quiet times to listen to the Lord and to do what is right for the people I love. There is so much going on in my mind right now and so many people that I would love to have long conversations with that I am just kind of in this comatose mindset of not knowing what to do. Tomorrow is a huge day, I will be meeting with people who are the most influential in my life at the moment, and the most authoritive in my life with a big decision to propose to them, I am nervous, and after tomorrow, you all might know why. Well, I had better go.

Here is a quick update. I finished my first quarter at Oregon College of Ministry and the International Training Program with a 3.4 GPA, go Travis! Alexis and I are doing very well, we still are not back together, but it is a time of healing and reflection for our friendship and is probably near its strongest point ever. I have learned a lot about ministry, listening to God, being sensitive to other’s needs, and putting the idea of daily sacrificing into daily practice (instead of the 3 or 4 times a month where I was convicted, which lead to frustration and insanity). I know that the Lord speaks to everyone one of his children and that my calling is to be a pastor, and somehow equipping and connecting people to be in the ministry is the central theme of this calling.

On another note, I really miss blogging day to day and I hope to get back in the habit and be able to have enough Internet access to write down my thoughts again. Thanks for all your encouragement and I look forward to being reconnected with the blogsphere. Be blessed.

Fear of God: Revearing trust in God that includes commitment to his revealed words and will.

[This post was actually published Nov 12, 2005 - it took me a while, nearly a year, to type up the following, and to make sense I wanted it to be published near the actual event to see what God is doing]
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The following are words that I recieved from two people on the U-Turn Europe commitee. Not written here are the words Alexis recieved... "You once loved a man, but you must let him go now"... I thought, very interesting.
Here are my words:

January 16th 2005 prophesy – Johannes & Gert

• A sickness in you, something to do with the kidneys and stomach – could be physical or spiritual, prove in your spirit. Anoint the body with healing – blessings on them – Headaches at times? God is doing much cleansing.

• The Lord is cleaning don’t be shocked. Some of your suffering is connected. Lord wants to heal you. Self image, restoration. You have sinned where you did not want to, you had an identity in the Lord but it has been shattered, restore your identity in Christ. Lord is dealing with you in your self righteousness. The more we come into the light. You see yourself and you are disappointed. You are a good servant, and He is a good master.

• [Pooh bear hat placed on head] – You are a good servant. The inferiority inside of you is one part of pride. You walked with authority & leadership in Poland and you will do that and have it here. YOU ARE A PASTOR. God will challenge you to be looked upon. The Lord will develop more contacts, you will be asked to speak. You are a solider of God. Be looked at. The Hat allows you to be recognized. He is calling on you to finish college. You will be recognized as his servant. Lord is restoring your identity. He lives in you.

• The suffering you feel is your identity – God is going to restore you.

• You are good because He is good

• He doesn’t leave you.

• Someone is watching your back don’t worry.