food for fish

I've been neglecting a lot (sometimes disguised as procrastination) of important things these past few weeks. I haven't had a single quiet time with God since I returned, I haven't ridden my bike (mostly because I didn't get it back until this past Friday), I haven't blogged much, but most of all I haven't sought after my God. I've just been winging it, flying by the seems of my pants, letting the wind carry me from one place to another. This is fine for a while, but at some point I have to get on track and seek. I have to make choices to do things even when I do not feel like it, and I have to think about others and what I can do for them, I need to seek humility and correction, I need to see my God. I want to bless my God and I want to bless my people (my people would be those who are around me). Yet I find myself being selfish and centered on my needs, which is not right nor is it how I will find my God.

I am so blessed to have friends, family, and others who truly Love God, Love Others, and Love me. Many of them are too nice to tell me what I need to look at in my life, but thankfully I am convicted of things in my life to change just by the way they live. I want to know what I can change, I want to know where I fail to be a blessing unto God and people. I don't want to neglect anything, but I have a horrible character flaw that unless I have some official role or I know that I'll "get something" out of an event or situation I will neglect it until the last possible minute. I hate this pattern but for some reason it seems to repeat itself over and over in my life. The Lord gives and takes away, I pray that he takes this away from me and gives me the desire to serve and love with out expecting anything for myself.